Please help.....I don't know what to do...(long)

bride2007 Posted: Apr 12, 2004 07:48 PM

Please help.....I don't know what to do...(long)

I am using a new name because I don't want anyone to know who I am........

FH & I each have 1 much younger sibling that we have always tried to hang out with once in a while. A few months ago, FH was hanging out with his brother & his friends a lot. (I have a CRAZY school schedule & work was slow for him--now he works 70-80 hrs a week) anyway, FH, Brother & Brother's good friend (girl) were together a lot. This girl friend of FH's Brother starts calling FH sometimes looking for Brother & they would go wait for Brother to get off work. Now, FH & I are 25, Brother is 19 & this girl is 16. I express my EXTREME DISSAPPROVAL (hello...16!) of this as does Brother. FH & I have it out (FH doesn't think it's so bad-it's just his brother's friend...blah...blah...blah) & it gets resolved. FH & Brother have it out & Brother tells FH he doesn't want to be best man anymore at our wedding & they stop speaking. Before any of this happened, we all thought Brother had a BIG crush on this girl, so FH thinks Brother overreacted because of his crush & FH is very upset. FH & I are OK, but FH still not talking to Brother. Well, today I run into an acuatance (sp??) of me, Fh, Brother & girl, who tells me, 'if I had know about the situation with 'girl' I would have told you right away & I'm sorry. I just had a talk with her about how F**** up she is'!!!!!!!!!! I just about threw up. I don't know what to do. Brother obviously didn't overreact because of a crush, he knew something I didn't. FH is out east taking care of his Grandmother so I won't see him until late tonight or tomorrow. I can't even see straight. Please tell me what you think. thanks so much

sorry so confusing & long

marymoon Posted: Apr 12, 2004 07:51 PM

Re: Please help.....I don't know what to do...(long)

I can't really make sense of the situation. I don't know what to tell you. Are you thinking there's something going on b/w FH and the 16 year old? I'm not sure I understand what the dispute is about...

suven Posted: Apr 12, 2004 07:52 PM

Re: Please help.....I don't know what to do...(long)

So, this acquantance was trying to say that your FH and this girl had a relationship?

How well do you trust the info that you got from her? Can you call your FH's brother and talk to him about this girl and what went on between her and the two of them?

wc0143 Posted: Apr 12, 2004 07:53 PM

Re: Please help.....I don't know what to do...(long)

it is confusing ... what did the acquaintance know that you didn't? that 'girl' had crush on FH? I'm sorry - I'm just lost!

AtticaQT Posted: Apr 12, 2004 07:54 PM

Re: Please help.....I don't know what to do...(long)

I'm sorry - i cant make sense of teh situation either - but i'm sending you lots of

bride2007 Posted: Apr 12, 2004 07:55 PM

Re: Please help.....I don't know what to do...(long)

I don't think there is now but I think there might have been why else would this person who knows us all say that if they knew what was going on with Fh & 16 they would have told me??? I know it's confusing-I tried to sum up about 3 months in a paragraph. I read it & almost got confused! Fh's Brother would never get mad just because FH was with his friend unless something not right happened...I can't think of any other reason.

ETS: the 'informant' was a guy who wouldn't say something like that unless it was true.

RedHead Posted: Apr 12, 2004 07:59 PM

Re: Please help.....I don't know what to do...(long)

I think you and your FH need to sit and have a chat. I think i would wait up for him.
This is a little crazy and i don't think i could rest until this was resolved.
Is this acquaintence a reliable person???

RedHead Posted: Apr 12, 2004 08:00 PM

Re: Please help.....I don't know what to do...(long)

maybe the brother is unhappy because you FH told him how ridiculous hanging out with a 16 year old is...I mean seriously that is sad

The Original 2nd-time-around Posted: Apr 12, 2004 08:01 PM

Re: Please help.....I don't know what to do...(long)

I also would call FH brother and find out what the deal was.

daisybride Posted: Apr 12, 2004 08:01 PM

Re: Please help.....I don't know what to do...(long)

Can you call FH brother and ask him what is going on? See if he has another side to the story.

Lorena Posted: Apr 12, 2004 08:02 PM

Re: Please help.....I don't know what to do...(long)

who is this acquaintance? how do they know your FH, brother and the girl?

if you talk to your fh's brother without fh knowing, how will he (both fh and the borther) react? wil the brother even talk to you?

don't jump to conclusions but definitely investigate. i think you need to tell you FH what the acquaintance said and get this out in the open. i wouldn't accuse him of anything but you need to have a conversation here. your trust for him has been compromised & that is not a good thing. hang in there. i hope it turns out to be nothing.

marymoon Posted: Apr 12, 2004 08:02 PM

Re: Please help.....I don't know what to do...(long)

Thi guy might have seen them together and gotte the wrong impression based on nothing..you never know. My FSIL was so sure I was cheating on FH at one point and she told the whole family. 'Course it wasn't true at all. Sometimes people just see things the wya they want to see them. Definitely talk to FH.

bride2007 Posted: Apr 12, 2004 08:04 PM

Re: Please help.....I don't know what to do...(long)

Well, not so sad for FH's brother-he is 19. I told FH he was disgusting for hanging out with a 16 year old. Even though it's his brother's friend & they were with him. HELLO--16!! That's like, 'oh excuse me, I have to go to my friend's 8th grade graduation--see you later.'

soon2bmrs2004 Posted: Apr 12, 2004 08:08 PM

Re: Please help.....I don't know what to do...(long)

I would call your FH brother and find out what happened.
Then after you talk to him I would wait up and talk to FH about it. Let him know everything you found out and see what he has to say.
Not knowing you or what type of person you are this may be very diffuclt to do. Hang in there!!!!! The truth will come out.

MegLehner Posted: Apr 12, 2004 08:09 PM

Re: Please help.....I don't know what to do...(long)

I think you should talk to FHs brother too.
Was there anything in your conversations w/ your FH that you look back on now as fishy?

marymoon Posted: Apr 12, 2004 08:09 PM

Re: Please help.....I don't know what to do...(long)

I'm not sure I'd be so upset about FH hanging out with a 16 y/o if it's his bro's friend. It's a close age to his brother, so it's not random. I hung out a lot with my BIL, and he's 12 years older than I am. We knew each other through my sister. If he solicited me off the street, that would be weird.

bride2007 Posted: Apr 12, 2004 08:09 PM

Re: Please help.....I don't know what to do...(long)

The aquatance is a friend of FH's brother. I don't want to talk to FH's brother before I talk to FH beacuse I want to hear it from FH 1st.

marymoon Posted: Apr 12, 2004 08:10 PM

Re: Please help.....I don't know what to do...(long)

DEFINITELY talk to FH. It sets the groundwork for the communication you'll need for marriage. and he's the only one who cna give you the real answer besides.

bride2007 Posted: Apr 12, 2004 08:12 PM

Re: Please help.....I don't know what to do...(long)

marymoon--I don't have a problem with FH hanging out with his brother's friends at all-but this girl is SIXTEEN!! she has BRACES!! we are 25. I think he should know better than that. I hope I am not coming across as rude beacuse I don't mean to be.

daisybride Posted: Apr 12, 2004 08:12 PM

Re: Please help.....I don't know what to do...(long)

Is there any way you could call FH where he is just so that you can rest? Does he have a cell phone? I know I would be making it 100x worse by the time I got to speak to him.