Please help.....I don't know what to do...(long)

Original post by bride2007

Apr 12, 2004 07:48 PM

I am using a new name because I don't want anyone to know who I am........

FH & I each have 1 much younger sibling that we have always tried to hang out with once in a while. A few months ago, FH was hanging out with his brother & his friends a lot. (I have a CRAZY school schedule & work was slow for him--now he works 70-80 hrs a week) anyway, FH, Brother & Brother's good friend (girl) were together a lot. This girl friend of FH's Brother starts calling FH sometimes looking for Brother & they would go wait for Brother to get off work. Now, FH & I are 25, Brother is 19 & this girl is 16. I express my EXTREME DISSAPPROVAL (hello...16!) of this as does Brother. FH & I have it out (FH doesn't think it's so bad-it's just his brother's friend...blah...blah...blah) & it gets resolved. FH & Brother have it out & Brother tells FH he doesn't want to be best man anymore at our wedding & they stop speaking. Before any of this happened, we all thought Brother had a BIG crush on this girl, so FH thinks Brother overreacted because of his crush & FH is very upset. FH & I are OK, but FH still not talking to Brother. Well, today I run into an acuatance (sp??) of me, Fh, Brother & girl, who tells me, 'if I had know about the situation with 'girl' I would have told you right away & I'm sorry. I just had a talk with her about how F**** up she is'!!!!!!!!!! I just about threw up. I don't know what to do. Brother obviously didn't overreact because of a crush, he knew something I didn't. FH is out east taking care of his Grandmother so I won't see him until late tonight or tomorrow. I can't even see straight. Please tell me what you think. thanks so much

sorry so confusing & long

marymoon Posted: Apr 12, 2004 08:14 PM

Re: Please help.....I don't know what to do...(long)

Posted by daisybride

Is there any way you could call FH where he is just so that you can rest? Does he have a cell phone? I know I would be making it 100x worse by the time I got to speak to him.

You're not coming across as rude at all.

What I meant was that the fact that she's 16 is mitigated by the fact that she's the friend of FH's brother...and their ages are close...you know what I mean? It would be different if he just met her off the street...but maybe he's just trying to hang with his brother's friend. I don't find it THAT alarming. A little odd maybe..but not huge. That's JMO/

bride2007 Posted: Apr 12, 2004 08:21 PM

Re: Please help.....I don't know what to do...(long)

He does have a cell phone, but this a conversation I need to have with him in person. Plus he's at his Grandmother's & I don't think she want to hear this--he's not much of a phone person anyway & will want to wait until he comes home.

Thank you everyone for all the I need them!

marymoon Posted: Apr 12, 2004 08:26 PM

Re: Please help.....I don't know what to do...(long)

Here are some more

And it's probably nothing.

Chin up

Bride2B93 Posted: Apr 12, 2004 08:27 PM

Re: Please help.....I don't know what to do...(long)

I hope that it all works out!! I'm sure that you will feel better once you talk to FH!

wenndypoo Posted: Apr 12, 2004 08:29 PM

Re: Please help.....I don't know what to do...(long)

Okay, I see what you are saying here. First off, it is a little odd that he would chose to hang out with this girl on his own, 'waiting for brother to get off work'. What the heck does a 25 yo have in common with a 16 yo? Secondly, for his brother to get so upset, to the point where they do not speak, there has to be something else. And after what the aquaintence said to you, I'd be HIGHLY suspicious of this situation. I don't want to upset you any further, but where there is smoke, there is usually fire.
I would talk to brother to get his side of the story. When FI gets home, lay it on the line that you know these things. This is absolutley something that you two need to work out.

I'm sorry you are going through this, I can't imagine how you are feeling right now

Good luck

bride2007 Posted: Apr 12, 2004 09:44 PM

Re: Please help.....I don't know what to do...(long)

thank you soooooooooooo much wenndypoo!!! that's EXACTLY how I am feeling & what I am thinking! I don't think I will see FH tonight--we both live at home--he'll be home late from his Grandmother's & I have class tomorrow so I won't see him until 6:30p I want to get this over with already!

ETS: wenndypoo--OMG I just realized you are getting married in 4 DAYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Good luck, Congrats & have a great !!!

daisybride Posted: Apr 13, 2004 01:12 PM

Re: Please help.....I don't know what to do...(long)

Just wanted to see if you made out okay with everything and to offer you

tourist Posted: Apr 13, 2004 01:43 PM

Re: Please help.....I don't know what to do...(long)

the inforamtn/acquanticne didn't elaborate?

You never knwo what he heard 2nd hand & may have misunderstood.
talk to FH first, but if something seems off, talk to the brother too.

bridzilla Posted: Apr 13, 2004 02:18 PM

Re: Please help.....I don't know what to do...(long)

I am sorry you have to go through this. Hopefully it is all a misunderstanding. We are here for you.

eogara Posted: Apr 13, 2004 07:39 PM

Re: Please help.....I don't know what to do...(long)

bride2007, I've been thinking about you all day - did anything get resolved last night/today?

BriBri529 Posted: Apr 13, 2004 09:02 PM

Re: Please help.....I don't know what to do...(long)

I hope everything works out!!!

butterfly20 Posted: Apr 13, 2004 09:27 PM

Re: Please help.....I don't know what to do...(long)

i hope it works out

allaboutthecake Posted: Apr 13, 2004 09:38 PM

Re: Please help.....I don't know what to do...(long)

Geez I am so sorry that you have to be going through this. It is really weird that your FH and this girl would go wait for you FH brother to get out of work....why not just wait by themselves....what could they have to talk about. Ok even if your FH was just being nice...it should only have happened once. Why would he want to waste his time waiting for his brother to get out work. It also doesn't make sense that his brother would get all mad that he doesn't want to wait with this girl...he could have been like...she is so much younger than me blah blah blah. I feel so bad I don't want to make it sound like I think something def. happened because you never really know what could have happened...it could be nothing. I just feel bad that now you have to deal with this and probably have to check up on what your FH says with what other people have said. Let us know how it works out and I really hope that there is some stupid reason why everything got so confusing. Good luck.

OSCARtheGROOM Posted: Apr 13, 2004 10:10 PM

Re: Please help.....I don't know what to do...(long)

When I turned 18 my father and brothers always told me 16 will get you 20. I made sure i stayed away from that problem.

OSCARtheGROOM Posted: Apr 13, 2004 10:12 PM

Re: Please help.....I don't know what to do...(long)

Posted by wenndypoo

Okay, I see what you are saying here. First off, it is a little odd that he would chose to hang out with this girl on his own, 'waiting for brother to get off work'. What the heck does a 25 yo have in common with a 16 yo? Secondly, for his brother to get so upset, to the point where they do not speak, there has to be something else. And after what the aquaintence said to you, I'd be HIGHLY suspicious of this situation. I don't want to upset you any further, but where there is smoke, there is usually fire.
I would talk to brother to get his side of the story. When FI gets home, lay it on the line that you know these things. This is absolutley something that you two need to work out.

I'm sorry you are going through this, I can't imagine how you are feeling right now

Good luck

I agree!

violetfairy Posted: Apr 13, 2004 10:18 PM

Re: Please help.....I don't know what to do...(long)

I would be highly suspicious, too. Hugs to you. Will be thinking of you!

wenndypoo Posted: Apr 13, 2004 10:25 PM

Re: Please help.....I don't know what to do...(long)

bride2007 how are you doing?

Maribelle7777 Posted: Apr 13, 2004 10:26 PM

Re: Please help.....I don't know what to do...(long)

Posted by bride2007

I don't think there is now but I think there might have been why else would this person who knows us all say that if they knew what was going on with Fh & 16 they would have told me??? I know it's confusing-I tried to sum up about 3 months in a paragraph. I read it & almost got confused! Fh's Brother would never get mad just because FH was with his friend unless something not right happened...I can't think of any other reason.

ETS: the 'informant' was a guy who wouldn't say something like that unless it was true.

Hugs to you first and foremost

Before you go pointing fingers, make sure this 'informant' has his facts straight. Maybe the accquiantance/informant got his information 2nd hand? 3rd hand? Maybe this girl had a crush on your FH and she exaggerated some things??? Talk to your FH first in a calm manner about it. Tell him you heard something and you would like him to explain the exact extent of his relationship with this girl. Talk to your FBIL if you have to, too. I mean this informant said this 16 yo girl was f***** up...maybe she's exaggerating or even lying about having any sort of relationship with your FH.

I hope that is the case. In any event, don't freak out until you know all the correct facts.

Good luck and I hope it works out for you in the end.

bride2007 Posted: Apr 14, 2004 07:57 PM

Re: Please help.....I don't know what to do...(long)

Thanks everyone for all your kind thoughts & . I had a talk with FH last night & got nowhere I told him what I had heard & he became defensive & angry that we were having this conversation again. Even though the last conversation we had about this sl*t was that i didn't want him hanging out with 16 year olds. What a horrible person I am! So this just proves to me that something was/is going on. I got mad & stormed out of his house & haven't spoken to him since. If I were him & he had told me that people were telling him I was with some guy & I wasn't, I would do everything in my power to make sure he knew I wasn't & never would be. The fact that he has not done this & hasn't even called me just makes me think he doesn't care or he got caught. I know if I were him I would be calling me & coming to my house every 5 minutes to prove my love for him. I guess he doesn't feel the same about me. oh well, better I found out now i guess. Thanks again for all your & advice--I have to go try to study for a test I have tomorrow. I will let you know when anything else happens. to you all

ETS: I spoke to the informant again last night after I talked to FH & the informant told me that it was all a rumor. Bull S***. Someone started the rumor to get back at the 16 yo. Well if this is true I don't care because I am not in high schol anymore & this is MY LIFE some one is messing with. This is not my high school b-f I am just messing around with. I am supposed to be MARRYING THIS MAN. I know that may be hard for high-schoolers to understand, they are def. not thinking about marriage right now. anyway-thanks again