A year before FH and I got together I was in a relationship that I wasn't exactly happy in (always felt like something was missing), but since we had been together for 3 years we both felt that the next obvious step was to try living together so we did and four months later it was very apparent to the both of us that it wasn't meant to be so we went our separate ways. Fast forward to today and FH and I moved in together very quickly into the relationship and a year later we're getting married. Funny how life works huh?
Do you feel that living together is necessary before marriage? Please explain (I like explanations. Lol).
Personally, I believe it's necessary because when you live together is when you really get to know a person for who they are, their habits, etc. and whether or not you can learn to deal with one another.
LadyReeRee
Posted:
Member since
*QOTD 03/27/2013*
YES!
I'm very old fashioned and I never wanted to live with the man I was going to marry before the wedding b/c I thought it would take some of the specialness out of moving in together. When FH moved in together it just made sense financially, and it was time saving. FH lived in Long Island and I lived in NYC and it was torture never seeing each other. We moved to BK almost 3 years ago and couldn't imagine it any other way.
Also, I think when you first live with someone it's kind of shocking. Like, hey I thought I knew you and you seemed like a clean person - so why can't you wash a freakin dish? Things like that will totally come up. After a while of living with someone you get used to it, but I remember in the beginning, I was like, 'Who are you, Sloppy Guy?' Lol
Alyssa M
Posted:
Member since
*QOTD 03/27/2013*
Great question! I agree with you completely, while it might not be necessary for everyone, it was definitely necessary for me. I really wanted to live together first and see how it would work out. We moved in together really fast but it worked out great, and it honestly was never hard. One of my friends moved in with her bf and said it was really difficult at first but we never went through a difficult period. I don't know why lol it just works!
luckyerialc
Posted:
Member since
*QOTD 03/27/2013*
Yes, I do! I used to say that I wanted to wait until marriage to move-in together - I think it was the romance of the idea that really appealed to me. After graduating college, FH and I both got jobs in the city. I LOVED the idea of living with him at that time, but it didn't hurt that we would be saving a TON on NYC rent! Living together for the past two years has only made us closer. You definitely learn a ton more about someone living together - it;s the ultimate test! Better to do it before the big marriage commitment.
luckyerialc
Posted:
Member since
Re: *QOTD 03/27/2013*
Posted by Alyssa M
Great question! I agree with you completely, while it might not be necessary for everyone, it was definitely necessary for me. I really wanted to live together first and see how it would work out. We moved in together really fast but it worked out great, and it honestly was never hard. One of my friends moved in with her bf and said it was really difficult at first but we never went through a difficult period. I don't know why lol it just works!
Same here! A few friends warned us that it would be a tough adjustment with lots of fighting but we didn't have any problem! It probably helps that FH is super laid back!
jenandivan
Posted:
Member since
*QOTD 03/27/2013*
It's a necessity nowadays. As an older bride, and entering my 2nd marriage, I didn't want to find out after the fact that he wasn't 'trained' so to speak. I needed to make sure that he can maintain a household, and also know that he could survive without me, heaven forbid anything happened. I met that man, and I couldn't be happier.
It works for us because, besides the usual having someone to come home to, I love to cook, and he loves to do dishes. So we're a perfect team :)
Stephanie621
Posted:
Member since
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NIKOLE
Posted:
Member since
*QOTD 03/27/2013*
For me...definitely. It took me forever to get used to living with him, heck some days I'm still not used to it...I'm OCD, he's messy, I'm just glad we got figuring this out in advance
YES. I'd rather get used to it now then run into potential issues after we get married and be paranoid that we both made a mistake! It's not going to 'take away' from the specialness of our getting married because there are so many more milestones for us to go through together (children, a house, becoming grandparents... oh god, I don't want to think about that!). It's not for everyone, but I personally would not do it any other way.
bridejackson22
Posted:
Member since
*QOTD 03/27/2013*
Fh and I don't officially live together cause we are trying to save money for the wedding we can't afford rent on top of that. Just too expensive on LI but we live at our parents house together it is not the same but we both knew it was right and you just know. I don't need living together in a place of our own to tell me that.
FDwedding14
Posted:
Member since
*QOTD 03/27/2013*
This is a great question, I think it is absolutely necessary to live with someone before getting married. For me I learned a lot about not just him, but myself also. We learned how to balance our own space and enjoy spending time together. We also learned how to recover from fights while living together which I think is extremely important. My parents weren't thrilled about me living with him but with time began to see why this was a good option for us.
Soon2BeMrsMango
Posted:
Member since
*QOTD 03/27/2013*
FH & I dont live together but we live together fri-mon and spend lots of time at each others home. We do plan to move in together 3-4 months before the wedding. I think it is important but not necessary. We would live together now but its cheaper for us to save for a house and the wedding living home.
sgf2
Posted:
Member since
*QOTD 03/27/2013*
We live together, and it changed the whole dynamic of our relationship. It took a lot of getting used to on both of our parts. We both had quirks that the other didnt think were that big of a deal until we moved on together.
BUT, I don't think it's totally necessary if you know this is the person you want to be with and you're willing to work at it if things get difficult. My cousin has been married for 8 years and had never lived with her husband until they got married.
RoandJoe
Posted:
Member since
*QOTD 03/27/2013*
Yes! I can't wait to move in with FH. We're trying to save and do it in a financially sound way. I do know that things will be so different once we move in, I can't WAIT.
JESMO
Posted:
Member since
*QOTD 03/27/2013*
I don't think is necessary. When you know, you know bc it feels right and different. I know my FH is messy and unorganized and we don't live together. We will after we get married cause we want it tht way.I like taking my time and enjoy every moment without rushing. That's my Personal opinion. But its w/e works for certain people.
MsErikaLynn
Posted:
Member since
*QOTD 03/27/2013*
I think you should definitely live together OR at least do an almost full time schedule of sleeping at each others house. I feel like you need to know what you're getting into and living together is a WHOLE NEW experience that's for sure! and the first few months of living together you are still playing nice but wait til the dirty socks on are the floor :) I also think it's VERY different spending time and nights together at one of your own apartments rather than at your parents because it's just a different dynamic! I'd say get in as much together time as you can because that's going to be the rest of your days :)
MrsAlfa
Posted:
Member since
*QOTD 03/27/2013*
We can't afford to live together yet. Hopefully within the next year! Or else we will be living together in a car.
MrsAlfa
Posted:
Member since
*QOTD 03/27/2013*
and double posted again. I hate this site.
ladygoodman
Posted:
Member since
*QOTD 03/27/2013*
I think you definitely should live together before. I feel like you don't really know eachother until you live with someone.
Soon2BeMrsPy
Posted:
Member since
*QOTD 03/27/2013*
I definitely think you should live together first! When FH & I moved in together it was the BEST decision ever. We were so incredibly close before hand but became even closer. I am so glad we were able to experience that before marriage. It was not that huge of a change when we moved in together. I lived on SI when I met FH and he lived on LI so he would come and stay the whole weekends which was a taste of how he would be together. The thing that changed the most was ME! I was a complete OCD clean, neat freak. I would freak if FH would put his keys on the table because I was scared of scratches etc. It was an adjustment for me and it really helped me let things go and just live! I LOVEEEEEE living with FH. Best feeling in the world is waking up and going to sleep next to him!
