FH is really really really mad at me. I feel terrible. I try to look out for him at times, but I now see how my 'looking out' has been putting him down (about weight). I'm a naturally skinny person and eat what I want, but not a lot of it. It's just how I work. You'd think I'd understand how he eats almost 3 years after being together, but I always make stupid comments and try to control some things. Well last night he blew up on me (which he had every right to) and now he wants nothing to do with me. How do I get out of this horrendous mess???????
I'm panicking here........I'm such an idiot........
Gigi08
Posted:
Member since
Re: PLEASE HELP!!! I'm really in the dog house.....
Posted by Christys0925
He will calm down just give hime time.
BUT, I will say I am very overweight and if DH EVER said anything like that I would have been devastated. Most people who are overweight are already insecure about themselves. Last time my mom said something to me I lost it and said 'you don't think I have a mirror and see it everyday?'
Trust me I know you have the best intentions and you are doing it because you love him. but this is a VERY touchy subject for someone who is not or has never been skinny. Telling someone over and over just makes you feel worse and worse about yourself, it never helped me.
Sorry if I sound harsh, just wanted to share from personal experience.
I have to agree. It sounds like you have the best intentions, but try and be a little more sensitive of his feelings even though you're concerned for his health. When you struggle with your weight you more than likely are already beating yourself up about it and it only makes you feel worse to have someone make you feel more self-conscious about it. And, if you're a stress eater, that's just going to make it worse. And when you've never struggled with your weight, I don't care what anyone says, you just don't know how that feels. Maybe something else is bothering him and this just set him off. Give him a chance to calm down...
ETA: And, I'm not trying to make you feel worse about it either. It's just I understand how he feels. It hurts and it's not as easy as 'just close your mouth' otherwise people wouldn't have issues with their weight.
AMGBride2008
Posted:
Member since
Re: PLEASE HELP!!! I'm really in the dog house.....
Put yourself in his shoes... what if he made comments about something that you might be self-conscious about.
It's tough to censor ourselves around the people we love and trust the most, but when it comes to certain physical aspects, we need to really check ourselves before we say what we're thinking.
I think - like the other posters - you need to give him a while to calm down. I don't think you're being selfish with your concerns about his weight and his health - I really think you're coming from the best place with the best intentions. You need to find a way to HELP him without criticizing him... start cooking healthier; when you go grocery shopping, buy less junk (and even if you are naturally skinny and can eat whatever, whenever, you would probably benefit from a change in eating habits too); ask him if he wants to take a walk after dinner or take a walk to get some coffee or something like that.
Take him out to his favorite restaraunt or cook his favorite meal and explain to him that you never mean to hurt his feelings when you say certain things, you are just genuinely concerned for his health... let him know that you are going to make a great effort in considering his feelings in the future.
MikeandJess
Posted:
Member since
Re: PLEASE HELP!!! I'm really in the dog house.....
Posted by AMGBride2008
Put yourself in his shoes... what if he made comments about something that you might be self-conscious about.
It's tough to censor ourselves around the people we love and trust the most, but when it comes to certain physical aspects, we need to really check ourselves before we say what we're thinking.
I think - like the other posters - you need to give him a while to calm down. I don't think you're being selfish with your concerns about his weight and his health - I really think you're coming from the best place with the best intentions. You need to find a way to HELP him without criticizing him... start cooking healthier; when you go grocery shopping, buy less junk (and even if you are naturally skinny and can eat whatever, whenever, you would probably benefit from a change in eating habits too); ask him if he wants to take a walk after dinner or take a walk to get some coffee or something like that.
Take him out to his favorite restaraunt or cook his favorite meal and explain to him that you never mean to hurt his feelings when you say certain things, you are just genuinely concerned for his health... let him know that you are going to make a great effort in considering his feelings in the future.
I think you should star your own 'Dear Kim ' column
Gigi08
Posted:
Member since
Re: PLEASE HELP!!! I'm really in the dog house.....
Posted by MikeandJess
Posted by AMGBride2008
Put yourself in his shoes... what if he made comments about something that you might be self-conscious about.
It's tough to censor ourselves around the people we love and trust the most, but when it comes to certain physical aspects, we need to really check ourselves before we say what we're thinking.
I think - like the other posters - you need to give him a while to calm down. I don't think you're being selfish with your concerns about his weight and his health - I really think you're coming from the best place with the best intentions. You need to find a way to HELP him without criticizing him... start cooking healthier; when you go grocery shopping, buy less junk (and even if you are naturally skinny and can eat whatever, whenever, you would probably benefit from a change in eating habits too); ask him if he wants to take a walk after dinner or take a walk to get some coffee or something like that.
Take him out to his favorite restaraunt or cook his favorite meal and explain to him that you never mean to hurt his feelings when you say certain things, you are just genuinely concerned for his health... let him know that you are going to make a great effort in considering his feelings in the future.
I think you should star your own 'Dear Kim ' column
She's giving some (oops...missed a word) good advice though!
anamaree77
Posted:
Member since
Re: PLEASE HELP!!! I'm really in the dog house.....
Is this a girl thing?? OMG FH just told me the same thing last night, that I try to control everything and tell him how to do stuff. It came to a huge screaming match in bed from 11pm thru 2 in the morning!!!!!!!!!!!! FH ended up saying that I complain about everything he does to the point that he's afraid to even mention he did something. I think he's being ridiculous and I am a very opinionated person and can't change. I never tell him not to do anything but my point of view is what it is and I HAVE TO SAY IT lol. I can't help myself.
Anyway, my point is, I think we all have some issues in one way or another. Obviously, this is a bad time to talk to FH about anything. If I were you, I would apologize sincerely and explain to him that you are in no way trying to put him down. Most importantly, I think a 'I am so sorry and I was wrong' would go a long way. Keep us posted.
AMGBride2008
Posted:
Member since
Re: PLEASE HELP!!! I'm really in the dog house.....
Posted by MikeandJess
Posted by AMGBride2008
Put yourself in his shoes... what if he made comments about something that you might be self-conscious about.
It's tough to censor ourselves around the people we love and trust the most, but when it comes to certain physical aspects, we need to really check ourselves before we say what we're thinking.
I think - like the other posters - you need to give him a while to calm down. I don't think you're being selfish with your concerns about his weight and his health - I really think you're coming from the best place with the best intentions. You need to find a way to HELP him without criticizing him... start cooking healthier; when you go grocery shopping, buy less junk (and even if you are naturally skinny and can eat whatever, whenever, you would probably benefit from a change in eating habits too); ask him if he wants to take a walk after dinner or take a walk to get some coffee or something like that.
Take him out to his favorite restaraunt or cook his favorite meal and explain to him that you never mean to hurt his feelings when you say certain things, you are just genuinely concerned for his health... let him know that you are going to make a great effort in considering his feelings in the future.
I think you should star your own 'Dear Kim ' column
Yeah, and before you know it people will be jumping off buildings and drowning their sorrows in alcohol! (both NOT funny, but you KWIM!)
Coach416
Posted:
Member since
Re: PLEASE HELP!!! I'm really in the dog house.....
Posted by Gigi08
Posted by Christys0925
He will calm down just give hime time.
BUT, I will say I am very overweight and if DH EVER said anything like that I would have been devastated. Most people who are overweight are already insecure about themselves. Last time my mom said something to me I lost it and said 'you don't think I have a mirror and see it everyday?'
Trust me I know you have the best intentions and you are doing it because you love him. but this is a VERY touchy subject for someone who is not or has never been skinny. Telling someone over and over just makes you feel worse and worse about yourself, it never helped me.
Sorry if I sound harsh, just wanted to share from personal experience.
I have to agree. It sounds like you have the best intentions, but try and be a little more sensitive of his feelings even though you're concerned for his health. When you struggle with your weight you more than likely are already beating yourself up about it and it only makes you feel worse to have someone make you feel more self-conscious about it. And, if you're a stress eater, that's just going to make it worse. And when you've never struggled with your weight, I don't care what anyone says, you just don't know how that feels. Maybe something else is bothering him and this just set him off. Give him a chance to calm down...
ETA: And, I'm not trying to make you feel worse about it either. It's just I understand how he feels. It hurts and it's not as easy as 'just close your mouth' otherwise people wouldn't have issues with their weight.
You're both right ladies. Thank you.
Gigi08
Posted:
Member since
Re: PLEASE HELP!!! I'm really in the dog house.....
Posted by Coach416
Posted by Gigi08
Posted by Christys0925
He will calm down just give hime time.
BUT, I will say I am very overweight and if DH EVER said anything like that I would have been devastated. Most people who are overweight are already insecure about themselves. Last time my mom said something to me I lost it and said 'you don't think I have a mirror and see it everyday?'
Trust me I know you have the best intentions and you are doing it because you love him. but this is a VERY touchy subject for someone who is not or has never been skinny. Telling someone over and over just makes you feel worse and worse about yourself, it never helped me.
Sorry if I sound harsh, just wanted to share from personal experience.
I have to agree. It sounds like you have the best intentions, but try and be a little more sensitive of his feelings even though you're concerned for his health. When you struggle with your weight you more than likely are already beating yourself up about it and it only makes you feel worse to have someone make you feel more self-conscious about it. And, if you're a stress eater, that's just going to make it worse. And when you've never struggled with your weight, I don't care what anyone says, you just don't know how that feels. Maybe something else is bothering him and this just set him off. Give him a chance to calm down...
ETA: And, I'm not trying to make you feel worse about it either. It's just I understand how he feels. It hurts and it's not as easy as 'just close your mouth' otherwise people wouldn't have issues with their weight.
You're both right ladies. Thank you.
Aw, you're welcome. Give him a little time to come around. I'm sure he understands too that your intentions are good, but is just upset and hurt right now.
