Problems With Mom...

Did anyone else get engaged and see their relationship with their mother go completely downhill? My mom and I always got along. She thought my fiance was great when we were dating. Then we got engaged Xmas last year and she has been fighting with me for nearly a year. I feel like she's not the same person.

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it may possibly be she's afraid of losing her little girl

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I sent you a forum mail.

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Well, i am sure it's rooted inthat. I've bored you all with this on another thread. It started out an interfaith issue. now she's just gotten mean. she's mad that I am notpart of her life 24/7, yet when I tell herit makes me sad that she's not involved in my future, particularly this wedding, she is like, 'i know.' So I am left to make a concession to her when she won't participate in my life. I never asked her to fake happiness :-) But still, this is much. Everything I do is wrong and then when we try to talk about it, I am suddenly exaggerating everything and clueless. This from a woman who was my biggest supporter my whole life and always was there to talk. My first year engaged and it's been the worst.

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I'm sorry to hear this. My FH's mom was like that about losing her son, at the beginning (for about a week) I know it doesn't compare but I know how much it hurt me. I truly hope everything works out for you!

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I have to agree with Jennbaby. She may just have some fears of losing you. You are not as accessible as you used to be.

Sit down and have a heart to heart with her. It may get heated or cause some tears but maybe if you lay it all out on the table you can both understand what the other is feeling.

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This is why i end up boring you guys. there is no obvious solution. I have sat with her numerous times during the past year. one time we dished it out for THREE hours with my dad mediating. He was great. And she ran out all upset. Then apologized. then a week later was back in full mean *ss swing. My fiance even sat with her and my dad to talk things again. Again, my dad thought this was great. And to an extent so did she. But only b/c he apologized toher for something no one thought he had to...but he wanted to. But I am basically at this point: It's been nearly a year I've been engaged. we put off planning to deal with issue between me and her. I've tried and tried. whenever I see her it's a fight. Or i hear about how my fiance does this or that. And I have sat down with her face to face numerous times to be honest and clear and talk. And she just keeps going and going...like this post LOL :-) So I guess I am just venting. All of your suggestions are great, but what do you do when all of the logical steps--talking, being clear--have been taken over and over??

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I am sorry this is happening to you. There has got to be a reason in your Mom's heart that she is reacting this way. I agree with JENHOS...you should try to really talk it out with her. After all, marriage does not mean that your relationship with your Mom has to suffer.
Good luck to you.

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Re: Problems With Mom...

what about having your dad talk to her on his own?

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Well, that worked at times. but he's got to live with her :-) And getting caught int he middle ****s. I've been there. My next step is therapy. I love my therapistbut she won't go with me. And she hasn't seen anyone in a while. Her best friend'shusband is a therapist and knows us both. I am contemplating talking to him for advice, confidentially.