Please help... sorry long

I'm sitting here like hysterical. Me and my FH just got into a big argument. I guess i should start from the beggining. My FI hadnt had many serious girlfriends before me, so when i met him, all his friends were single, including his twin brother. Anyway, when we got serious, he stopped seeing his friends as much to hang out with me. He also has two friends whop dont drink, so when we had invited them out on fridays they never came. I started to notice that even everytime i see them i got the cold shoulder. We have been together now almost four years. He had picked these guys, to be his groomsmen and now the sh** has hit the fan. We are hearing from certain people that they dont like me or that my FI has changed cuz of me, which he has. he used to be really shy and now hes i guess you could say, himself. Anyway, his twin borther , also our best man, has caused a lot of stress for all of us. mostly high school drama that everyone is sick of and we dont need. so now they arent on speaking terms. it a nutshell, he likes my best friend, who is also getting married, she doesnt like him, so he thinks its my fault in his sick head. So now he has turned My fiances mother and all of his friends against me. My fi is trying to talk to all of them, but i dont know. i dont even know if i am making sense, i just feel so alone. I think im a nice person, and non of these people know me and yet they chose to judge me and my FI. well my thought is what kind of friends or brother are they if they cant see that my FI is happy? I dont want any of them to be any part of my wedding or my life right now. My friends would never do this. is there some thing that when a guys single friends see him with someone he loves, they all gang up on him?? what is that?? if anyones there, let me know.....

Re: Please help... sorry long

sounds to me like alot of jealousy here. jealousy due to the fact that your FH doesn't spend time,or as much with the guys anymore, i think thats called settling down & growing up!
relax. you did nothing wrong and in time, i bet they change and treat you differently.
how old are these guys?
sounds to me they need to grow up. summer is here too and they are probably itching for him to go out with them. if your FH wanted to go out, i am sure he would, obviously he likes his time with you.
ignore them, this is your time, you are going to get married! and not to them so don't worry!
be your sweet self and dont say anything harsh to them or get into any conflicts with them. let FH handle it and it will all work out in the end

Re: Please help... sorry long

OK these guys are 24 and 25. time to grow up!! Especially his brother. I mean ur right. this is suppose to be the happiest time of my life and, ive grown up, but now its like im back in high school dealing with this crap. if they dont like me , they should just back out

Re: Please help... sorry long

sounds like jealousy to me too!--

-i have been close to 2 sets of twins growing up--the sets are completely different than each other but similar in the way that when one has a boyfriend the other does too and if one is single the other has to be too---it was very rare that one would have a boyfriend while the other was single--so rare that i don't ever recall that happening for a very long period of time ! weird but true!
maybe your future BIL is jealous of the attention your fi is getting.........if they were real friends they would be happy for him and keep their mouths shut! people need to learn to judge someone for themself and not what other people say--he should not be influencing your future MIL....
be yourself and continue w/your happy plans--don't let anyone bring you down!!!

Re: Please help... sorry long

OMG your living my life! I recentlyjust found out that a couple of my fh's friends dont like me cause I changed him. Which like in your case, I did. I made him see that they werent true friends and that they used him. He chose not to hang with them as much cause their lives consisted of going to clubs and getting drunk and we were in a different stage. I let it go. Figure they have showed their true colors and proved my point to fh. Dont worry too much about it. One of our groomsmen even pulled out because of it. I was upset before but then got a lot of advice from brides on this board and uw and I am better. Remember...it is about you and him. He should be your best friend now and vice versa! Good luck!

Re: Please help... sorry long

Well im glad someone else is going though it. I was just starting to doubt myself, u know?? Like did i change him? was it bad? who knows. thanks for being here ladies!! you guys are the best

Re: Please help... sorry long

yea kimmie, they are just immature...they'll get over it

Re: Please help... sorry long

I think you should call your FMIL yourself and tell her how upset you are over hearing rumors of people trying to turn her against you. That is insane. Your FH loves you, you love him. We ALL change when we get serious with someone. We HAVE to change in our lives to adjust to a committed relationship, as well as the fact that we ALL change as we grow-up. Your FH could not be a going out every night to the bars kind of guy anymore. He fell in love and with that comes new interests. There is nothing wrong with it.
If you feel that you keep him away from his friends for some reason then you both should discuss it and figure out a way to make peace. But if they are just jealous of the fact that your FH is moving forward with his life, then you need to confront these people head on. It is easy to say mean things behind someone's back, but let them say everything to your face. I bet the don't.

Re: Please help... sorry long

look at your father...is he partying with the boys still? I think in most of our cases he is not...People get older...can't go out and party like they used to...its a fact of life...both DH and I have friends younger than us that are starting to say...'now we know why you guys stopped going out all the time...we just can't do it...'

I have recently come to the conclusion that everyone has a bit of insanity in them (myself included) and its unfortunate when it is directed at you. Why do people act this way? Its the same reason humans are able to complete complex mathematics and physics problems...we have the ability to be rational...but more importantly we have the ability to be IRrational...

I wish I could offer you advice...but I am not sure how to handle this...what I can do is give you a {{{{}}}}}}

Re: Please help... sorry long

Boys are just being immature... When I met my FI, only 2 of his friends were couples, the rest singles, but now the few that are still single are really trying hard to find girls. My FI also hangs out less with buddies, but we do double/tripple dates kind of stuff. Even one of the hard core clubbies is trying to settle down, and these are guys around 25-26.
Hopefully it will pass and they'll realized that wedding only happens once in a lifetime, and will respect the choice that your FI made without jealousy.

Re: Please help... sorry long

Kimmie, I am so sorry that you are going through this right now. FH and I were just talking the other night about how we both have changed. We used to go out all the time but after we met eachother we realized that we would rather spend more quality time with eachother and save for a house and family. It's just a part of life, people mature and their priorities change. I feel bad that your FH's friends and brother are giving you such a hard time. Hopefully they realize how immature they are being.

Re: Please help... sorry long

Hopefully this can give you a little perspective from an 'old lady' (yes, I'm all of 32 years old -- somehow I manage to type with the arthritis )

Anyway -- my FI are one of the LAST of his buddies/family to get married, so the drama you describe is not something we deal with --> we get more of the 'Congratulations - I'm glad you finally found the right person to settle down with...' stuff.

Now, compare this to the reception my FI's friend got when he was the first of the group to get married! They were literally asking him -- 'Are you sure?!?' -- on a constant basis. On the morning of the wedding, they were trying to convince him that he should get in the car & they'd just leave / run away!

Yes, his friends/family are all jealous!! And maybe too, they think he's young to be making this commitment.... Not that he is, mind you!! But when you imagine your friend a certain way (the young kid you hang out with at the drop of a hat) it's hard to imagine him as someone's husband...

I know, as the last of my friends to get married, it was a bummer to 'lose' my friends when they got hitched. I thought 'that will never be me! I'll still hang out with my buddies on my own' -- But of course now I practically spend 24/7 with my FI or with my FI and our married couple friends & I couldn't be happier!

The thing is that stuff like this can either pull you together or pull you apart. Your FI has to decide if he wants to move forward with you -- or walk backwards & stay with them. After you get married, time will tell.

I'm sorry you're going through this. It's not fair! You have every right to be upset -- but don't internalize this. You could be God's gift to Man -- and they'd still be upset that you're 'taking their friend away.'

Re: Please help... sorry long

Kimmie, Im not sure what advice to give, except dont let these immature people accomplish what they want to accomplish and that is causing problems between you and your FH. The two of you will find a way to work through this. Although I think its crazy that his own brother is making this kind of trouble for him.
Anyway, hope you guys work it out, and remember we are always here for you!!