Parents name on invites - vent

starhead Posted: Nov 25, 2002 02:41 PM

Parents name on invites - vent

My FSIL who is also a BM asked what my invite wording was going to be, and she seemed surprised that no parents names would be included.

We're 27 and paying for the whole thing, so therefore aren't we the hosts of the wedding? Why should their names be on it? I could understand if either parents were giving us any money. It just seems like she thinks her parents names should be on it and i don't think its any of her business if they're not. Is this just me or is she right?

nrvbrd Posted: Nov 25, 2002 02:51 PM

Re: Parents name on invites - vent

Hi.

Pretty much this is how it goes:

If bride and groom are hosting- their names are on the invite-only.

Some couples who are paying for their weddings may opt to include their parents names as a sign of respect.

You do not have to do this. My FI and I are paying for the whole thing ourselves and only our names will be on the invite.

Do what you want.

OctBride03 Posted: Nov 25, 2002 02:52 PM

Re: Parents name on invites - vent

You are absolutely right! If you and your FH are paying for the entire thing, then that's it! Parent's name do not need to be on the invite. I've been to plenty of weddings where the invitation says: The BRIDE & GROOM request your presence... There is NO problem here! You are doing it the right way!

dubliner Posted: Nov 25, 2002 02:54 PM

Re: Parents name on invites - vent

We are having a lot of trouble with this too.

His parents are paying for all their guests, and we are pretty much paying for the rest. What wording do we use? I know traditionally the brides parents host, and are listed first, but of the parents his are contributing a lot more financially

What is the right thing to do?
He really wants both parents names there. I could really use some help on this

thanks

BTW - I agree if you are paying you are the hosts.

nrvbrd Posted: Nov 25, 2002 02:58 PM

Re: Parents name on invites - vent

Dubliner:

You can do one of two things'

1. Along with their parents (no names)

X and Z request the honour of your presence....

2. List both parents, that way your parents do not feel left out.

KarenK122 Posted: Nov 25, 2002 03:01 PM

Re: Parents name on invites - vent

We are paying for the wedding ourselves also but will be including our parents names just out of respect. I just felt they should be honored somehow : ).

We'll probably do the following:

Karen XXXXX and Thomas XXXX

along with their parents

Mr. and Mrs. XXXXX
and
Mr. and Mrs. XXXXX

blah blah blah : )

Latina511 Posted: Nov 25, 2002 03:04 PM

Re: Parents name on invites - vent

I think you are absolutely right. If you are the host and paying for everything you shouldn't add your parents name on the invite unless you really want to.

SeptemberBride03 Posted: Nov 25, 2002 03:14 PM

Re: Parents name on invites - vent

I agree that if you're paying for the whole thing - your names should be the only ones - every etiquette book will tell you that!

However, in the end, I don't really care what the invite says, so we are writing 'our names, together with our parents' to avoid any undue stress - I'm going to pick my battles!

dubliner Posted: Nov 25, 2002 03:27 PM

Re: Parents name on invites - vent

Karen

I like your wording, now I gotta convince FH

Valenia Posted: Nov 25, 2002 03:28 PM

Re: Parents name on invites - vent

I certainly agree that its no ones business but your own, and that officially you are the hosts. I do not know the circumstance of your wedding, but I will warn you of this -- fair or not, there are feelings involved here. If you have a reason for wanted to exclude your parents from the invite (strained relations, etc) then you certainly should.

However, if the only reason is that they didn't pay I would encourage you to think about what that says. In the end, I don't think who paid should make the decision - it should be a reflection of the relationships. If your parents are struggling financially, but are otherwise supportive, this is an opportunity to make them feel loved and included. If they have been negative about the wedding, then having them on the invite would be silly.

Good luck with this difficult decision!!!

starhead Posted: Nov 25, 2002 03:39 PM

Re: Parents name on invites - vent

There are no strained relationships among the parents - that's not why I want to leave them off, I just feel like we're doing this totally ourselves, his parents or my parents had nothing to do with anything (like didn't help in the planning, we didn't visit reception places together, etc.) so therefore I feel like it's 'our' wedding. If even they were part of the planning, then maybe I would want to include them but that's not the case. It's like giving credit where credit it's not due, i feel.

This FSIL is like that, though, she was the only one who gave us any flak about not getting married in a church, too. I just have to let it go, I guess.

HappyEverAfter Posted: Nov 25, 2002 03:40 PM

Re: Parents name on invites - vent

I have a similar dilemma, my parents are paying for the reception and we are paying for everything else. FILs have not been very supportive about money, they are giving very little towards the wedding as they are old school and think the brides family should pay for the whole wedding. Well, FH and I make more than my parents now that my dads retired, so I did not feel comfortable having them pay for the whole thing.

FILs also LOWERED the amount they are giving us when they found out we are having an adults only reception, as they are all upset their grandchildren wont be there.

Needess to say, I was not going to put their names on the invite at all,since they are driving me CRAZY. But, they are going to be family, so in the interest of keeping the peace, we will either do 'together with their parents' or

Mr and Mrs (parents of HMIchick)
invite you to share in the marriage of their daughter
hmichick
to
FH
son of (pain in the a$$ future inlaws)

Or something along those lines

dkga1026 Posted: Nov 25, 2002 03:51 PM

Re: Parents name on invites - vent

hmi chick - you are sooooo funny!!! LOL

but i agree with what everyone is saying....i thought that at age 27 (me) and 34(dh), we should be able to 'host' our own wedding, but our parents would have been crushed so we out their names on the invite...it's a small price to pay for making them happy...it is also their day to shine i guess

michele31 Posted: Nov 25, 2002 03:56 PM

Re: Parents name on invites - vent

We are both in our 30's, and paid 99% of the wedding costs ourselves. Our parents names were not on the invites.
I also know girls in their 30's who are paying but want a traditional invite and include their parent's names.
It is a personal decision and one that you and your FH need to make alone.

Niecey Posted: Nov 25, 2002 03:58 PM

Re: Parents name on invites - vent

Had the same scenario here. DH and I paid for our own wedding and did it all pretty much ourselves (we are 29 and 31). I figure it would be just our names..wrong! DH did not think it was the right thing to do (I am sure it was more he thought his parents would be upset). I figure this was small in the scheme of things we fought over families in our wedding planning so I opted for somthing similar to

Mr and Mrs Brides Parents

and

Mr and Mrs Grooms Paernts

invite you to the wedding of their children....

The stupid things that give you stress! It stinks!

abc7077 Posted: Nov 25, 2002 05:23 PM

Re: Parents name on invites - vent

I did the 'together with our parents' thing with the names listed. But, my mom is still unhappy because we did not say she was inviting them. Even though we are paying for it. I told her that is the way it is!!!

spel Posted: Nov 25, 2002 05:32 PM

Re: Parents name on invites - vent

here's an interesting one for ya...
all of our parents are divorced, my dad divorced twice, some have been remarried, some have signnificant others- ALL are contributing to the wedding.
we will not put any of our parents names on the invite.
it may be disrespectful & terribly rude, but its so much easier. their names on the invite was never a condition to them giving us the money.
we'll write, 'together with their parents...' or something like that.

Michele324 Posted: Nov 25, 2002 06:32 PM

Re: Parents name on invites - vent

I put,
M and M,
with the blessings of their parents,
invite you to share.......

Our parents aren't paying either, but I thought some recognition would be nice and a way to avoid any hurt feelings....just a suggestion.

wacky Posted: Nov 25, 2002 07:17 PM

Re: Parents name on invites - vent

We are not putting our parents names on the invites either. I guess you could out of respect, but I felt the same way. We are paying so we are the hosts. It kept things simpler. Tell you FSIL to mind her business.