Ok, so here's the scoop. One of my bridesmaids got engaged about 2 weeks after I did, and she asked me if I would have a problem with her getting married before me (she needs her fiance's insurance for her and her daughter). Of course I said I had no problem with it.
Here's my problem though. We've already ordered the BM gowns - about 2 months ago - and now she tells me that she and her fiance have decided that they want to try & get pregnant right away. I'm very upset about this, because if this is the case, then that means that she will be 4 months pregnant when my wedding comes around. Yes, I totally understand that that will only be the case if they conceive right away, but they willl... they are both very fertile.
I've already expressed the fact that I'm worried that she won't fit into her dress, but she is telling me that she is going to call the bridal plaza tomorrow & find out if the dress can be adusted.
I feel like I should call the Bridal Plaza & sabotage the whole thing. Please let me know if I'm being totally vile (spelling???). I just feel like she has no concern for it being my day!!!!!!!!!!
Thanks ladies.
WithThisRing
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Re: Please let me know if I'm being selfish
OK so maybe this is going to sound selfish as well on your behalf, but how about asking her if she wants to conceive if she could just wait 2 months this way when your wedding is 4 months later from her wedding she'll only be 2 months pregnant and can still fit into the dress.
IF she is pregnant at the time of your wedding, maybe the bridal shop can let the dress out and with enough room that it doesnt show she is pregnant. I went to a wedding where the bride was 5 months pregnant and with the dress she wore, you had no idea she was pregnant unless you knew her.
I wouldnt worry too much about it. Just relax and enjoy your engagement
chefe
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Re: Please let me know if I'm being selfish
I can understand how you might feel like she is throwing in a wrench, but look at it this way, would you rather she be 8 months pregnant and walking down the aisle? At 4 months, most people will probably not be able to tell she is pregnant if that's a concern for you.
As long as she is willing to pay for any necessary alterations so that her dress fits properly, or is will to pay for a new dress altogether, then you have no reason for concern.
LnP2003
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Re: Please let me know if I'm being selfish
Yeah, but the problem is is that I've already asked her if she could wait a couple of months.... she told me that they really want to start right away.....
RichsBride
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Re: Please let me know if I'm being selfish
IMO you're freaking. If your friend becomes prego that is a blessing for her (& you since she's your friend) not a curse. I don't know what your BM dresses look like but most pregnant girls @ 4 months don't even show. She could easily pig out & gain more weight without being pregnant & stuff happens. It's her bridesmaid dress, she's paying for alterations, it will all work out. How would you feel if someone asked you to hold off on conceiving so you would look better in a dress?
Claud2001
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Re: Please let me know if I'm being selfish
Are you for real?? You asked for honest, and I'm gonna be blunt here....I think you are both being selfish. Sorry, but that's the way I see it.
Honestly, how can you call yourself someone's friend if you begrudge them their happiness and ability to LIVE THEIR OWN LIVES??? Your wedding is YOUR day, but other people should NOT have to plan their lives around it.
Don't worry about your friend's dress...I am sure the bridal center will be happy to order additional material to add to the dress (I have seen this done MANY times for a BM), in the event that your friend is PG for your wedding. But, if they can't and she ends up PG anyway, then maybe she just won't be able to be in the wedding. And maybe she'd be grateful not to, if she knew you felt this way about her CHOICES!
Miro127
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Re: Please let me know if I'm being selfish
excuse my bluntness, but for the life of me i cannot understand why you would be upset by this.
is it the prospect of the dress not fitting correctly? the 'spectacle' of a pregnant bridesmaid? the attention she may receive?
i guess maybe i dont get it, but to be honest, my initial reaction is: yes, you are being selfish.
maybe someone can clear this up for me?
LnP2003
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Re: Please let me know if I'm being selfish
i know, i know... i probably sound like the world's biggest witch..... but i already have one friend who conceived around the wedding.....
and i guess the other thing that bothers me is that i don't find her to try very hard at being the mom that she is now........ that sounded harsh..... u have to know her & what she is about.... she smoked & drank all caffeinated products during her first pregnancy, and while she is planning on quitting for this child, she has no intentions of holding off the caffeine for the second child either......
ugh..................
RichsBride
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Re: Please let me know if I'm being selfish
OMG IMO you should really consider these qualities & your values vs. hers BEFORE you ask her to be in your BP.
LnP2003
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Re: Please let me know if I'm being selfish
i know..... it's terrible. i have such issues with her about certain things. what's even worse is that one evening when we were out drinking, she kind of admitted to me that the only reason why she had her first child was because it was a way that she would receive unconditional love from someone. and the other thing that bothers me is how every other day, she tells me that she is going to call everything off & leave her FH......
Claud2001
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Re: Please let me know if I'm being selfish
LnP...be a friend to this woman, and let her off the hook for your wedding! You are no one's judge or jury, so the choices she makes and the way she chooses to parent are not for your to say!
Stop trying to find reasons why you don't want her in your wedding. Wish her well and leave it at that.
LnP2003
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Re: Please let me know if I'm being selfish
no no no .... i'm not trying to find ways for her to not be in my wedding..... not at all. i never said anything like that. my whole thing is, what if i had said that i wanted to be married first since i got engaged first. but i didn't, because i didn't want her to be denied her happiness either. i just feel like if it were me, i would wait. and not for any other reason but that i wouldn't want to concern the bride or groom in any way....
SomedayBride
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Re: Please let me know if I'm being selfish
What does your bridesmaid dress look like? Unless it's ultra clingy, or form fitting, it shouldn't be a problem at four months. Are you worried about how she'll look in the dress, or that she could 'steal your thunder'?
LnP2003
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Re: Please let me know if I'm being selfish
it's not thunder stealing at all.... it has nothing to do with that... it's just that the dress was ordered such a while ago, and she is a small girl..... and i just fear that they won't be able to do anything for the dress... i'm posting a pic of the dress for you all to see. p.s. my BM in question is around a size 6.
hmm...I don't think it should be too much of a problem, especially if she is willing to pay for any alterations she may need.
LnP2003
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Re: Please let me know if I'm being selfish
i don't know...... i think the other thing that bothers me is that i know how she is when she is preggo (size-wise), and also the fact that i see one of my other BM's who is also 4 months preggo right now, and she can't fit into any of her clothes right now......
SomedayBride
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Re: Please let me know if I'm being selfish
Well, if it bothers you that much, ask her to step down from your bridal party, but be prepared to lose a friend. Maybe I'm not getting it, but if she's willing to pay for the alterations, what's the problem? Are you afraid that she won't look good in the dress? If she's a good enough friend of yours that you'd want her in the bridal party in the first place, you should really get over it and be happy for her.
EvenEdan
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Re: Please let me know if I'm being selfish
You are totally being selfish. If your friend is hoping to get pregnant right after her wedding that is her and her husband's right, regardless of when your wedding is. I also think being four months pregnant is not even an issue, if they have to let the dress out a bit, so be it. While being a BM in somebody's wedding is an honor, it is not something you should have to alter your life for! I really can't even believe you would expect her to put her plans on hold to suit you. I am impressed that this girl is even consulting you on it. It also seems to me that you keep changing the reasons why you are ****ed about it. If she wants to have a baby, just wish her the best and move on. Don't judge what kind of parent she will be or what her reasons are, that is not what friends should do. If it really is something you can't live with than tell her you would rather her not be a bridesmaid, but to expect her not to try to conceive because she put money down on a dress is simply ridiculous.
SomedayBride
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Re: Please let me know if I'm being selfish
I agree, there seem to be deeper issues here than a dress. I won't speculate as to what they are though. Edited to say: What if she was sick, and had to take medication that would make her gain weight, or lose her hair? Would it be an issue then?
LnP2003
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Re: Please let me know if I'm being selfish
no, that wouldn't be an issue, and it never has been the issue.... the issue is the dress!
i'm worried about it & only it. i'm afraid that it's not going to fit & that is the problem. the other things that i have mentioned are just other factors/issues.
i said it before & i'll say it again - my concern is her fitting into her dress!!!!
