Opinions please - Bridal shower/engagement party drama (sorry kinda long)
tlp123
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Opinions please - Bridal shower/engagement party drama (sorry kinda long)
I am very very upset right now.
I was engaged in May 07. My fiance and I decided to have a short engagement, so we are getting married in Feb 08.
My mother wanted to throw me an engagement party, so we had one this past August.
Since I am getting married, i want to have all the fun things that go along with getting married - a bridal shower, bachelorette party, etc. To me, it is about the celebration. I don't often throw or go to parties, so it would be fun to have these celebrations.
So, after the engagement party, my MOH was in the process of planning my bridal shower. I don't know when it was being planned for, but some time between now and February.
But, apparently, people (she won't tell me who) were resentful about the fact that we are having parties so close together. Responses such as 'How many gifts does she want???' came up.
She feels badly about telling me this, but I am glad that she did b/c I don't want people smiling to my face, but hating the fact that they are at my bridal shower. It is not about the gifts to me, it is about the celebration.
I considered saying 'no gifts' or 'wishing well gifts only' on the bridal shower invitation, but then some people feel obligated anyway, I don't want people to do anything they don't want to. And I don't want to be around people who are resentful about my party. I want to be around people who are truly happy for me.
I will probably just end up having something very small with people i am very close with (bridal party, mother, maybe some cousins....)
Has this or something similar happened to anyone? What is your opinion? I am really very sad about this.
CSimiMOB
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Re: Opinions please - Bridal shower/engagement party drama (sorry kinda long)
Maybe if the shower is closer to the wedding date it wouldn't be so bad. It seems a little early to be planning the shower. Maybe if she makes the shower with just the very close relatives (aunts, cousins, bridal party) it would be better. After all, the shower is definitely about the gifts, that's what a shower is for.
tlp123
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Re: Opinions please - Bridal shower/engagement party drama (sorry kinda long)
I think she is planning it for closer to the wedding date. She is just planning now so its done.
SN2BMRSBURTE
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Re: Opinions please - Bridal shower/engagement party drama (sorry kinda long)
I agree with the above poster, I think it would be a good idea to have the shower a month or two before the wedding., and planning it now is fine! And by the way, don't feel bad or guilty! Why shouldn't you have a shower? You are getting married and you deserve one! I am kinda in a similar situation because I have had my own apartment for years, so I have alot of kitchen stuff already. Originally FH and I were not going to register for anything for my shower because of that reason, but we thought about it and decided scroo it! We registered because we figured if we didn't we would get a ton of picture frames and other stuff we didn't want or need...so now we will get new kitchen stuff. I'm sure a few comments have been made about that whole situation, but I don't care..every bride shold have a beautiful wedding/shower...including you. And, now a days ALOT of people have a short engagement, but still have all the parties that go along with a wedding! So, I would tell your MOH to have the shower a month or two before the wedding, and not to listen to comments anyone else has to say, because they are being selfish and rude...and no matter what bride you are, there will always be a couple of those kind of people trying to ruin the fun.... Good luck
Mici n KC
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Re: Opinions please - Bridal shower/engagement party drama (sorry kinda long)
People are very rude. Is there a way for you to know how many people said it and who? Maybe if it's a family member you can let your mom know so she can talk to this person. You should absolutely have a shower. You didn't ask for gifts at the engagement party and if people brought them then they did it because they wanted to. I bet the person/people that said that are the ones that would b1tch and complain if they didn't get gifts at either the party or shower.
iwannabmrsD
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Re: Opinions please - Bridal shower/engagement party drama (sorry kinda long)
from an etiquette standpoint, i actually read once that u'r not suppose to have a bridal shower and an engagement party.. i'll try to find the article.. that being said.. etiquette be damned have both girl!!! make the bridal shower smaller, intimate, and enjoy!!
mfiorent
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Re: Opinions please - Bridal shower/engagement party drama (sorry kinda long)
That is terrible someone would say that. my opinion is whoever made that comment is probably just jealous, and you would be better off if she or they stayed home! my sister's wedding date was moved up, and it wound up her shower and bachelorette were both within 3 weeks of the wedding. but so what!! people will always make comments and have their own little 'rules' - don't let it bother you. especially not now! enjoy every single party given in your honor and let the party poopers stay home if they choose :)
Papillon25
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Re: Opinions please - Bridal shower/engagement party drama (sorry kinda long)
This is ridiculous - everyone knows that brides will have a shower. People should have anticipated that even though you also had an engagement party.
My good friend for example, had an e-party, so I just gave her a smaller gift there and a larger one at the shower. And maybe some other people did it the other way around.
People should know that MOST brides will have a shower!
Don't let them bother you, if they are that upset about the gift then they don't have to get you anything or can get you something small from your registry.
People will ALWAYS find a reason to complain!!!!!
Future Mulligan
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Re: Opinions please - Bridal shower/engagement party drama (sorry kinda long)
yes people always find something to complain about! dont let it get to you!
luna bride x
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Re: Opinions please - Bridal shower/engagement party drama (sorry kinda long)
Posted by Papillon25
This is ridiculous - everyone knows that brides will have a shower. People should have anticipated that even though you also had an engagement party.
People should know that MOST brides will have a shower!
Don't let them bother you, if they are that upset about the gift then they don't have to get you anything or can get you something small from your registry.
People will ALWAYS find a reason to complain!!!!!
i totally agree.. don't even let it bother you.. people will be complaining regardless. if you want a shower you deserve it so have it!!! eff them they're just haters anyways.
B22
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Re: Opinions please - Bridal shower/engagement party drama (sorry kinda long)
did you register for your e-party? personally, I dont like the idea of e-parties b/c with the shower and wedding, you are getting so many gifts.. I think people feel obligated to give a gift when a party is thrown.
I know how you feel though. I only had 4 months btwn the time I set my wedding date to (OMG NEXT WKND!)
my shower was only a few weeks ago.... but your loved ones won't mind. If people can't give you a gift, so be it. but you DO deserve it...
jgl
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Re: Opinions please - Bridal shower/engagement party drama (sorry kinda long)
Posted by tlp123
I am very very upset right now.
I was engaged in May 07. My fiance and I decided to have a short engagement, so we are getting married in Feb 08.
My mother wanted to throw me an engagement party, so we had one this past August.
Since I am getting married, i want to have all the fun things that go along with getting married - a bridal shower, bachelorette party, etc. To me, it is about the celebration. I don't often throw or go to parties, so it would be fun to have these celebrations.
So, after the engagement party, my MOH was in the process of planning my bridal shower. I don't know when it was being planned for, but some time between now and February.
But, apparently, people (she won't tell me who) were resentful about the fact that we are having parties so close together. Responses such as 'How many gifts does she want???' came up.
She feels badly about telling me this, but I am glad that she did b/c I don't want people smiling to my face, but hating the fact that they are at my bridal shower. It is not about the gifts to me, it is about the celebration.
I considered saying 'no gifts' or 'wishing well gifts only' on the bridal shower invitation, but then some people feel obligated anyway, I don't want people to do anything they don't want to. And I don't want to be around people who are resentful about my party. I want to be around people who are truly happy for me.
I will probably just end up having something very small with people i am very close with (bridal party, mother, maybe some cousins....)
Has this or something similar happened to anyone? What is your opinion? I am really very sad about this.
that stinks that people are being like that
What is the diifference if there is a year between or 6 months.. most people ars still going to have an eparty, a shower and a bach party. they need to get over it!!!
Dont stress over it... have it anyway and if it bothers them so much they shouldnt come.!!!!
kkss1419
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Re: Opinions please - Bridal shower/engagement party drama (sorry kinda long)
Someone will always have some sort of negative comment! You deserve to have a shower and should not feel guilty. FH and I have gotten a few comments about registering for household items since we already live together and are a little 'older' (in our 30's) and each have a child for a previous relationship, but neither of us have been married before, so we figured just because of our circumstances that we shouldn't feel guilty for what others think. Don't let anyone make you feel bad about having a shower and an e-party. You deserve it!
tlp123
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Re: Opinions please - Bridal shower/engagement party drama (sorry kinda long)
Posted by MiciB115
People are very rude. Is there a way for you to know how many people said it and who? Maybe if it's a family member you can let your mom know so she can talk to this person. You should absolutely have a shower. You didn't ask for gifts at the engagement party and if people brought them then they did it because they wanted to. I bet the person/people that said that are the ones that would b1tch and complain if they didn't get gifts at either the party or shower.
Unfortunately, it seems to be more than one person. I actually asked my MOH if it was just one or 2 people and she said 'no'. I will probably have a small shower with close family members. It wasn't going to be so big to begin with, but now it will probably be very small. I really just want to be around people who are truly happy for me and I am really hurt that was some people thought that I was thinking about the gift rather than the celebration.
tlp123
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Re: Opinions please - Bridal shower/engagement party drama (sorry kinda long)
Posted by Papillon25
This is ridiculous - everyone knows that brides will have a shower. People should have anticipated that even though you also had an engagement party.
My good friend for example, had an e-party, so I just gave her a smaller gift there and a larger one at the shower. And maybe some other people did it the other way around.
People should know that MOST brides will have a shower!
Don't let them bother you, if they are that upset about the gift then they don't have to get you anything or can get you something small from your registry.
People will ALWAYS find a reason to complain!!!!!
Thank you. That is exactly how I feel. Very well put.
And thanks to everyone for their support!
tmarie
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Re: Opinions please - Bridal shower/engagement party drama (sorry kinda long)
I would tell your MOH not to invite those ridiculous people. In New York, most people have some sort of engagement party, alomst everyone gets a bridal party and bachelorette party. Whether is is in one year or two it is the same thing. Just hold off having a baby they may have a stroke
Have your party enjoy yourself and tell people get over it.
MattandTricia07
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Re: Opinions please - Bridal shower/engagement party drama (sorry kinda long)
If etiquette says you shouldn't have an eparty and a bridal shower, well then slap my wrist!
FH and I had an engagement party in January of 2006 and my bridal shower was last weekend, September 1st, 2007.
People are always going to give their opinions- my advise is to do what you want to do. IMO, I think you should have your bridal shower. It's an exciting part of the whole wedding process. By the time it comes around they will have forgotten about the summer engagement party.
meg193
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Re: Opinions please - Bridal shower/engagement party drama (sorry kinda long)
Are some of these people from out of town? In New York it is completely normal to have an engagement party and a bridal shower but in some other parts of the country people only have one or the other. I wouldn't worry about it. People will always find something to complain about.
Mich0621
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Re: Opinions please - Bridal shower/engagement party drama (sorry kinda long)
i understand how you feel-i am having a 6 month engagement (we were also engaged in May and will be married in November) We decided no e-party, and I have no clue about a shower. However, like I told FH concerning other wedding related topics, when people want to complain, they will try and find something. I am sorry you have to feel bad, because you shouldn't. You are having a 9 month engagement, which is not that short, and bottom line, if someone doesn't want to give a gift or doesn't approve, no one is twisting their arm to go. I am a big believer that although people have a right to have an opinion, when it is a touchy matter, tact says that people should keep these opinions to themselves-if they don't want to get you 3 gifts, then skip the bridal shower! I doubt you are going to chase after them with an axe! By the way-I knew a girl who had two showers because she was from NJ and her FH was from NY! And I imagine she is not the first, nor the last. So, don't stop the show because people are b*tching, since they will find something else (trust me) and plan the shower you want!
nifheim
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Re: Opinions please - Bridal shower/engagement party drama (sorry kinda long)
honestly it is not your fault!
Guests I am sure were informed that your engagement was a short one and you would be married in feb. When the E party was setup the guests should of just given you a token gift and save the rest for the shower fully knowing that it was coming up rather quickly. So therefore the guests are wrong in saying anything negative.
The only way it would be wrong is if your guests had no clue when your date was - your mom threw the e party and then the guest found out OH god the shower is only a few more months away. Then I would say your being gift hungry or at least presenting yourself to be.
