Priest issues...(long vent)

I am so upset I don't know what to do. My uncle was a priest but passed away when I was 21. Naturally, I had always thought he would be the one to marry me, but when he died my family and I all agreed that when the time came, his best friend, also a priest (naturally) would do the honors. The problem is FH does NOT want to get married in a church - he wants to get married outdoors. Last night we went to see my priest and he said that the Bishops of New York will not allow a priest to perform an outdoor wedding, especially when both the bride and the groom are Catholic. FH knows that I've always said since we started dating that I come with my own priest but feels like he is being 'forced' to do something he doesn't want to do. My family will also be VERY upset if this man is not at the alter performing my wedding but FH won't budge!!! I'm hoping he'll come around but we have had HUGE arguments about this and I don't want to start another one. I just don't know how to deal. I don't want FH to be unhappy about his wedding day (he didn't want a traditional wedding at all - he wanted to elope but compromised for me) but I don't want to have to explain to my family why our lifetime family friend cannot perform my wedding ceremony.

Sorry so long but I just don't know what to do!

Re: Priest issues...(long vent)

eroxgirl, it sounds to me like you want this priest for all the right reasons, and that your husband should understand that eventually. Ask him why it is so important to him to be married outdoors. I just don't get why he is being so difficult on this -- what am I missing?

Re: Priest issues...(long vent)

Can't you be married in the church and then have an outside cermony of renwal of the vows?

Do you go to Sea?

Re: Priest issues...(long vent)

Valenia: your response has been the same as the priest, my mother, my BP - no one really understands what his problem w/ the church is but I think its because he's the type of person who can't stand to be pushed around - he's as stubborn as they come - and after 12 years of catholic school, he feels like he's been given orders w/o explanation for too long - and he still feels this way, especially because they won't perform an outdoor ceremony - his response is why not? whats the big deal to be outside? I have cried so much about this! And its not even so much that I need to get married in a church, I just want this particular priest to perform the ceremony. I just keep praying that he comes around but it doesn't look good.

Re: Priest issues...(long vent)

I'm with Valenia on this one. This is something that is very important for you and your family. Instead of having a whole mass why don't you just have a ceremony. Would that make things better with FH? I really don't think there is another way around this. Religion is very important to some people and others should respect that.

I'm sorry you have to deal with this. I hope everything works out.

Re: Priest issues...(long vent)

Why is he so bent on being outside? to you!

Re: Priest issues...(long vent)

If your FH spoke to the priest and learns why the church doesn't recognize a marriage outside of the church, maybe then he'll understand why it's so important to you and your family to be married in a church. How does his family feel about not marrying in a church considering your FH had to go to Catholic school during his childhood? You have to pick your battles and I strongly feel you shouldn't back down from this one. Good luck!

Re: Priest issues...(long vent)

eroxgirl, I think you need to say it to your husband as straight as possible, and try not to be emotional about it. State the facts: 'Its is extremely important to me and my family that this priest perform our wedding. That means getting married in a church. The reasons why being married inside is required are out of our hands, and therefore pointless to discuss. So, it comes down to this: Is your desire to be married outside of greater significance then my desire to be married by this priest?' If you are able to stay calm, and carry out this conversation rationally, you ought to be able to come to a good conclusion.... **HUGS**

Re: Priest issues...(long vent)

His thing w/ outside is about the open air and the flowers and nature - I don't know - he comes across like a tree-hugging hippie sometimes when he starts on his whole outdoor thing... he's just a very out-doorsy (?) person. And stubborn - in case that didn't come across loud and clear already! It figures - one of the reasons I love him so much is that he won't let me push him around (because I tend to be a bully if ya let me) and here it goes blowing up in my face!

No I don't go to Sea. what/where is it?

Re: Priest issues...(long vent)

St Joseph's by the Sea in SI.. I know they have some 'priests' there that SOMETIMES marry people outside!!!

Re: Priest issues...(long vent)

Maybe a compromise would be to get married in church and have an outdoor reception, like under a tent.

Re: Priest issues...(long vent)

I had a similar problem - my priest is a family friend that I really wanted to use but we wanted to get marride outside on the beach. My priest was able to get a dispensation from the Catholic Doicses (sp?) and was given permission to perform the ceremony outside the catholic church. Anything is possible... Good luck!

Re: Priest issues...(long vent)

JL....

Where are you doing Pre Cana?

Re: Priest issues...(long vent)

You need to put your foot down on this one.

The reasons that you want to/have to get married in a church are way more important then why he 'HAS TO' be outdoors. Has he given you his REASONS for HAVING to have an outdoor ceremony? (and yes he is coming across like a tree hugging hippie :lol: ) I can't imagine any of his reasons bein more important than a promise that was made within your family (ESPECIALLY when it involves the best friend of an uncle that has passed away!!)

Hang in there. He'll bend eventually.
Talk to your in-laws. Maybe they can knock some sense into him.

Re: Priest issues...(long vent)

What about having someone else actually perform the ceremony, but have the priest there helping out. That we he is not officially marrying you in the eyes fo the church but he is still very much a part of your day? I dont know, I was just trying to think of anything that might help.

Re: Priest issues...(long vent)

i was like your fh, i wanted an outdoors, nature ceremony. but fh wanted church. i gave in and now im kinda happy with the decision, but actually a big part of me giving in was when he said, if we have bad weather you will be miserable. tell him that you dont want to be standing in the rain in a beautiful dress etc.

i know its a tough one.