OOT guest shower etiquette.

june262004 Posted: Jan 30, 2004 12:04 AM

OOT guest shower etiquette.

Should you still send invites to people who live OOT like Florida invites?my mom says no because we know that these people arent gonna come 2 times and thats just like asking for a gift. I am just worried about them getting upset that they didnt get invites!

mrswask Posted: Jan 30, 2004 12:07 AM

Re: OOT guest shower etiquette.

I was invited to a shower in Florida where they KNEW I wasn't going - I wasn't even going to the wedding!! Honestly, I did feel like it was soliciting for a gift! I felt obligated to send one after I got the invite - even though I was 1500 miles away! JMO

june262004 Posted: Jan 30, 2004 12:10 AM

Re: OOT guest shower etiquette.

Ok im glad you said that, I feel that way too. The problem is that I know they will come to the wedding (or so they say) and Most are my dads family who hes not extremly close with. And dont have tons of money! His family here will be invited so I dont want the family here to talk to the family there and the family there get mad for not being invited! DID THAT MAKE ANY SENSE LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

mrswask Posted: Jan 30, 2004 12:15 AM

Re: OOT guest shower etiquette.

Of course you made sense!! Actually, I am going through the same thing too - mom and her whole side of the family live in Florida now and I don't know if I should send an invite to my aunt who I am close with...again, I don't want to feel like I am soliciting for a gift - but I doubt she would come up. But the example I told you about - this was an old acquaintance - not a family member so I just felt a little annoyed. It's hard to say - could you have dad or someone mention it to them and sort of say - we are not inviting you because we don't want you to feel obligated for a gift - but if you are going to be up here, or would like to come up - we'd love to have you??? Hope that made sense!!

june262004 Posted: Jan 30, 2004 06:21 PM

Re: OOT guest shower etiquette.

Bump.

september2004 Posted: Jan 30, 2004 06:23 PM

Re: OOT guest shower etiquette.

i agree with your mom...

junebride04 Posted: Jan 30, 2004 06:33 PM

Re: OOT guest shower etiquette.

Out of respect I think you should send invites to these people even though you know they won't come. JMO.

KathleenG Posted: Jan 30, 2004 06:36 PM

Re: OOT guest shower etiquette.

Posted by junebride04

Out of respect I think you should send invites to these people even though you know they won't come. JMO.

I believe the same!! I, too, am always afraid of 'rubbing people the wrong way' if they find out they are not invited to something. Sending an invite out of respect never hurts; that way you are leaving it up to them.

june262004 Posted: Jan 30, 2004 06:37 PM

Re: OOT guest shower etiquette.

But then wont the feel obligated to send a gift?

KathleenG Posted: Jan 30, 2004 06:40 PM

Re: OOT guest shower etiquette.

Posted by june262004

But then wont the feel obligated to send a gift?

Not really. A lot of people feel if they do not go they are not obligated to send a gift!! You will always get the few that will, however. In my experience, it doesn't happen too often.

september2004 Posted: Jan 30, 2004 07:20 PM

Re: OOT guest shower etiquette.

Posted by june262004

But then wont the feel obligated to send a gift?

that is how i personally would view it, but then again i am never the 'norm'...

in this situation, i would invite those who are local and send an email to those who are OOT and casually mention the get together. state a 'wish you were here'... this way if they want to send a gift they will, and if they don't, they won't feel obligated

JMO

Rob-luvs-me Posted: Jan 30, 2004 08:01 PM

Re: OOT guest shower etiquette.

Ok my take is that I wouldn't invite out of town people UNLESS it is a close family member - like my aunt and my cousin live in San Antonio and they would be very hurt if they were not invited - but I have a very small shower list because ALL my family is from out of town.

I will tell you the FH tells me that half of his mothers family is no longer speaking to his mother because 8 years ago when his brother got married his family in florida was not invites (for the reasons stated above) well they were SO angry that they were not invited they didn't come to the wedding and haven't spoken to her since.