I am considering having FH move in with me and I wanted to know the pros and cons. It seems like most couples today are living together beforehand, but then the worrying side of me reads stupid articles saying the divorce rate is higher among those who live together before they are married. I have my own place but he still lives at home. He works by me and stays over my place about 4 nights a week, when he doesn't stay over we still hang out in my apartment since there's nothing to do where he lives and his parents act like we are 15 when we're at his house. The only thing that has been holding me back from making it 'official' is I guess part of me wants to be traditional about it. Our wedding is in only 8 months and if he moves in since we will be splitting the bills, it will help me out a great deal. So what are the pros and cons?
MikesBride2B
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Re: Pros and cons of living together
The pros so outweigh the cons its crazy...I love living with FH. Its so nice to know that I get to come home to him, that I get to share a place with him. The cons are stupid man things...like he leaves lights on and leaves his wet towels places instead of hanging them up and stuff like that.
It is so great living together, I def recommend it. I'd just say make sure that each of you has your own space to go so that when you are in a fight and don't want to talk to him or look at him you have somewhere to go haha
Soon2bShea
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Re: Pros and cons of living together
I think that living together beforehand was THE BEST thing FH and I have ever done. We have lived together for almost 3 years and we moved in with eachother after dating for 3 months ( ) due to some odd circumstances we found ourselves in. I think its soooooooo important to live with someone before you marry them....you get to see their good, bad and ugly habits. I know alot of people who have moved in with eachother and then realized the other persons habits drive them NUTS. I would hate to marry FH and then realize all the little things he does pisses me off lol.
mbscheer
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Re: Pros and cons of living together
Posted by MikesBride2B
The pros so outweigh the cons its crazy...I love living with FH. Its so nice to know that I get to come home to him, that I get to share a place with him. The cons are stupid man things...like he leaves lights on and leaves his wet towels places instead of hanging them up and stuff like that.
It is so great living together, I def recommend it. I'd just say make sure that each of you has your own space to go so that when you are in a fight and don't want to talk to him or look at him you have somewhere to go haha
ITA... I love coming home to FH every night. After a year and a half of living together he is learning. He now remembers to close the closet doors and wipe up after he cooks.
Good luck!
GiannisWifey
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Re: Pros and cons of living together
We don't live together either so I really can't help you too much at all but the only thing I can say is that not living together really gives us something to look forward to once we get married....I would love to move in since it would make things so much easier, distance and hanging out wise, but we decided to wait, which is just a personal choice and figured we have made it through 6 years, we can wait one more.....
I think if he is staying over your house the majority of the week, then its kind of like you are living together anyway, so I don't see a big deal if he officially moves in. I personally HATE statistics so all that crap that is out there that the divorce rate is higher and blha blah blah...DONT go by that. Go by what you and FH feel is the right thing for you!
StaceyWill
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Re: Pros and cons of living together
FH and I have lived together for a while now and I really can't think of any cons besides the typical silly man things like llana mentioned. It's so nice to go to sleep with him and wake up next to him. And getting help with the bills is a major plus. I was always told that you should try to live together before you get married, because that's when you really get to know someone.
Lsorrent
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Re: Pros and cons of living together
We've been living together for almost 3 years now. It was probably the BEST decision we ever made, since now all the quirks are gone.
Pros: Having him sleep next to me every night Even if we don't have anything to do, at least we're doing nothing together Splitting the bills We're used to living with each other now, so there won't be any surprises when we get married
Cons: Less 'me' time He leaves his shyt everywhere
babsbeark
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Re: Pros and cons of living together
IMO I live with FH and have for the last 5 years.
So I am all for living together its great in lots of ways you get to know the little habits each of you have so it will get it out of the way before you get married!
I enjoy coming home from work and having dinner together and sharing the bills is a plus too
halfbaked
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Re: Pros and cons of living together
Personally, I think it's mostly pros.
I know that if I hadn't lived with FH before we got married, I would've wrung his neck after the wedding. I think being certain that you're able to live with someone in close quarters, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year is *REALLY* important to know before you marry them. Maybe he picks his toenails on the coffee table and that is just a deal breaker for you? LOL!
My grandmother was a little iffy about us moving in together (though she found us the place!) but eventually she came around and said to us 'I know you two are living together and aren't married but THAT'S OKAY. By the way, there's a nice church down the block.' LOL! Grandma!
Honestly, it would help you get better prepared for marriage and would help save you money for the wedding since you'll be splitting bills. FH and I were just like you two- we practically lived together before officially moving in so we felt like it was just such a waste to be paying bills in his apt. when he spent so much time at mine. It just makes sense to me. Good luck!!
Alyssa79
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Re: Pros and cons of living together
i personally am glad we moved in together before. It's been 3 years and I wouldn't have it any other way.
and yes, the cons are the typical male sloppiness/slobbyness, putting the toilet seat down, cleaning up after themselves, etc, etc.
i'm just curious as to how that statistic even makes sense. Let's say i was just dating FH and we moved in together, maybe we'd realize sooner we weren't compatible and not even bother to get married.
DWKSwed
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Re: Pros and cons of living together
I'm a huge advocate of living together before marriage, for me it has been wonderful, I mean it allowed us to have a longer engagement without feeling like we were putting off anything besides the actual wedding, since we got the day-to-day sharing of everything still. We pretty much already built a life together, and the marriage represents more of a commitment vs. a moving in together, starting the married lifestyle after the wedding.
The pros are obviously getting to see each other all the time, being independent, not having parents in your face, getting to do things your own way, shared finances/bills makes it easier to do what you want, and the most important to me is you get used to living together and getting to know each other 100% before dealing with the stress of a new marriage and possibly house or whatever. Even with how in love I was, when we signed that 1 year lease the first time I was like, wow this is a real time commitment lol, so I can imagine after promising to be together forever that can be more intense!!
Cons... for me, I used to get excited about him coming over and stuff, of course now that's just normal daily life. So you lose a bit of that but you get to make up for it in new ways - new routines and outings and stuff. The wedding kinda means something different if you don't live together, it's this exciting new experience aside from the big day and the commitment, it's the actual moving in together and everything so that's different... and you have to compromise a lot which again is practice for marriage. The biggest perk to NOT living together now is being able to save money by living at home and not paying rent. When I add up how much we could save by living with parents for a year, it really makes you think. (I realize after re-reading that you already have an apt. so this point is kinda moot, but for some other people it may apply.)
Basically I think the pros outweigh the cons but it's such a personal decision you guys need to think about it and see what you want to do, with it being 8 months away rather than 2 years its a little less of a big deal to wait too.
grkbarbie
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Re: Pros and cons of living together
the pros... your best friend is now your roomate. it doesnt get better than that!! its NOT easy at 1st..but i recommend u lve with him before you get married
the cons... his farting.
MikesBride2B
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Re: Pros and cons of living together
Posted by grkbarbie
the pros... your best friend is now your roomate. it doesnt get better than that!! its NOT easy at 1st..but i recommend u lve with him before you get married
the cons... his farting.
Don't forget the schweaty ball smell
2010bride2010
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Re: Pros and cons of living together
I know exactly how you feel. FH and I do not live together, but we see each other very often.
My Fiances brother recently got married, and his wife and him had been living together for awhile before they got married. I was always jealous, until her bridal shower! Once her bridal shower was over, she called her FH (my fiances brother) and asked him what he wants her to bring home!!!!!!! I was like WHAT??? BRING HOME??? It ruined the whole excitement of getting married and setting up your apartment/home/condo together with the gifts you got from your shower!!!
My family was always against living together before marriage, so I never really had a choice. But my mom sat down with me an explained how exciting it will be once your married to move in together and set up everything from the bridal shower and wedding once you get back from your honeymoon! She said it will make it all that more special!
So long story short:
Pros: 1. get to be with one another, and come home to one another at the end of a long day
2. Split the rent (like you said)
3. Not have to travel to see one another
Cons: 1. Do not have the newlywed living together feeling, and setting up your new place as husband and wife. ( may sound corny, but my cousin recently got married in Jan, and she said it was worth the wait living together!!! She would definitely do that the same) She made address labels with their same last name, and their new apartment address! She said she waited 5 years when they were dating, and she could wait the 1 year till they were married!
Completely your call, but i hope this helped a little!! And i would definitely talk to your family to get their take on it!!
Rosalind_75
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Re: Pros and cons of living together
pros - you see each other everyday and you get to know all the bad habits before the big day
cons - you see each other everyday and you have to put up with all the bad habits FOREVER!!!!!!
christine2010
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Re: Pros and cons of living together
we have been living together for almost 4 years & honestly i can say that it was the best decision we ever made. in my eyes there are no cons.
stinenandy2010
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Re: Pros and cons of living together
I definitely think living together before marriage is a very wise idea. Yes, there is an adjustment period and you will start to notice things you never did before but you work all this stuff out beforehand. There is nothing like the feeling of waking up next to your best friend every morning.
FutureJOC
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Re: Pros and cons of living together
I am so PRO living together. You learn so much more about a person when you see what they are like on a daily basis and have to deal with the little things they do when (if you are not living together) are not around. You are able to make a decision based on how you co-habitate if you are able to live with this person on a daily basis or not, and if you think you can't, then why get married?
I have not met one single person who has been married and divorced that did not say to me 'If I had lived with them first, I probably wouldn't have married them'.
cateydee
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Re: Pros and cons of living together
for me, i wanted to test the waters before we got married. FH was staying over like 4 nights a week just like yours and he lived with his parents too. So i told him, you might as well help me with the bills since youre practically living here. i told him that if we were living together, we needed to be engaged, so he proposed about 3 months later.
its great cuz he is really learning to fix those anoying man habits like leaving towels on the floor, lol. once the training period is over, we will be husband and wife!
DaniandKen2010
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Re: Pros and cons of living together
I know too many people who haven't lived together and have had a rude awakening when they finally did live together after getting married. I highly recommend living with FH beforehand. You get to learn eachother's oddities, you know you are coming home to your best friend every night, we have dinner most nights together and we still do our own separate things but we know we will always be climbing in bed with eachother so its really nice.
