Early posting today just in case I don't have internet access at the client.
Sorry if this question bothers anyone but today's QOTD is:
If you found out today that your FH cheated on you before you guys fell in love, would you break it off with him? What if he cheated on you now? What if he cheated on you know while he was drunk and it was unintentional? Would you break off the engagement? Or would you forgive him?
Edited: Would your answers be different if he admitted to these acts vs. you finding out yourself?
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If FH told me now that he cheated on me before we fell in love, I would forgive him. I think it takes a lot to admit something like this. Now if FH cheated on me now and he was drunk - I would probably forgive him too - but makes sure he never does it again. I would most likely be upset for the longest time and it would take me a while to forgive, but I eventually will. NOW if he cheated on me and he wasn't drunk and knew the situation that he was in, I cannot forgive him this. I would break up the engagement. He knew what he was getting himself into, and if he did this now, what's stopping him for the future.
If he admitted to these acts, my answer would be what it is above. But if he never told me and I found out through whatever source, I dont think I could forgive him in case 2 and 3.
What would you do?
Moonmist09
Posted:
Member since
Re: -*-*-*-*QOTD 3.23.10*-*-*-*
Posted by jwleewedding
the way i see it... until we're married... what he does prior doesn't really count. i've even told my FH this. if he wants to seal his oats, do it before we're married and i wont hold it against him and i stand true to this.
does this count as in right now? this whole time you've been together? it wouldn't matter to you if he cheated?
Moonmist09
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Member since
Re: -*-*-*-*QOTD 3.23.10*-*-*-*
i don't know that this is something i, at least, could answer right now.
if i found out that FH was cheating on me now, i would like to think that i would be able to leave him. i couldn't ne with him knowing that he has shared something that was so special to just us with someone else.
i think if i was married and i found out about this and we had kids, i would probably stay with him but we would really have to go to counseling to work things out. this wouldn't be something i would be able to get over by myself. and this would only be applicable if he was so drunk when it happened. if it was a long standing affair i think i would leave him, no matter what the circumstances.
FH wasn't dating anyway for a long time before me, and I know he has been faithful ever since. we spend almost every minute together so he would have to be pretty damn awesome to pull this off. he's also a car tech and works with all guys - so no worries there.
like we all said before, this is very cliche, but FH is not a cheater.
xoabxo
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Member since
Re: -*-*-*-*QOTD 3.23.10*-*-*-*
i would leave if he cheated on me at anytime of the relationship... i was already a crazy/psycho woman when i met FH because of cheaters and when we fell in love i realized that all men are not cheaters and i could let myself trust someone but if he did it i would be gone so fast
ElovesJ117
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Member since
Re: -*-*-*-*QOTD 3.23.10*-*-*-*
I would like to believe that if he cheated on me now drunk or not that I would be able to walk away. However, I am not 100% sure that I would be able to do that. This is a really hard question. The only thing I know for sure is that if he cheated on me before we were official I would not break up with him.
BellaBride27
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Member since
Re: -*-*-*-*QOTD 3.23.10*-*-*-*
Very interesting question .......umm well first off i don't believe in the drunk excuse...whether your drunk or sober...cheating is cheating. If i could possibly refrain from literally running him over and ripping off his 'you no wats'..i would take a lot for me not to leave him..cheating for me is one of those ultimate betrayals and i don't think i could ever look at him the same way.
monkeemunk
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Member since
Re: -*-*-*-*QOTD 3.23.10*-*-*-*
We met wen we were in high school so if I found out now it was early on I'd forgive as of now I wouldn't forgive at all
mybabylovesmoi
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Member since
Re: -*-*-*-*QOTD 3.23.10*-*-*-*
FH knows how strongly I feel about infidelity - I think it's disgusting, disrespectful, inexcusable (drunk or not), the ultimate stab in the heart. We've talked about this early in our relationship and I was very clear about where I stand on this matter so if he were to cheat then or now, it would kill any respect I have for him. I've even told him if he were in a situation where he was tempted, to call me up and break it off with me then go about your business even if the girl is in the room.
FH had to work hard to get all my walls down because I had HUGE trust issues with men. I like to think we know eachother inside and out, and if he were to cheat - he is not the man I thought and know and he obviously doesn't know ME well enough to know better. He would be dead to me at that point.
I also agree that being drunk isn't an excuse. I've been pissed off drunk when I was with a long distance relationship. A friend's friend (who's modeled for J.CREW!) tried to kiss me and I was able to clamp my hand over my mouth in my drunken stupor.
If you don't want to do it, you won't.
BellaFiore
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Member since
Re: -*-*-*-*QOTD 3.23.10*-*-*-*
I have the ability to put up with a lot, but I have zero tolerance when it comes to cheating. FH feels the same way. I'm not going to waste my time on someone who cheats and therefore, doesn't respect me or my desire to be faithful. Cheating (sober OR drunk) is a huge betrayal of trust. I'm not saying leaving would be easy, but for me, personally, I'd be better off alone than with someone I couldn't trust.
adelya21
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Member since
Re: -*-*-*-*QOTD 3.23.10*-*-*-*
one thing I wont forgive is disloyalty especially at this point of the relationship. Im sorry but drinking is NO excuse IMO. If FH cheats now I will never be able to trust him in our marriage so why get married and have a distrustful marriage. Then have to go to counseling when just getting married? No wayyyyyyyyyyyy!
adelya21
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Member since
Re: -*-*-*-*QOTD 3.23.10*-*-*-*
I should have just said ITA!!! haha i feel the sameeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee way!
Posted by BellaFiorentino
I have the ability to put up with a lot, but I have zero tolerance when it comes to cheating. FH feels the same way. I'm not going to waste my time on someone who cheats and therefore, doesn't respect me or my desire to be faithful. Cheating (sober OR drunk) is a huge betrayal of trust. I'm not saying leaving would be easy, but for me, personally, I'd be better off alone than with someone I couldn't trust.
BellaFiore
Posted:
Member since
Re: -*-*-*-*QOTD 3.23.10*-*-*-*
Posted by adelya21
I should have just said ITA!!! haha i feel the sameeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee way!
Posted by BellaFiorentino
I have the ability to put up with a lot, but I have zero tolerance when it comes to cheating. FH feels the same way. I'm not going to waste my time on someone who cheats and therefore, doesn't respect me or my desire to be faithful. Cheating (sober OR drunk) is a huge betrayal of trust. I'm not saying leaving would be easy, but for me, personally, I'd be better off alone than with someone I couldn't trust.
Great minds think alike!
evita2781
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Member since
Re: -*-*-*-*QOTD 3.23.10*-*-*-*
Nice to read everybody's post. I hope nobody starts questioning their relationships or FH after this. After hearing all these famous people committing these acts, I wanted to see how everybody else felt about it
adelya21
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Member since
Re: -*-*-*-*QOTD 3.23.10*-*-*-*
It was a good question!!
Posted by evita2781
Nice to read everybody's post. I hope nobody starts questioning their relationships or FH after this. After hearing all these famous people committing these acts, I wanted to see how everybody else felt about it
evita2781
Posted:
Member since
Re: -*-*-*-*QOTD 3.23.10*-*-*-*
Posted by adelya21
It was a good question!!
Posted by evita2781
Nice to read everybody's post. I hope nobody starts questioning their relationships or FH after this. After hearing all these famous people committing these acts, I wanted to see how everybody else felt about it
thanks i just hope nobody was offended by it
adelya21
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Member since
Re: -*-*-*-*QOTD 3.23.10*-*-*-*
No I dont think so! dont worry. those who chose to ans shouldnt be offended IMO.
Posted by evita2781
Posted by adelya21
It was a good question!!
Posted by evita2781
Nice to read everybody's post. I hope nobody starts questioning their relationships or FH after this. After hearing all these famous people committing these acts, I wanted to see how everybody else felt about it
thanks i just hope nobody was offended by it
Jessc4985
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Member since
Re: -*-*-*-*QOTD 3.23.10*-*-*-*
WOW!! Long answers, and I found them so interesting!
I personally do not htink I would even be able to look FH in the eyes if he cheated. I just love him so much..I would be way too hurt to continue the relationship.
