One of our friends called called last night and asked if we had ever heard of the bestman paying for the church? He's the bestman in a wedding next year and the 'donation' is $600.00, the groom called him yesterday and told him that it's etiquette for the bestman to pay for the church and if he couldn't pay for it on his own (he's trying to save to buy a home) to ask the groomsmen to chip in.
I've never heard of such a thing???
SomethingBlu
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Posted by MonkeyLuv
My FMIL told my FBIL (who is our Best Man and only 16) that he's responsible for paying for the church. She claims it's a Greek tradition for the best man to pay his membership fee and the couple's memebership fee. (Which, incidentally, is not cheap at the church we're using)
The poor kid had been stressing about saving his money until I found out and told him that we would be handling it.
Yes, other than with the Spanish 'Padrinos' the only other time I had heard of it was with the Greek 'Koumbaros' (sp?).
ChrissynRicky
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I actually HAVE heard of this...it was from theknot.com's book on planning on a budget.
I don't agree with it, but it is done.
Same way in a Baptism, the Godparents usually pay for the church.
Kim51103
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The best man is supposed to give the tips out for the church...not PAY for it!!!
Lol thats strange
Jennie0898
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I have never heard of such a thing!!! I definitely think the groom is trying to pull a fast one here!!!
Just spoke to FI and he said he's never heard of that before and he's been a bestman 3 times!!!
But he did say he paid the for the donation when he was a godfather.
andri
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Actually in my culture its the norm but we're not doing that. Its also customery for the bestman to buy the wedding rings,that was from back in the day when they were simple gold bands. To be the bestman was the highest honor,today you just basically have to show-up,stand there and give a 2 minute speech...I think its lost some of its charm
Soon2BeMrsS
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That's so bizare! and incredably rude!!!!!
EmberLynn
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The best man is suppose to tip the Offiancent. NOT pay for the church!
candb
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I never heard of that. I know that the BM is the one who usually holds onto the tip money and hands it out.
leese
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My FH's godmother just asked to do this... but it wasn't expected.
That's weird.
Tina120206
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THat is crazy. I the groom is confused. Sure the best man can take care of paying the vendors and church and stuff, but that money does not come from the best man at all. That money comes from parents and/or couple.
suven
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yes, the etiquette is for the Bestman to pay for the ceremony.
We never even mentioned it (and we had TWO bestmen) we just didn't feel right about it. so, we paid for it on our own.
CaseyVM214
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Posted by Soon2bMsZ
I've never heard of that but I have heard of the best man taking care of the tipping at the church ( the priest / deacon and alter boys)
Ive heard of this too....however I just want to say that traditionally the BM and MOH paid for the shower and I dont think that is that sommon anymore...Weddings are just too expensive now a days...I dont think that was appropriate for him to ask of his BM.
SomethingBlu
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Can someone please show me which ettiquette book says this? That's insane in today's world!
suven
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Posted by SomethingBlu
Can someone please show me which ettiquette book says this? That's insane in today's world!
coming right up
BHW
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Posted by suven
yes, the etiquette is for the Bestman to pay for the ceremony.
We never even mentioned it (and we had TWO bestmen) we just didn't feel right about it. so, we paid for it on our own.
I would like to know which etiquette book says this b/c everything I read says that the groom gives the best man the money for the ceremony/tip and the best man is responsible for handing that money over to the church/priest.
suven
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I can't find the actual books that I used during my planning (going on back to 2002, people! they could be ANYWHERE now )
this site does not actually say whether the best man uses his own money, but it does say 'pay'...
IMO, I think the bride/groom should pay for their marriage, but yes, I have seen more than 1 book that have said that the best man pays for the ceremony...
this site does not actually say whether the best man uses his own money, but it does say 'pay'...
IMO, I think the bride/groom should pay for their marriage, but yes, I have seen more than 1 book that have said that the best man pays for the ceremony...
Even doing a quick google search on etiquette brings up a ton of websites that say the best man just hands over the money, but it doesn't come from his own pocket. I don't mean to be picky about this, but it would really bother me if someone asked or expected me to pay for their ceremony. The USABrides link above also has a section on etiquette for who pays what-the best man is NOT responsible for paying for the officiant and/or the ceremony. Traditionally, the groom's family is responsible for the officiant's fee and the bride's family is responsible for the ceremony fee.
suven
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Posted by BHW
Even doing a quick google search on etiquette brings up a ton of websites that say the best man just hands over the money, but it doesn't come from his own pocket. I don't mean to be picky about this, but it would really bother me if someone asked or expected me to pay for their ceremony. The USABrides link above also has a section on etiquette for who pays what-the best man is NOT responsible for paying for the officiant and/or the ceremony. Traditionally, the groom's family is responsible for the officiant's fee and the bride's family is responsible for the ceremony fee.
I have mentioned (more than once) that I never felt comfortable asking anyone else to pay for my marriage and that in my opinion, the bride&groom should pay for their own ceremony.
Based on the written information, I can see how it would be easy for anyone to interpret 'the best man pays...' as 'the best man uses his own money...' For that reason, I am not going to tell you that you are 100% correct.
dpli
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I think in the etiquette books and links that the Best mas 'paying' for the church means that he is simply handing over the payment, which was given to him by someone else. It's so the groom doesn't have to worry about it. Our Best man was 18, I wouldn't have dreamed of asking him to pay for anything like the church.
