Possible change of venue for ceremony -- HELP!!

Hello all!

It's a month and a day before the wedding. I stopped by the church yesterday to see what else needed to be done and when we should pick readings and everything only to find out that we will most likely NOT be able to be married there. FH was married before (for 11 months) and was divorced in 1995. She asked him years ago to fill out annullment papers and if she could have the original copy of the divorce papers because she was getting married again and wanted to be married in a church. Long story short, the Diocese of Rockville Centre has no record of this and the priest doesn't think an annullment can be done in this short a period of time.
My heart is completely squished because that's the church I grew up in. They gave us food and clothes when we had none and it was where I went when things were rough at home as a kid...as my FH puts it, it's another HOME for me. He feels TERRIBLE.
Looks like we need to rework the wedding ceremony and have it at the reception hall... How do I handle this in terms of guests? I'm guessing we send out some sort of announcement. I'm a teacher, though, and several of my former students and some of their parents are planning to attend the ceremony... To make matters worse, I had surgery on my throat a while back and am not allowed to speak for at least another week.

Any advice? Has anyone been through this before? Please help! My mom is going to FLIP!!

What a rough situation.
I would start off by really appealing to the church. Tell them what is in your heart about your church.. if you can not verbalize it right now right a letter.

Start checking with the reception hall to see if they can accomodate your wedding reception and what the fee is and do they have a person to perform the ceremony or do you need to find one.

Lastly if you need to change venues,, then start calling the guest and pass the word out and explain that due to a SCHEDULING CONFLICT at the church you can not get married there. I would not drudge up FH divorce etc...

I'm so sorry you have to deal with this.

I know it's policy and all of that, and i'm sure to get flamed for this, but some of the restrictions churches make just make me go




Hopefully you can work things out so that you can still get married in your church, but call the RH asap and see if its still an option to do your ceremony there

second what kim said above, all good recommendations--only other thing i would do would be if you do need to change location, get your families/FH on making some of those phone calls--especially since you can't talk this week!

ETA:

I'm with you on everything except the calling people... I'm not allowed to speak at all right now. When I am allowed to speak, still no phone (you use/abuse your voice differently when speaking on the phone) for probably the rest of the summer...

Guess I may need to e-mail the students who are planning on coming to the ceremony...

Kinda stinks --a lot. Can't really vent to FH because he feels AWFUL already. I'm trying to not freak out until we know for sure. Can't tell anyone else because it's not certain yet and I'm afraid they'll hate him -- especially my mom and two big brothers.

I always thought I'd be getting married in a church. We did Pre-Cana and everything...

UPDATE:

FH went to Diocese of RVC and the church in which we were supposed to be married. No dice. Annulments take between 18 months and 3 years... so that whole lifelong dream of being married in the church I grew up in, the place that gave us food and clothes when we didn't have money for those things and the place I used to go to hide from my dad and/or pray for things to get better -- well the dream is toast...
The priest who was going to marry us feels awful and my FH is super-upset. We already ordered new 'invites' --same as the first, but with the new information. Our reception hall has been INCREDIBLE -- they let us extend our time there so we can have the ceremony and still have the full cocktail hour and reception. They also gave some numbers of people who can marry us and advice about contacting the DJ for music during the ceremony. I keep saying 'they', but it's Kristy from the Milleridge. Sooooo helpful and positive. I have always wanted to have my reception there -- it was my Nana's dream before she passed away. And I am so glad that I am making at least that part of her dream come true.
The plan is for FH to start the annulment process and to renew our vows in church once that is complete.

Thanks to those who posted replies. Your support and advice has been helpful.

Best wishes to all!

I'm so sorry! It's true, annulments take a long time and are not guaranteed, because they aren't that easy to get! Even if the courts annul you, sometimes the church won't, so it's a hassle.

But, you can still attend that church if you choose. It holds great meaning for you, and what they've done is not really to hurt you or because of an arbitrary rule, it is a long-standing rule, which unfortunately is one that cannot be broken, but all the good that was done for you by that church is not erased because it's not THOSE people or THAT church that made the rule . . . . just remember that, because I'd hate for your connection with the church to be broken based on this, that would be sad.

And, you will have a wonderful wedding, in fact more convenient for you and everyone else, and will be just as married afterward!

In the meantime, why not go through the annulment process, and have the church wedding when it's done, as a vow renewal??

haha, just realized you updated, missed that somehow before, YAY, renewal!!

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Posted by Michelle74

UPDATE:

FH went to Diocese of RVC and the church in which we were supposed to be married. No dice. Annulments take between 18 months and 3 years... so that whole lifelong dream of being married in the church I grew up in, the place that gave us food and clothes when we didn't have money for those things and the place I used to go to hide from my dad and/or pray for things to get better -- well the dream is toast...
The priest who was going to marry us feels awful and my FH is super-upset. We already ordered new 'invites' --same as the first, but with the new information. Our reception hall has been INCREDIBLE -- they let us extend our time there so we can have the ceremony and still have the full cocktail hour and reception. They also gave some numbers of people who can marry us and advice about contacting the DJ for music during the ceremony. I keep saying 'they', but it's Kristy from the Milleridge. Sooooo helpful and positive. I have always wanted to have my reception there -- it was my Nana's dream before she passed away. And I am so glad that I am making at least that part of her dream come true.
The plan is for FH to start the annulment process and to renew our vows in church once that is complete.

Thanks to those who posted replies. Your support and advice has been helpful.

Best wishes to all!

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Did he marry in the Catholic church? Can he try to fill out a form for a 'defective marriage'?
That's what I'm doing. My 1st wedding was at Town Hall (in 1992 eek) but since I was technically Catholic as a child (now Assembly of God) they will allow me to do this. It basically states that I was not married in a Catholic church and that my marriage was defective for other reasons. I had to write an essay and have witnesses sign as proof that they saw me marry in Town hall.

EAT: I only went thru this because FH is Catholic and we are marrying in a catholic church)

Yup -- he was married in a Catholic church...
I'm happy for you and your FH, too, though. At this point I just feel so bad for my FH -- I'm definitely feeling squished, but he feels like he totally let me down and it's probably the most upset I've seen him ever...
The announcements we ordered are the same as our invitations. They don't address WHY, but just state at the top 'Ceremony Location Has Changed', then goes on the same as our old invitations, but with the new and correct information. I told him he can make it better by putting the invitations together for me :)

Thanks soooooooo much for caring enough to post replies. You guys are awesome!

I am so sorry to hear this.... what a bummer! Like yourself, i would have died if I could not be married in the Church. I am glad that everyone is being so understanding and helpful.

And don't worry you can still have your Church wedding--- not now, obviously, but once his annulment is done. I would encourage your husband to go through with the annulment. Even though it won't be the day you wanted it to be, you can have your Nuptial Mass or ceremony in the Catholic Church... it is called a convalidation (which is the Mass or ceremony that is done in the Church after a civil marriage has taken place) and you can have the Sacrament you both deserve.

GOOD LUCK!

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Posted by FutureMrsCarrieri

Did he marry in the Catholic church? Can he try to fill out a form for a 'defective marriage'?
That's what I'm doing. My 1st wedding was at Town Hall (in 1992 eek) but since I was technically Catholic as a child (now Assembly of God) they will allow me to do this. It basically states that I was not married in a Catholic church and that my marriage was defective for other reasons. I had to write an essay and have witnesses sign as proof that they saw me marry in Town hall.

EAT: I only went thru this because FH is Catholic and we are marrying in a catholic church)

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Unfortunately, she cannot do this, because her FH married in the Catholic Church. His marriage is still considred valid in the eyes of the Church, although it was absolved civilly through divorce. Yours is different because you were not married in the Catholic Church. The Catholic Church considers marriage a sacramental bond that is only absolved through an annulment or death. therefore, the annulment process is quite lengthy and detailed and it would not cleared before her wedding date.

just wanted to say i am so glad that you were able to find a way to work everything out with a RH ceremony. im really sorry you weren't able to marry in your church like you had always dreamed that is a great idea that you will be renewing there though, thats the next best thing

blessings!!