Early posting today just in case I don't have internet access at the client.
Sorry if this question bothers anyone but today's QOTD is:
If you found out today that your FH cheated on you before you guys fell in love, would you break it off with him? What if he cheated on you now? What if he cheated on you know while he was drunk and it was unintentional? Would you break off the engagement? Or would you forgive him?
Edited: Would your answers be different if he admitted to these acts vs. you finding out yourself?
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If FH told me now that he cheated on me before we fell in love, I would forgive him. I think it takes a lot to admit something like this. Now if FH cheated on me now and he was drunk - I would probably forgive him too - but makes sure he never does it again. I would most likely be upset for the longest time and it would take me a while to forgive, but I eventually will. NOW if he cheated on me and he wasn't drunk and knew the situation that he was in, I cannot forgive him this. I would break up the engagement. He knew what he was getting himself into, and if he did this now, what's stopping him for the future.
If he admitted to these acts, my answer would be what it is above. But if he never told me and I found out through whatever source, I dont think I could forgive him in case 2 and 3.
What would you do?
lau11888
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Member since
Re: -*-*-*-*QOTD 3.23.10*-*-*-*
It sounds so cliche but FH and I literally fell in love days after we met. He was talking with 2 other girls at this time but I know for a fact (or as close to a fact as I will ever get) he cut them off literally the day we started dating. If he cheated on me now drunk or sober I'd end it. I'm not saying it would be easy, but I know better. In my relationship before FH I was cheated on. Well he says no but I say yes. Anyway I tried to move past it and our relationship was never ever the same. Obviously. FH is literally across the world right now so it does take ALOT of trust to keep this relationship. Good thing for me is he rather go scuba diving 7 days a week then go out partying.
MikesBride2B
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Re: -*-*-*-*QOTD 3.23.10*-*-*-*
We were pretty much in love from the start, haha...so honestly if he cheated on me and it was a one time thing, I would stay with him and make it work. I'm not saying it would be easy, regaining trust (esp for me personally) is very hard...but I love him and I don't want to be without him.
If it was an ongoing affair where emotions were involved...I could never forgive him.
Either way, I don't think I have to worry...there is not a cheating bone in FH's body (including the one in his pants ()
Ang9483
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Re: -*-*-*-*QOTD 3.23.10*-*-*-*
Thats a tough one. Drunk or not I don't think cheating is ok. I think the drunk excuse is just an easy way to try to get out of it. I think if I did try to work it out I think it would never be the same. I don't think I could look at him the way I do now. I think I would need us to see a counseler to figure out why this happened. There would be no easy forgiving though. If it worked then the trust will take a long time to rebuild.
dCa51899
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Member since
Re: -*-*-*-*QOTD 3.23.10*-*-*-*
Posted by Ang9483
Thats a tough one. Drunk or not I don't think cheating is ok. I think the drunk excuse is just an easy way to try to get out of it. I think if I did try to work it out I think it would never be the same. I don't think I could look at him the way I do now. I think I would need us to see a counseler to figure out why this happened. There would be no easy forgiving though. If it worked then the trust will take a long time to rebuild.
i agree - this is a really tough one. I also don't think cheating is acceptable at all, drunk or not. FH & I went to 2 separate colleges 2 1/2 hours apart from each other. It would have been SO easy to cheat, but when you really love someone, I don't think the thought would ever or should ever cross your mind. If I found out somehow that he cheated, I don't really know how I'd react until I was in the situation. I don't know if I could forgive him even though I can't picture my life without him. It would be really difficult to move on after that sort of betrayal.
WeezyGirl2354
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Re: -*-*-*-*QOTD 3.23.10*-*-*-*
I know this is going to sound cliche but no joke, FH would never do that! It's just not in his character - and again, I know that sounds cliche. But he's just one of those guys that never wants to burn any bridges and wants everyone to be friendly - never wants to have conflict. So i know that b/c doing such a thing would cause a lot of conflict he wouldnt do it.
He's not a hurtful person - I mean, he doesnt have a mean bone in his body (which is a good and bad thing sometimes) so deep down its something we wouldnt have to deal with.
BUT if it did happen - im not sure i would be able to forgive him. I've been there (kinda) and i wasnt able to forgive then (as much as i thought i could) so not sure I could do it now.
allornil
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Member since
Re: -*-*-*-*QOTD 3.23.10*-*-*-*
I'd walk. FH was obsessive w me and if I found out he cheated, I'd know everything he said was a lie from the beginning. It would change the way I felt about him as a person. Now, then, whatever.
FutureJOC
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Re: -*-*-*-*QOTD 3.23.10*-*-*-*
I know at the time FH and I started hooking/dating/whatever you wanna call it (we just weren't official) he was talking to this other girl who lived in Boston. One night while we were out, even though I sorta knew about it already, FH came out and told me about how he was talking to this other girl but he told her that night that he had met someone else that he felt he could really start a relationship with and thought they should just call whatever they had quits. I refer to that night in my mind as the 'brutal honesty' night. I felt it took a lot of courage for him to be straight up with me about that, because a lot of guys would have just ended it with the 'other girl' and not tell the current girl about it. I admired that he wanted to be that honest with me and it showed how he's not afraid to tell me anything, even if he's afraid of the reaction. After he told me he actually said 'I guess now you hate me and think I'm a big douche' and I told him 'I really don't hate you at all for that. I actually like the fact that you told me and it really doesn't matter anyways. We are not official or anything yet... I have no right to be angry with about something like that.'... he made sure to make it official the week later though
Now, fast forward, if I found out he did anything since we were officially together, I'll break off his you-know-what and dump his stupid a$$ But I know FH very well, and I know I have nothing to worry about and he knows he has nothing to worry about with me. We've both been in relationships (long ones at that) where the other person cheated on us and we know how that feels and we would never do that to one another.
jwleewedding
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Member since
Re: -*-*-*-*QOTD 3.23.10*-*-*-*
the way i see it... until we're married... what he does prior doesn't really count. i've even told my FH this. if he wants to seal his oats, do it before we're married and i wont hold it against him and i stand true to this.
futurestevens
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Re: -*-*-*-*QOTD 3.23.10*-*-*-*
Wow, I really had to think about this QOTD.
I've had some bad experiences with cheating boyfriends in the past, and I always say to FH 'thank you for being honest and loyal.' They are 2 of the most attractive features he has, and are the features that made me know that he was the one.
With that being said, if I found out (through him or anyone else) that he was cheating, I'm not sure I could forgive him. It would essentially change everything I thought about him and our relationship. I'm not sure I would ever be able to trust him again, and there is no way I could start a life with someone I couldn't trust.
Also, I don't think it would be fair to him if we stayed together either because I would NEVER let him live it down and he would literally be in for a life of misery lol.
what a thought provoking question, evita!
ETA: missing words lol
justnicethings
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Member since
Re: -*-*-*-*QOTD 3.23.10*-*-*-*
Interesting question.
I would leave him. I don't think I'd have a choice. I know myself and I'd feel too betrayed and our relationship would be destroyed for me. Hope I never have to see this happen!
PazzaRagazza
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Member since
Re: -*-*-*-*QOTD 3.23.10*-*-*-*
The strongest part about my relationship with FH is COMMUNICATION-- i basically put it out there-- 'If at any time you feel that you need to stray or try other things-- just have the decency to tell me-- let us both leave with our dignity-- in the end its better for the both.' In my opinion its just better to address it this way .
He agrees-- but we're madly in love LOL hahahah
FutureMrsDe
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Member since
Re: -*-*-*-*QOTD 3.23.10*-*-*-*
I don't think i could ever leave him. I think i would try to work things out. But Cheating is really not my FH's style so its not something i really think about.
LoveyDovey
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Re: -*-*-*-*QOTD 3.23.10*-*-*-*
I think it's very easy to answer this question now...but once you're actually in the situation your response may be different
anyway...I think I would leave FH in ANY instance of cheating.. I would never be able to look at him the same again and I certainly wouldn't be able to trust him. I couldn't continue a relationship if there were trust issues.
It might be a much harder decision to make if it happened after we were married and there were children involved
Thankfully, I know FH would never do this, he feels too strongly about it and is always honest with me...even if it means he has to be brutally honest with me!
MissingLI
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Re: -*-*-*-*QOTD 3.23.10*-*-*-*
Posted by Lizziearcuri
The strongest part about my relationship with FH is COMMUNICATION-- i basically put it out there-- 'If at any time you feel that you need to stray or try other things-- just have the decency to tell me-- let us both leave with our dignity-- in the end its better for the both.' In my opinion its just better to address it this way .
This is very similar to how we are. I honestly can't answer the question. There's a part of me that would love to say that I would dump his cheating a$$, but there is a very big part of me that also feels that I would do whatever we had to do to work on us. We both take what we are about to do very seriously and have both been known in previous relationships to go far beyond the other person to try to make things work. I feel that we would do this in this relationship as well.
VCanizalez
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Member since
Re: -*-*-*-*QOTD 3.23.10*-*-*-*
If you found out today that your FH cheated on you before you guys fell in love, would you break it off with him?
We clicked right away since the beggingin... So this was NOT the case... So if he 'cheated' as soon as we started to date then YES I would break up with him... Since this whole time [since we met] we were already 'in love'...
What if he cheated on you now?
NOW? H E L L No!!!!! I will NOT Forgive him!!! The relationship will be OFF...
What if he cheated on you know while he was drunk and it was unintentional? Would you break off the engagement? Or would you forgive him?
Thank God, We are not those people who get drunk... We usually drink together 1-3 TOPS just to get happy... But We dont drink So I would not have to worry about this.... But let's says this 'happens' since I have to asnwer the question: NO WAY! I Will NOT FORGIVE HIM! I will break off the engagement and there will b NOTHING! I will get away As much as I can and Will NEVER get anywhere near him! Cheating is CHEATING! Regardless of which ever way it is... It is still cheating!
Would your answers be different if he admitted to these acts vs. you finding out yourself?
NO... nothin changes... Cheating is STILL cheating...
The Cassie
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Member since
Re: -*-*-*-*QOTD 3.23.10*-*-*-*
it would be a done deal. Id be happy he fessed up if he did but trust is such a huge thing and i wouldnt be able to trust him
Tromsugar2b
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Member since
Re: -*-*-*-*QOTD 3.23.10*-*-*-*
lets see... yea FH and I were together like almost from the moment we met so it would be pretty messed up if i found out he did something, but i think if it happened in the first year we were dating I would forgive him, id be pissed and like make him make it up to me, but i think i could get over that...anything beyond that drunk is no excuse...when FH and I first started dating I just went away to college, got drunk all the time and never did I not know what I was doing enough to use 'i was drunk' as an excuse for cheating, you know what your doing. I honestly dont think I could be with him, I'd have to break it off because doing and saying all the things he says and does now would just be lies if he cheated, so I would break it off.
mrsq2be
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Member since
Re: -*-*-*-*QOTD 3.23.10*-*-*-*
Posted by evita2781
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If FH told me now that he cheated on me before we fell in love, I would forgive him. I think it takes a lot to admit something like this. Now if FH cheated on me now and he was drunk - I would probably forgive him too - but makes sure he never does it again. I would most likely be upset for the longest time and it would take me a while to forgive, but I eventually will. NOW if he cheated on me and he wasn't drunk and knew the situation that he was in, I cannot forgive him this. I would break up the engagement. He knew what he was getting himself into, and if he did this now, what's stopping him for the future.
If he admitted to these acts, my answer would be what it is above. But if he never told me and I found out through whatever source, I dont think I could forgive him in case 2 and 3.
What would you do?
I agree with this answer. If he hadn't admitted it though, I wouldn't forgive him for 2 or 3. the first one though it would depend on the situation. Probably forgivable considering it was before we fell in love, esp since it was so long ago in that case, but it would depend. He has learned to jsut tell me the truth since our friends are all intertwined, I always ending up finding out things that he didn't intend on telling me (white lies, nothing major) but he has learned b/c of that to jsut tell me outright.
LauraluvsSean
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Member since
Re: -*-*-*-*QOTD 3.23.10*-*-*-*
If you found out today that your FH cheated on you before you guys fell in love, would you break it off with him?
Not at all. Until we had the 'we are exclusive' talk, he was a free agent.
What if he cheated on you now?
I would have a serious chat about why he did it and what effect this would have on our potential marriage.
What if he cheated on you know while he was drunk and it was unintentional?
No excuse. FH should know that he could get frisky when he drinks so I don't consider that unintentional.
Would you break off the engagement? Or would you forgive him?
Depends on the who/what/when/where and why. Cheating has a cause, and once I find out that cause, I can't make a solid decision w/o all the facts.
