* QOTD 08.04.2009 ******

little j Posted: Aug 04, 2009 09:47 AM

* QOTD 08.04.2009 ******

This question has a bit to do with sacrifice…Yesterday I met with a friend/BM that is moving to Tennessee at the end of next week. She was accepted into an elite master’s program with a full-tuition scholarship and research stipend. Of course it is an amazing opportunity for her, but the program is two years long AND she is ENGAGED! Given the job market, her fiancé is staying in NYC with his current job. Talking to her last night got me to thinking…and thus, the QOTD…

***If there was an opportunity that would excel your career development path that took you away from FH for a long period of time, would you take it? How would your FH feel?
If the situation was reversed and FH had to leave, would he? How would you feel?****

AdriandSteve Posted: Aug 04, 2009 09:49 AM

Re: * QOTD 08.04.2009 ******

FH and I have talked about this already when i was applying to doc. programs.

If i had to leave for school/work FH would come with me. I wasn't applying to places where he couldn't find a job.

If FH had to leave i would make the same sacrifice and go with him.

Lsorrent Posted: Aug 04, 2009 09:50 AM

Re: * QOTD 08.04.2009 ******

Actually I did. The first 4 years of my relationship with FH was pretty much long distance. I went away to college in Boston and he stayed here on LI. I came home about once a month, and obviously summers and holidays, but that was it. We got through it and I believe the foundation of our relationship is stronger because of it.

Also, when we first moved in together, FH had a job that had him traveling 5 days out of the week. He was basically only home on the weekends. It s*cked, but we did it.

I like knowing that my relationship with FH is strong enough that if we had to be apart for a prolonged period of time, we could be. It's annoying, and gets lonely, but knowing that we can do it and still come out strong, that's the important part to me.

MrsC2010 Posted: Aug 04, 2009 09:51 AM

Re: * QOTD 08.04.2009 ******

Posted by AdriandSteve

If i had to leave for school/work FH would come with me. I wasn't applying to places where he couldn't find a job.

If FH had to leave i would make the same sacrifice and go with him.

same goes with us....we would both make the a sacrifice and move for one another.

Clover23 Posted: Aug 04, 2009 09:51 AM

Re: * QOTD 08.04.2009 ******

Wow that's a tough one. I don't think either of us would do it, not at this age anyway - maybe when we were in our early 20s. It's hard to say though b/c it's sort of a situation that would never happen for either of us - I am admitted to practice law in NY and NJ... and there's no way I'd take another bar exam to go practice somewhere else. FH is a cop in Nassau, and he wouldn't leave that to go be a cop anywhere else except maybe Suffolk lol.

Great question!!

stinenandy2010 Posted: Aug 04, 2009 09:51 AM

Re: * QOTD 08.04.2009 ******

Absolutely. We have discussed the importance of our careers and how much we want to succeed so we can provide for our family.

runnerbride1023 Posted: Aug 04, 2009 09:53 AM

Re: * QOTD 08.04.2009 ******

We actually talk about this a lot b/c it would not be out of the question for my job to move me to London, Austraila, anywhere, for an extended period of time.

FH is a CPA so he is not limited to ny to work and if the opportunity would help my career he would totally go with me.

If roles were reversed I would pick and up go.

little j Posted: Aug 04, 2009 09:53 AM

Re: * QOTD 08.04.2009 ******

OK> I realized i forgot to answer.

Well, the first two years of my relationship i was living upstate for work and doing my masters part time at night, so i only saw FH a few times a month.

If I had an opportunity to leave again, I am not sure how that would work. I dont think he would be too happy.

FH has a pretty good, stable job now which he doesnt plan on leaving until retirement. So, I think we are pretty much stuck to the NY/NJ metro area for some time.

soontobecruz Posted: Aug 04, 2009 09:56 AM

Re: * QOTD 08.04.2009 ******

I couldn't do it. I give your friend a lot of credit but I couldn't be away from FH that long. I would only accept a position where he could find work and vise versa.

futuremrsjc2010 Posted: Aug 04, 2009 09:56 AM

Re: * QOTD 08.04.2009 ******

stinenandy2010

Absolutely. We have discussed the importance of our careers and how much we want to succeed so we can provide for our family.
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ITA

meganbrandon Posted: Aug 04, 2009 10:00 AM

Re: * QOTD 08.04.2009 ******

We've kinda discussed this a little bit here and there. i took a job in DC which makes my commute from his house an hour with no traffic (and dc never has NO traffic)!! and he took a job further west.... but we took these jobs to better our careers and make it better for our future. if it came down to us moving - we would do it together though, especially once married.

chreesta Posted: Aug 04, 2009 10:02 AM

Re: * QOTD 08.04.2009 ******

Posted by soontobecruz

I couldn't do it. I give your friend a lot of credit but I couldn't be away from FH that long. I would only accept a position where he could find work and vise versa.

ITA. Couldn't do it.

20mrsc10 Posted: Aug 04, 2009 10:05 AM

Re: * QOTD 08.04.2009 ******

we have actually talked about this quite a bit-it came up recently because fh applied to a job in puerto rico that could be anywhere from 3 months to years..

basically for now if he got a job like that he would go and i would stay, and we would visit each other as much as possible (once-twice a month)

especially with his job, he could get relocated for a few months to a year, in which case it doesnt make sense for me to try and get a new job every year..so for us to relocate it would have to be something we know is permanent

MarjorieFrank Posted: Aug 04, 2009 10:07 AM

Re: * QOTD 08.04.2009 ******

Something like this just happened yesterday.
FH was offered to go abroad to India for his job. It would only be for around 3 months. I would miss him like crazy but I would never hold him back from doing something that he wanted. He is not going to go though because they offer no increase in pay for doing this, so in our minds it's not worth it. Also, neither one of us feels safe about him going. I would worry myself sick every day. He said the job site is near where the hotels have been being bombed by terrorists.

If FH got another opportunity to advance his career I would have no problem letting him go, as long as it wasn't when we were supposed to get married. Also, I don't think I could go more than a few months.
If it was me, I wouldn't go unless I got a significant monetary incentive.

As far as moving for a job, neither one of us wants to do that as we want to be close to our families and friends. We aren't that obsessed with our careers that we would give us happiness and comfort in exchange for success.

KatieG2010 Posted: Aug 04, 2009 10:09 AM

Re: * QOTD 08.04.2009 ******

Nope, couldn't and wouldn't do it.. FH works for his family business and couldn't relocate. Plus I still haven't found my career yet so that option wouldn't even come up...

Bride825 Posted: Aug 04, 2009 10:16 AM

Re: * QOTD 08.04.2009 ******

Whenever we talk about the possibility of moving for our careers we talk about moving together. We never really thought of moving alone....I dont think either of us could do that

regy_k Posted: Aug 04, 2009 10:20 AM

Re: * QOTD 08.04.2009 ******

Posted by chreesta

Posted by soontobecruz

I couldn't do it. I give your friend a lot of credit but I couldn't be away from FH that long. I would only accept a position where he could find work and vise versa.

ITA. Couldn't do it.

me neither.
we actually discussed this early on when FH wanted to contact his old job in Boston to see if he can come back which he didnt cause of me.
me and FH moved around enough in our lives that now we wouldnt go anywhere, unless the opportunity is so fabulous that will let one of us stay at home and still live very comfortably

StaceyWill Posted: Aug 04, 2009 10:21 AM

Re: * QOTD 08.04.2009 ******

Posted by soontobecruz

I couldn't do it. I give your friend a lot of credit but I couldn't be away from FH that long. I would only accept a position where he could find work and vise versa.

ITA!!! that would be my answer too!!!

kris_gets_hitched Posted: Aug 04, 2009 10:25 AM

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Actually, this issue has come up for us, as I'm looking into a government law-enforcement position that would require me to be away for quite a few months at a time. I would absolutely take the position, and he supports that decision 10000000%. Of course, we will miss each other, but that's not a reason to miss out on a great opportunity IMO.
He has been away from me for his job as well, sometimes for a month at a time, and I'm okay with that.
While we depend on each other for things, we're not codependent to the point of being unable to function without the other. We would both sacrifice our own comfort for the happiness of the other one in this circumstance.

marinai7 Posted: Aug 04, 2009 10:27 AM

Re: * QOTD 08.04.2009 ******

I would move with him if he got a job in his career that really made him happy and he would move as well. In the long run, if it benefits both of our careers, we would do it. I couldn't stand to be away from him for months at a time. Maybe if it was a temporary situation for a few months but not years.