i'm sorry if this is really personal, i just don't have many people to talk to these days- i've been quite lonely. i've been debating for a few days whether or not to share this with you ladies..but i've been going a little bit crazy. one minute im super excited and happy, the next im scared out of my mind. the next i'm angry. the more i think about it, the more confused i get. anyway, i'm adopted. and i've been searching for my birthmother forever, and i actually found her this weekend. she lives in oklahoma. i saw pictures of her and her family, i read a personal bio about her life. (mind you i've been searching for FOREVER and she was on classmates.com...go figure.) it's a really surreal type of feeling. i don't even know if i've fully grasped it yet. the killer is, i have her phone number. i dont know whether to call her, or write a letter. Writing a letter i think would kill me, because each day i don't get a response, i would think that she doesn't want anything to do with me. each day would be agonizing. calling her would be better for me, although i'm awkward on the phone. i'm sure however that it would be a huge shock to her and she wouldn't know what to do with herself. i found out two days ago that i'm an aunt, a niece, a cousin, and a sister to a whole family that i've never even met. I've been waiting my whole life for this. I'm just super scared. but then again, happy/relieved beyond belief. I'm not expecting a response to any of this....i just needed to vent a little bit. I haven't really talked to anyone about it. thanks for reading/listening. -brooke
bluegreen08
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Re: personal business..a little long
I'd call or send an email or letter that way you have no regrets. if you call, write out something beforehand so you know what you want to say. good luck
chicky724
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Re: personal business..a little long
Posted by bluegreen08
I'd call or send an email or letter that way you have no regrets. if you call, write out something beforehand so you know what you want to say. good luck
I totally agree!!
I think writing a letter might be the best way. On the phone it might be hard to organize your thoughts, especially something so emotional like that.
Good luck with everything!
littlepixie12
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Re: personal business..a little long
I think a phone call might be really tough on everyone because she wont see it coming and she will probably have nothing to say out of shock .. maybe an email would be faster than regular mail and you can check off 'sent recieved or read' to see if she read it... that way you are giving her an option to responsd and maybe talk wtih you over the phone
Espo22
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Re: personal business..a little long
WOW i can see your dilemma. I don't know what i would do, but you have to follow your heart. If you don't you'll always wonder what if, and this will always be something in the back of your mind that will eat away at you.
Knowing me, i would do both. I would write her a letter, i think its great to do this bc this way you can get all your feelings out in the open and say everything you've ever wanted to say. When you talk to the person you dont get the chance to say everything you wanted to. But in the letter let her know that you will call her in about a week, you'll give her time to process all this and get over the shock. I am sure if you just call her first reaction would be 'OMG is she angry with me' she wont know what to say. This way if you write her a letter first to let her know you are not mad and just want to talk, she will be alot more comfortable when you call her.
good luck i hope you get everything you ever wanted out of it
pandafish519
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Re: personal business..a little long
Posted by bluegreen08
I'd call or send an email or letter that way you have no regrets. if you call, write out something beforehand so you know what you want to say. good luck
i 100% agree... that way you can put it on paper and not be too overwhelmed with a phone conversation. i would be terrified talking on the phone and a letter would DEFINITELY be easier for me to do. Good luck!
evewedsjc
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Re: personal business..a little long
writing a letter or an email would be an easier thing of course. ...but the waiting may be worse so I say call...just take it slow...if she wants to listen she will..
it's a very brave thing you are doing!
I am praying for you that God gives you strength to continue to be brave and strength to find the right words.
FYI...I hope she's French...b/c I remember you like to think your French!!!
Soon2BMrsC09
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Re: personal business..a little long
I would write everything down that you want to say - personally I would talk to my adopted parents first - even tho they may be upset - I wouldnt want them to find out the wrong way that you want to make contact with your biological parents. I would personally call - you can have everything written down - there is no waiting or stalking the mailman - plus I think alot more can come from hearing someones tone than trying to interpret it through an email or a letter. I will keep you in my prayers for a happy turnout - but I would keep in mind that if it doesnt turn out the way that you want it to not be depressed, you have to have an amazing FH and family that loves you no matter what. If it turns out badly, just keep it into perspective all the love that surrounds you
flairforfashion
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Re: personal business..a little long
First off- I need to send you a I am very interested in your case because I always watch The Locater on We TV. I think you should make contact somehow. If you don't, you will go on with your life wondering what would have happened if you did contact her and the outcome. Good luck and keep us posted. I would love to know the outcome!
brookelovesjimbo
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Re: personal business..a little long
thanks for all your support girls, i really need it right now. i'm so scared.
and eve, i hope shes french too!!
evewedsjc
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Re: personal business..a little long
Posted by brookelovesjimbo
thanks for all your support girls, i really need it right now. i'm so scared.
and eve, i hope shes french too!!
Camroy
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Re: personal business..a little long
One thing to keep in mind when contacting her is that her family may not be aware that you exist. Not only will it be a shock to her that you are contacting her but it may put her in an awkward situation with the people in her life right now. Imagine having to explain to a spouse and children that you have another child? Some of the lack of response you might get from her could be from that. I would try to be as discreet as possible and perhaps a phone call might be best. Emails and mail can be opened by other individuals in her household. I don't know if you know the circumstance of why she put you up for adoption and depending what those are, you may be a secret she kept to herself.
It's natural to feel scared. Whatever her response is...don't feel rejected. There are so many factors that can play into how she reacts to you when you attempt to contact her. It may take quite some time for her to warm up to the idea. Depending on where you got your information from, perhaps a third party could contact her?
Best of Luck to you!
JamieAnt06202009
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Re: personal business..a little long
Posted by bluegreen08
I'd call or send an email or letter that way you have no regrets. if you call, write out something beforehand so you know what you want to say. good luck
I completely agree...good luck!!
oldfriendoflive
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Re: personal business..a little long
Brooke, I think that you should try to call. My best friend gave her son up for adoption when she was 16. HE is now 12 and I can see how much pain she is not knowing how he is but she cannot contact him. She hopes when he is of age that he contacts her but she knows it is all upto him. I am sure your mom will be so thrilled to know you want to talk to her, especially at this happy time in your life. If you need to talk more FM me. Good luck in what ever you choose to do.
meara
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Re: personal business..a little long
I agree with a bunch of the girls who say write first and call to follow-up. You could also say, don't write back but I will call on such and such a date b/c that way you don't have to sit and wait. . . waiting is so the awful part but I think that people respond best when they are not in shock so who knows what would happen if you just called, or if you had to leave a message - yikes!
Good luck either way. .
dazey
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Re: personal business..a little long
a phone call is going to be hard! but it's of course what you feel is the best way to handle it. my stepsister found her real father's info and called and basically couldn't handle it, she hung up, puked, and cried hysterically. so she then had her husband call and talk to her father and see if he was interested in talking to her, which he was.
MrsKtoBe
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Re: personal business..a little long
Congrats on finding her!!! I think you should do whatever makes you less nervous. Either way, and no matter how it goes, you're going to have some closure, and it might be the start of an awesome relationship. Good luck! You can do it
after recently falling for the new show The Locater...this is a great story... of course you must be terrified but you have to go thru with this or will always think 'what if'....i think i would send a letter first myself because i have always been a writer but i can understand the waiting thing. i wish you luck and if there is ANYTHING we can do to help...say the word
coldasice217
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Re: personal business..a little long
Wow, you must have so many different emotions right now. I agree with most...send an email. It will probably be less jarring. See if there's a way to do a receipt request, so at least you can find out if she actually read it. If a few weeks go by with no answer, see how you feel about a phone call. Hopefully she'll have read the email first before you call so it won't be a total shock.
Good luck with whatever you do!!!
babylin19
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Re: personal business..a little long
i am also adopted and have not yet had the courage to look for my birth parents. I totally understand where you are coming from. It would kill me to know that she may not get the letter or even respond. I think if you write exactly what you want to say, you should call. I think that if you don't do it, you might regret it or wonder the 'what if's.' I think you should really think about what would make you happy.
I wish you lots of luck and will be praying that you get the strength to continue this journey. If you do decide to make contact, i hope that it will be a positive outcome.
