I know that nothing is NECESSARY at a wedding besides the bride, the groom, the officiant and witnesses, however, there are things we do because we think they're the right thing to do, or because we want to, or whatever.
So, FH and I have been having a huge debate about the RD. Background - his father is deceased, his mom is in her late 70's living on a fixed income and in NO way can afford to host a RD. We agreed over a year ago that we would pay for it.
Last weekend my brother informed me he quit his job. He was the chef at the country club where we were going to have the RD. As a result of his decision the cost of the RD has now doubled. (long story)
FH thinks we should just skip the entire RD. I said b/c we are actually having a rehearsal and some of our BP members are coming in from OOT early for the rehearsal, while the others are leaving work early that day to be there, and the rehearsal should go from @ 4:30 PM to 6:00 PM, the right thing to do is feed the BP.
If we weren't having an actual rehearsal I would be inclined to agree with him that it is not a requirement, since then nobody would be taking off from work early, or coming in from OOT and missing work for a few days. However, because we are I think the right thing to do is to provide dinner. We have to have an actual rehearsal due to the unusual location and circumstances surrounding our ceremony.
What do you think?
Jackie&Justin
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Re: Please Help Settle a Debate
Can you have it someplace perhaps thats cheaper like Fridays? Can you ask your parents to chip in? How many people are coming?
libby2595
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i'm also having an early rehearsal. and i know people will be leaving work early to make it.
is there another place where you can feed your bp? a local restaurant? or even at your place?
i agree with both of you. a rd is NOT a NEED, but you already have people changing their routine for your rehearsal, i would feel obligated to feed them SOMETHING.
because of our 'long story', we're having our rehearsal in our back yard followed by pizza and beer.
hth
NY031978
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Re: Please Help Settle a Debate
i think having it as less expensive place is your best option. Where is your rehersal at? maybe we can think of some other places in that area.
i dont think its a must too feed them but i do think its the right thing to do!
NYBride2008
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I think there are a couple of alternatives: Myabe like a wine and pizza and someone's house?? Or what about just a quick happy hour?? Local restaurant?? Get together at the house with just cold cut heroes?? I don't know trying to throw out some suggestions..... You have people coming from OOT so i would think you have to do something... how many people are you expecting?
DC2
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I do think the guests should be invited for a meal. Can you cut the list down at all? How about doing it at a family members house and everybody cooking a dish or ordering/catering something small?
October Bliss
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Answers to the questions in the thread:
Last week the '06 girls listed @ 15 different places for me to try and match the price I was getting with my brother. The closest I could get is $6 more p/p before tax and gratuity and drinks. Some people from work also suggested a bunch of places.
The headcount for the RD is 32 if everyone attends. The accounts for the entire BP and their spouses (and the child of one BP member that is coming in from OOT b/c they can't leave her in the hotel alone), my immediate family, his immediate family, our ceremony hosts, and the officiant. Theoretically, I could exclude spouses, but again, I don't think it's right.
I have considered just wine & cheese, or ordering in pizza, but neither my mother's house nor FMIL's house can handle that many people in the event of inclement weather on the day of the rehearsal.
Alcohol is the most expensive option, so a small cocktail party (at an average of $5 per drink) isn't really an option for that many people considering how much 4 of the attendees can drink.
My mom has already contributed by paying for my dress and my veil, and our HM cruise.
iffy
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Re: Please Help Settle a Debate
what if you rent a tent for your yard, and have your chef-brother cook for your rehearsal dinner?
OctoberPrincess2006
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I would def. feed your BP. We had thought about having it at our soon to be place (we love cooking) , but it is too small to hold all of our guests. So we decided to have it in one of our fave restuarnts in Queens, which includes wine and beer in the price (unlimited).
rojerono
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Re: Please Help Settle a Debate
I agree with everyone else... you should have SOMETHING... but maybe not a formal type affair.
Do you have a friend with a decent sized home that might be able to accomodate a dinner party? If it is not a formal sit down dinner.. but more a burgers, dogs, salads and beer thing... then you might be able to get more people in a smaller place.
When I was living in my apartment I had a number of parties. In the winter I would set up a table with food and people would take and find a seat in the living room or dining room. Some would hang out standing up... it worked out. They were glad to just be fed and to have free beer.
Some ideas for less expensive buffet type foods that I have used for my parties: TexMex night with a HUGE pot of chili and a big tray of chicken taco meat with all the fixings... rice, chips, chopped cilantro, chopped tomato, chopped onions, sour cream, cornbread, sauces, shells of every size... Corona, Dos Eckes...
I have also had Carving Buffet - Big *** Turkey and a Spiral Ham with gravies, green bean casserole, dinner rolls, salad, smashed taters.
People want to be there for YOU. The food is a bonus - as you know. It is a really nice bonus, and I think you can do a lot on a shoestring.
sr081906
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Re: Please Help Settle a Debate
While I agree that 'feeding them' is the RIGHT THING TO DO, I also agree with the other girls about the cheaper route.
What about a local caterer? OR, do italian style food. Sausage and Pepper, baked ziti, etc. Pick 'filling' food.
32 people is a lot but $$$ option (actual restaurant) is not really an option so they just need to be all cozy inside (in someone's home) in case of inclement weather.
For the alcohol, go to Costo, some of their locations have the alcohol store.
It is still going to cost about $5 per person. I don't know how cheaper you could go. Unless you just feed them chips.
The wine and cheese is not really an option at night (at dinner time).
ejm1219
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I am having a bbq at home. It saves a lot of money!
Princess92406
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mrsh2b
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I agree that you have to at least feed them dinner. Like an another poster said, doing a fiesta theme would be inexpensive...all you would need a jug of sangria and a few cases of corona. Mexican food is inexpensive to make. As is italian food.
Also, a hero from a deli can be inexpensive...you could probably get one for $50 and that usually comes with the salads. You could do that with little hors d'vours and homeade desserts. Tap into your's and FH's family and ask everyone to make something.
TaraJohn
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Re: Please Help Settle a Debate
we are having peopleover my parents house ater the rehearsal. i figure we will have a couple small catered dishes. not having many people
kittythestray
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We are doing the backyard BBQ after the rehersal. Just burgers/chicken & some sides, these are all the people closest to us (at the rehersal) and they all COMPLETELY understand about no $$. Good luck!
SeptBride70
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Re: Please Help Settle a Debate
Posted by kittythestray
We are doing the backyard BBQ after the rehersal. Just burgers/chicken & some sides, these are all the people closest to us (at the rehersal) and they all COMPLETELY understand about no $$. Good luck!
I agree-- get some good recipes for cute dishes and you and FH cook-- get the grill going and have people over. Don't make yourself crazy about it-do the best you can do and explain to everyone the situation and that this was the best you guys could do on such short notice with a limited budget.
augustbride12
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Re: Please Help Settle a Debate
I've been to all kinds of rehearsal dinners, from big and fancy to small. One of my favorite ones was at someone's house - we had heros, etc. It was great. Maybe that would be a cheaper option for you? Goodluck!
ewickens
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I would keep the numbers the same (of people invited) and find an inexpensive place to hold the affair.
I know you said people's houses were too small to hold the large group, but what about where the rehearsal is taking place? COuld you hold it there and cater it for a small cost?
If I had a house, Darlene - I'd offer my place up to you to use to cut costs!!!
LandsEnd06
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Re: Please Help Settle a Debate
Personally, I think you should still have some sort of meal. It can be casual at someone's house or an inexpensive restuarant. But I think if people are coming in from out of town, you should have a dinner.
