Ok, so here's the scoop. One of my bridesmaids got engaged about 2 weeks after I did, and she asked me if I would have a problem with her getting married before me (she needs her fiance's insurance for her and her daughter). Of course I said I had no problem with it.
Here's my problem though. We've already ordered the BM gowns - about 2 months ago - and now she tells me that she and her fiance have decided that they want to try & get pregnant right away. I'm very upset about this, because if this is the case, then that means that she will be 4 months pregnant when my wedding comes around. Yes, I totally understand that that will only be the case if they conceive right away, but they willl... they are both very fertile.
I've already expressed the fact that I'm worried that she won't fit into her dress, but she is telling me that she is going to call the bridal plaza tomorrow & find out if the dress can be adusted.
I feel like I should call the Bridal Plaza & sabotage the whole thing. Please let me know if I'm being totally vile (spelling???). I just feel like she has no concern for it being my day!!!!!!!!!!
Thanks ladies.
babeyblu16
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Re: Please let me know if I'm being selfish
LPN2003 I am going through a similar situation and could totally relate to how you feel! My best advice is to either talk to her and see if she could wait a month or two so she is 2 months pregnant. If she cant than you cant stress about this. I have spent a lot of time stressing and it isnt worth it. I know many of my friends that are planning their pregnancies around weddings that they are in so it makes me even crazier. But anyway its your day and whatever is meant to happen will! If she doesnt fit in the dress than it is her loss. She just wont be able to walk down the aisle with everyone. I know it may sound silly to some people because they are right it is only one day but its your day and I dont think waiting a month or two is asking too much. If you were asking her to wait 8 months its a different story!!!
jennbaby
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Re: Please let me know if I'm being selfish
I think that is fine. I got upset when my FSIL told me she had to drop out of my wedding completely because her due date was 1 week before my wedding , talk about timing...anyway, I didn't care if she was 8 months pregnant at my wedding, I though it would have looked cute. A pregnant woman is a beautiful thing
karen32
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Re: Please let me know if I'm being selfish
My MOH was pregnant and was due to deliver 4 months before the wedding. She just had a miscarriage yesterday. Now the doctors want her to wait 3 months before they try to conceive again. If all goes well, she'll be 8 months prego for my wedding. But you know what - she's still my best friend, I don't care how prego she is. I picked her for my MOH b/c that's how much I love her. I think there are worse things in life than a prego BM.
JMO!!!
Becky
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Re: Please let me know if I'm being selfish
I think you are being selfish. But I can relate to the prego BM situation and the difficulty that comes with adjusting your idea of your wedding day. One of my BM and closest friends found out that she was pregnant a few months ago. She told me right away and apologized. I thought that something like that would have bothered me, but I instead I was, and am, so excited about her baby Unfortunately, she is due two weeks before my wedding and chose to bow out, rather than have to go through the motions of buying a huge dress in anticipation of her weight gain and then having to deal with that and the possibility that she wont be able to make it anyway. We live in MD and I amd (obviously) getting married on LI.
There are times that I am sad and disappointed. Her husband was supposed to be our Best Man , which really throws a wrench in the works! It has taken me some time to adjust the concept of my day and the pictures, but that is just one day and when I get back from my honeymoon, two of my favorite people wil be parents and I get to play with a little baby whenever I want because we live in the same development!
Give yourself some time to adjust. She will be pudgy on your wedding day, but she will be there and the dress can be altered. Possibly, you can change your order and get a bigger size for her. Plus, all of this is premature worrying. She may not get pregnant right away. Your belief that they will because they are very fertile sounds a little paranoid What are they bunnies????
Sassy
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Re: Please let me know if I'm being selfish
Hi, just wanted to say, my Matron of Honor is TTC also, and my wedding is 5 1/2 months away, but you know what? She is my BEST friend in the whole entire world, and I dont care if she has to wobble down the isle, it will be such an honor for me to have her as my Matron. I love her and wish her all the happiness that a child would bring. If it turns out she doesnt fit in the dress she's ordering (a size 8) then so be it, if they cannot alter it, she'll have a choice to bow out or simply buy another dress that wont clash. That simple, of course I care what everyone looks like in their dress, but our friendship and having her a part of my wedding is much more important.
What makes me think you're selfish is NOT your concern for how it will look. As a Bride, we look at everything and worry about it all. My issue is you're saying things like 'maybe I should call the store and sabotage' and your comments on her behavior as a mother. So, as someone in your situation, I didnt even think it was an issue enough to even consider asking her to hold off, so yes I think you're being selfish. I think you should look deeper into the type of friendship you have, b/c it doesnt seem like you're happy for her at all.
WishCandy
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Re: Please let me know if I'm being selfish
LPN - I wouldn't stress it so much because it's not 100% certain that she will even conceive right away. So, IMO - just take it one day at a time. You never know it just might work out in your favor.
dkga1026
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Re: Please let me know if I'm being selfish
LnP...i have to be honest....i think a lot of the other girls have already said what i am thinking....i may be wrong, but it seems to me that there are many issues with your friend, none of which have anything to do with the dress or her being pregnant...if you really think and feel all those things about her that you mentioned before, then she shouldn't be your friends, much less a BM in your wedding....IMO you are being selfish...your wedding day will come and go and although it is the most special day of your life, it is not reason for everyone else to change their life decisions...since she has offered to pay for all the alterations, i do not think you should be upset....the dress will fit fine.....do all your bm have to be a size 6?
Misty
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Re: Please let me know if I'm being selfish
Do not worry about the dress. One of my BM was 4 months pregnant when we ordered the dresses, and she's giving birth 6 weeks before my wedding. Not only did the sample fit her with plenty of room (she's normally a size 6-8), but they only ordered 2 sizes up for after she gives birth.
She'll just barely be showing on your wedding day, and at most, she'll have a pot belly that will fill out the front, and that can be altered if even necessary. If you are really worried, have her order a yard of extra material just in case. Edited to add: this is even if she gets pregnant!
Let her get pregnant, don't concern yourself with it, and move on with the rest of your plans!
endlessluv429
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Re: Please let me know if I'm being selfish
I agree with some of the others---didn't we all just learn last year how precious and short life can be?! I am grateful for all my loved ones still being around to see me get married! who cares what she looks like as long as she there...i understand the initial dissapointment, but who cares if the dress doesn't fit-she said she would take care of it--worst case scenario-she gets another dress that is similar.....would that be the end of the world?
Stacey1403
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Re: Please let me know if I'm being selfish
Why stress about something beyond your control! One of my bridesmaids is 7 months pregnant! Call your bridal shop and see if you can order her a maternity gown. My BM has one from Alfred Angelo. A pregnancy is a wonderful gift, support your friend!
LnP2003
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Re: Please let me know if I'm being selfish
hi everyone.... sorry i've been lacking in the response department, but i've been busy the past couple of days.
so, i spoke with the bridal plaza, and they told me that there are no maternity gowns available in that style, but that what could be done is the alterations, which could cost her anywhere from the norm alteration fee to a few hundred dollars.... i think i'm just going to sit back and have a glass of wine....
i feel like i'm thinking toooooooo much!!!!!!!!
NovemberSue
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Re: Please let me know if I'm being selfish
I think you are worrying yourself sick. She may try 4 months before your wedding but it may take her a few months. Lets say she does get pregnant, she probably won't show much. Don't worry about alterations,they can work with her. This happens in many bridal parties. Try not to get yourself upset.Be happy for your friend.
karen32
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Re: Please let me know if I'm being selfish
Trust me - Bridal Plaza has probably dealt with hundreds, if not thousands of prego BM's. They're the experts, let them handle it. You're worrying too much about something that is way out of your control!!!!!
