He works 2 jobs. His first job's at Duke and his second job is at Best Buy at night. He does computer support at both places. Anyway, the last month or so he's been going out after work just about every night that he's working at Best Buy. So basically I hardly see him. The bar he's going to is literally right across from Best Buy. He goes out with the guys from there and mainly with his Supervisor who I can't stand so it makes it worse! He's been working there over a year and he never went out until about a month or so ago. It started out as 1 night every other week, then every week and now it's ALL the time. I don't mind him going out, but now it's a little ridiculous, you know? It's really making me feel unwanted and lonely. I keep asking him why he goes out all the time and he just doesn't see why it's a problem because he already gets out of work late, so why is it a big deal that he goes and has a couple of drinks. He says he needs to unwind. I know he's stressed and tired, but by him not coming home and spending time with me before I go to bed, it's making me feel horrible. I was getting mad at him about it, but now I'm just depressed about it. Any other time we're together everything else is fine. I've already confronted him about seeing someone else, and he got really upset that I don't trust him. He said he'd never do that to me or Caiden and he can't believe after 11.5 years I'd even ask him that. I really believe he's just going out and having some beers, but the more and more he does it, the more I feel like he's cheating on me even thought in my heart I know he's not. I just feel like I'm not worth coming home to after work. At least he's not spending money there. His Supervisor pays for everything. The guy has no life. It's really hard because everyone he hangs out with at Best Buy is single and younger so they don't have a clue to what life is like when you're married and have a baby. Very bad influences. I just don't know what to do! I love my DH with all my heart, but I can't keep feeling like this. He tells me that I don't talk to him that I yell and ***** at him. I don't know how to get through to him that I'm not bitching but that I'm trying to tell him how it's making me feel and I just can't deal with it anymore. He's really a great guy, it's just that recently he's acting like he's 18 again! HELP!
Janice
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Re: Problem with DH... I need some advice! (LONG)
Melissa I don't know if you are TTC or not, but I would hold off on that, maybe that is what is in you DH's head.
Summerbride04
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Re: Problem with DH... I need some advice! (LONG)
Instead of confronting him when he gets off work try talking to him on his day off when you guys are both relaxed. It will be less likely for the conversation to escalate to a big fight. If not try leaving him a note explaining your feelings.
jantany26
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Re: Problem with DH... I need some advice! (LONG)
I don't know how old your husband is, but could it be that he is going through a phase? I think that all of us at one point or another go through it whether its manifested in one way or another. Talk to him though, have a heart to heart conversation and see were both of you are coming from, it will be better.
Melissa
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Re: Problem with DH... I need some advice! (LONG)
I wish we could afford to live on just his FT salary. We can't because of the daycare expense. I tried to see if it would work with me staying home, but it wouldn't. I could get a night job, but that wouldn't solve our problem, you know! I also wouldn't make even close to what we needed anyway. I really hate that money is the root of all evils!
DjPiLL
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Re: Problem with DH... I need some advice! (LONG)
Posted by Summerbride04
Instead of confronting him when he gets off work try talking to him on his day off when you guys are both relaxed. It will be less likely for the conversation to escalate to a big fight. If not try leaving him a note explaining your feelings.
Guys are not stupid. They will see this coming from miles away no matter how much you try to sugarcoat it.
This is a difficult situation because frankly... there is NOTHING BETTER than free chow and drinks thats on the company's dime. I jump at this whenever I get a chance.
Trust me when I say to be proactive. Don't bring the problem to him... bring the solution!
The more you complain... the more he will want to go out.
corinne7477
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Re: Problem with DH... I need some advice! (LONG)
make plans to go out when your suppose to spend time with him and see if he likes it or make plans on the night he goes out too and gush about what a great time you had that should wake him up quick.
don424
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Re: Problem with DH... I need some advice! (LONG)
i gotta agree with DJPill here
don't come to us with problems, unless you have a proposed solution
bottom line
Melissa
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Re: Problem with DH... I need some advice! (LONG)
No... we're not TTC. We're waiting until our money situation is better. We couldn't do it now.
It could be a phase. He does go through things every now and then.
We do have a great relationship, it's just we hit these bumps in the road every once in a while, and it SU@KS! We have been together since we were 15. We've been through almost everything, so I know we can get through this.
Things have been worse for us lately more than ever. You know, when something good happens, something bad happens. Well, the last 6 months or so just bad things have been happening. Something is always going wrong. We keep getting scr@wed by everyone. Financially, we were really hurt by someone. If that one situation had gone through like it was suppose to, there would be A LOT less stress right now. My DH wouldn't have to work his 2nd job as much anymore. But, it didn't work out.
Anyway... Thank you for all your help. I'm going to try to talk to my DH tonight. He's finally off from his 2nd job. I keep you posted on what he says.
allure
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Re: Problem with DH... I need some advice! (LONG)
Melissa
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Re: Problem with DH... I need some advice! (LONG)
I agree... I should have a solution, but I don't. How can I have one if I don't know what's wrong and he's never home to find out what is wrong?
We've both agreed we need to spend more time with one another. But we don't have the money to go out right now, and we have the baby so we can't really go out because we can't afford a babysitter, and on the nights my DH is working, he wouldn't get home till around 10-10:30pm anyway, and that's too late to go out. If it's not one thing it's another.
I know we could stay home and spend time together which we do when we get the chance, but it's not the same. We could be home watching a movie or something and then the baby starts crying or I forgot to do laundry, or I need to make bottles, or clean, let the dogs out, etc., etc, etc!!! It would be a lot more enjoyable if we could go out, but right now that's not happening.
We are basically trapped in the house right now, so I do understand his need to go out. I need to go out too which I have yet to do since I've had the baby, but I would much rather go out with him than by myself.
Sassyz75
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Re: Problem with DH... I need some advice! (LONG)
Posted by DjPiLL
Posted by Summerbride04
Instead of confronting him when he gets off work try talking to him on his day off when you guys are both relaxed. It will be less likely for the conversation to escalate to a big fight. If not try leaving him a note explaining your feelings.
Guys are not stupid. They will see this coming from miles away no matter how much you try to sugarcoat it.
This is a difficult situation because frankly... there is NOTHING BETTER than free chow and drinks thats on the company's dime. I jump at this whenever I get a chance.
Trust me when I say to be proactive. Don't bring the problem to him... bring the solution!
The more you complain... the more he will want to go out.
This is something I see as an overall problem with men.. they don't want to know about the problem- they only want to see the solution- as if it's Melissa and only Melissa that needs to come up with the solution.
They are married- and there is a problem with the way their relationship & marriage is functioning right now- and it is BOTH of their responsibilities to fix it- not just one.
It sort of frightens me that you say there is 'nothing better than free chow and drinks'... the way I would feel is that food and drinks are better than me... if my DH told me that I would go bananas on him.
Melissa, you have every right to feel the way you do and I don't think finding a solution should only be on YOUR shoulders- both of you need to work this out and solve the problem in a way that is mutually beneficial...
As I said, maybe a counselor could help you figure it out- because to me- the going out every night is a symptom of something larger.
Janice
Posted:
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Re: Problem with DH... I need some advice! (LONG)
again I agree with Sassy, she is working long days, and her 1 yr old keeps her very busy, as does housework as well. she sounds like she is the one who can use a break and she needs him to come home and offer support. I would totally tell him that he needs to come home because you made dinner and his baby is asking for him. So some guy is buying him beer, her husband needs to be put in check. if anything else tell him it is his turn to babysit, that tonight is your day off too.
