***QOTD 2.27.13***

I've been taking my mom with me to a lot of vendors that I've been meeting with, but when it comes to telling me her opinion, she always answers with 'It's your show, I'm just along for the ride', which really isn't too helpful. Lol. But I guess her response could be worse So my question today is...

What are some of the concessions you're making to your parents, or future-in-laws, or anyone else, that you wish you didn't have to make?

I've heard horror stories about parents and in-laws basically taking over the entire planning process, or putting limitations on brides. I had a friend whose FMIL told her she'd only contribute to the wedding if they had a photo booth, but was only willing to contribute what it would cost to rent a photo booth!! I'm lucky enough to have parents and future in-laws who aren't too pushy, especially because since they're paying for most of the wedding, they could try using that card. I did have to find a photographer who took traditional photos as well as the more modern type, because my mother literally wants a replica of her wedding album with one picture per page, and the whole bridal party lined up, etc. It's not my style, but I'm willing to make it happen if it's that important to her. As for my FMIL, the only real concession I made was changing the date so that my FSIL could get married when she wanted to, since she's older and wants to start a family immediately.

***QOTD 2.27.13***

I haven't encountered anything yet. My mom totally knows it our wedding and just loves being around for all the planning. I haven't had any issues with FH's parents. I'm hoping it continues to stay that way. I enjoy having everyone involved, BUT we ar epaying for it, so they don't have much say besides the guests they want to invite. I do however have one rule and it is that who ever they invite FH or I have had to meet them at least once in our lives. If we haven't they are not invited OR they will pay for them even if it fits into the number they are each allowed to invite. We feel no one should be there that we don't know.

Re: ***QOTD 2.27.13***

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Posted by Soon2BeMrsMango

I haven't encountered anything yet. My mom totally knows it our wedding and just loves being around for all the planning. I haven't had any issues with FH's parents. I'm hoping it continues to stay that way. I enjoy having everyone involved, BUT we ar epaying for it, so they don't have much say besides the guests they want to invite. I do however have one rule and it is that who ever they invite FH or I have had to meet them at least once in our lives. If we haven't they are not invited OR they will pay for them even if it fits into the number they are each allowed to invite. We feel no one should be there that we don't know.

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I tried instituting that rule. It didn't work. LOL Then again, I'm not paying for the entire thing. I am surprised though, at how many people aren't having any problems with their parents or future in-laws, after all the horror stories I've heard. Maybe I only talk to argumentative people LOL

***QOTD 2.27.13***

I've heard so many horror stories too. Im sure it won't be smooth sailing the whole way lol

***QOTD 2.27.13***

Fh and I really didn't intend on getting married in a church. But Fmil is very religious and my mom never had the big wedding. She got married at 19 in city hall and had a bbq reception in my grandmothers backyard. So we will be getting married in the church. My mom is a very demanding person. Things have to be her way always so I envision plenty of issues along the way even though we are paying for the wedding. She is paying for my dress and we have different opinions on what looks good on me so I know that's going to be an uphill battle.

***QOTD 2.27.13***

My parents have been great! They are helping to pay for a large portion of the wedding, so their opinion does count a lot. They can invite whomever they want to invite (which isn't very many at all, tbh). The biggest thing for my parents was that we get married in a church, and we were planning to do this anyway.

Re: ***QOTD 2.27.13***

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Posted by Lori0413

My parents have been great! They are helping to pay for a large portion of the wedding, so their opinion does count a lot. They can invite whomever they want to invite (which isn't very many at all, tbh). The biggest thing for my parents was that we get married in a church, and we were planning to do this anyway.

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Same thing here! That and that FH and I don't see eachother until the ceremony. Those old Italians are VERY superstitious.

Besides that it's all about me! Which is perfect lol. My parents are paying for a large portion of the wedding so I do make sure they know I want their opinions and that it does matter to me.

***QOTD 2.27.13***

My mom is paying for our venue and my dress, so I gave her a big say in these categories.... but I knew I wouldn't book a venue or order a dress that I didn't absolutely love~!

My mom's opinion means a lot to me but it is MY wedding. My rule is if I am paying for it, then it is MY ultimate decision. For example, my mom hates the idea of a party bus and uplighting but I ordered it anyway.

Re: ***QOTD 2.27.13***

ugh I too have heard bad stories :( we are paying for our wedding alone with little contributions like dress and bridal shower from family members so unless they want to contribute they get no say.

Re: ***QOTD 2.27.13***

We're paying for everything ourselves so we're not having any issues from either side. My mom offered to pay for the photographer and DJ, but she wants us to choose whoever we want so we lucked out.

***QOTD 2.27.13***

Hahah my mom is happy with whatever I choose...FMIL gives her little side comments that I just quickly put an end to. She wants us married in a church yet knows I'm not religious at all. Then she sneaks little papers to FH with names of people she used for her third wedding. I'm mean but it's kind of fun watching her squirm when she repeatedly asks me who is marrying us lol



Edittttt...I forgot this gem... FMIL came over Sunday...asked what I was wearing in my hair...said nothing...she kept pushing a veil...I just laughed at her and said...I'm not wearing anything...she's like well just try one on so you feel like a bride. I said really? Because if I know I don't want one why would I. Waste my precious time trying one on? Also I'm pretty sure that ill feel like a bride in my dress that day. Ugh lol soon she'll realize that it's pointless to discuss MY wedding with me...

***QOTD 2.27.13***

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Re: ***QOTD 2.27.13***

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Posted by RoandJoe

My mom is literally my wedding nightmare. I thought she was going to be amazing to plan with. We were SO close before I got engaged, and now she's just a lunatic. She thinks some of my ideas are 'different', which they are because it's not 1982 anymore!! All I want is for her to be excited about SOMETHING that has to do with my wedding. I showed her videos by my videographer, she was just 'eh' about it. Same thing with my photographer. When she saw the price difference at my venue from a Friday to a Saturday night, she jumped down my throat about how I could be saving thousands of dollars by having a Friday wedding which I CLEARLY do not want. She has contributed so much money already, but I can't deal with some of her reactions. It's really disheartening sometimes
The only thing my FMIL has an issue with is that I'm not doing a bouquet toss.

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My mother has very traditional ideas too, and I think if she had it her way, I'd be wearing one of those dresses with puffy sleeves like Princess Di. I showed her this website, stylemepretty, and I think she finally got what I was saying about everything being different now. She never pushed her opinions on me, but she also didn't get it. And now, even if she still doesn't get it, she understands the look I'm going for a little better.

***QOTD 2.27.13***

I truly believe in my parents eyes, this is their wedding and FH and I are the guest bride/ groom!! ahhaha but all in all, my parents are awesome and helping us pay for some stuff!!! :) they get a say however, it is ultimately our decision. Another rule is that our minimum is 130 so we definitely have that and then some. so if they or FH's parents want to invite friends they have to give us that money up front before an invite goes out.
Also if they want something, they can have it, but have to pay for it. My dad is a huge dessert fan!! luckily he has minimal health issues because he can literally eat a cake by himself every night if it were there! lol so he added a viennese hour but he is paying for it!!!

FH's parents on the other hand, I'll be lucky if they show, and if they do- we won't be getting a gift from them! They are by far the worse and cheapest people i have ever met!!!! They have no involvement in the wedding and hopefully they know what day it is!!! hate them!

Re: ***QOTD 2.27.13***

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Posted by MissToMrs

I truly believe in my parents eyes, this is their wedding and FH and I are the guest bride/ groom!! ahhaha but all in all, my parents are awesome and helping us pay for some stuff!!! :) they get a say however, it is ultimately our decision. Another rule is that our minimum is 130 so we definitely have that and then some. so if they or FH's parents want to invite friends they have to give us that money up front before an invite goes out.
Also if they want something, they can have it, but have to pay for it. My dad is a huge dessert fan!! luckily he has minimal health issues because he can literally eat a cake by himself every night if it were there! lol so he added a viennese hour but he is paying for it!!!

FH's parents on the other hand, I'll be lucky if they show, and if they do- we won't be getting a gift from them! They are by far the worse and cheapest people i have ever met!!!! They have no involvement in the wedding and hopefully they know what day it is!!! hate them!

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Does your FH feel the same way about his parents?

I have a friend who got married this past August. Her mom is not a stable person, mentally, and she didn't want her there causing a scene. (Last time she saw her mom, her mother accused her of being a prostitute and asked if her now husband was her pimp. This is absurd on it's face, but even more so if you know my friend who is straight laced, buttoned up, and I don't think has ever owned a shirt without sleeves.) She told her mom the wrong date, and gave her the wrong details and an address that didn't exist.

***QOTD 2.27.13***

What are some of the concessions you're making to your parents, or future-in-laws, or anyone else, that you wish you didn't have to make?

My parents haven't asked anything of me that I wouldn't want for myself. They haven't butt in...they've been 100% supportive and have given me complete creative control, but when they do make suggestions, I definitely take them into consideration.

My only concessions to my FIL's is having a large bridal shower, which I can't really be mad about because my FMIL wants me to have everything I could possibly want, but I never pictured myself having a large shower. Second was having a viennese hour, which again, I don't really mind at the end of the day, but it wasn't my idea.

No big complaints here! I'm lucky.

***QOTD 2.27.13***

nah- he likes his parents, after all they are his parents, however, they express no interest in his life or our life as a family...its just my parents that are involved. It's not a matter of them being crazy or not wanting them there, they just literally don't give a S***

Re: ***QOTD 2.27.13***

One MAJOR thing that my FMIL felt strongly about was inviting cousins. I really wanted an adult only affair, and most of FH's cousins are in there teens, that wouldn't be a problem except that my mom is one of 12 kids and I literally have over 50 first cousins. Our wedding would be out of control if we invited everyone! I eventually caved, and as a compromise I'm inviting 21+ from my side so we keep the numbers reasonable.

Other than that, FH and I have been making all the decisions ourselves. I definitely prefer it that way!

***QOTD 2.27.13***

I have no issue with either my parents are future in-laws. This is mainly because we're paying for this ourselves. However this is where things are backwards. My FMIL is so happy and supportive of the marriage. She's honestly just happy to be involved. I'm really fortunate because we get along so well, so I love including her in stuff. My mom on the other hand (and my dad for that matter) aren't really thrilled with the marriage (long story here). But because of that I haven't gotten any demands from them either.

So I guess all in all we're doing it our way

Re: ***QOTD 2.27.13***

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Posted by Alyssa M

One MAJOR thing that my FMIL felt strongly about was inviting cousins. I really wanted an adult only affair, and most of FH's cousins are in there teens, that wouldn't be a problem except that my mom is one of 12 kids and I literally have over 50 first cousins. Our wedding would be out of control if we invited everyone! I eventually caved, and as a compromise I'm inviting 21+ from my side so we keep the numbers reasonable.

Other than that, FH and I have been making all the decisions ourselves. I definitely prefer it that way!

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I feel your pain. My dad was one of ten and I have about 30 first cousins. And a few of my cousins have kids. I have to invite them all though. I couldn't leave any of them out.