Question about asking In laws for their guests if they are not paying?

Original post by sophie78

Dec 13, 2003 04:45 PM

My family is paying for our entire wedding. The wedding is costing a small fortune, but my parents are fine with that.

His parents are not even hosting the rehearsal dinner. His father told his mother that he would divorce her if she gave her son any money. Now, they are not poor. FFIL made $130,000 year. FFIL believes that weddings are a waste of money. In fact, he actually said that he hopes he dies before 9/18 (our wedding day) so he wouldn't have to attend. It is not a case that they don't have the money to donate. He is just selfish.

So, what's the deal with the guest list. Do I ask them who they want to invite even though they are not giving us a dime? Or do I just invite the people that FI wants and leave it at that? In other words, don't open it up for discussion.

My parents who are incredibly nice and generous would allow the parents to invite whoever they wanted. But I feel that it is not right to ask my parents to pay for FFIL guests, if they are not contributing.

I would never expect the groom's parents to contribute an amount of money that they were uncomfortable with. I know that everyone's financial situation is different and I would never want them to try and match my parents. But a small contribution is a gesture that they care about us. It is the thing to do.

HELP!!

sophie78 Posted: Dec 13, 2003 11:45 PM

Re: MAJOR VENT: Question about asking In laws for their guests if they are not paying?

Jannshari-

You completely get how I feel. I guess all of my irritation of this wedding situation stems from me feeling angry over how they have treated my FI his entire life.

FI describes his parents as 'asleep at the wheel' his entire childhood.

I get so sad when I think how they treated him.

[email protected] Posted: Dec 14, 2003 07:55 AM

Re: MAJOR VENT: Question about asking In laws for their guests if they are not paying?

Posted by am470

FFIL believes that weddings are a waste of money. In fact, he actually said that he hopes he dies before 9/18 (our wedding day) so he wouldn't have to attend. It is not a case that they don't have the money to donate. He is just selfish.

That is sick!!!!

We are paying for it all too...but if his mother EVER said anything like that, she would not recieve an invitation, nor would any of her firends. That is horrible!

mrswask Posted: Dec 14, 2003 11:54 AM

Re: MAJOR VENT: Question about asking In laws for their guests if they are not paying?

I have to agree with everyone who says they're horrified by his comment aboutdying before the wedding - even f that's a joke - that is a disgusting thing to say and honestly - if my ffil - or anyone said that - they wouldn't be there! JMO...

eliz808 Posted: Dec 14, 2003 02:36 PM

Re: MAJOR VENT: Question about asking In laws for their guests if they are not paying?

This is why my family and his family are contributing equally because the price per couple is very expensive and they have the same amount of friends and even more family than we do. I feel your pain because you don't want your family to take on the burden for everything and its hard but I would ask for their list and see who they want to invite. If its not that many people I would't freak but if its a decent amount I feel that they should contribute. From the beginning my fear has been picking an expensive place and not having any contribution but I guess that this is the burden of picking an exclusive place you can't expect FI family to contribute if it wasn't something they had not decided on to. I guess I am just trying to see their side but they should contribute somehow.

gaby25 Posted: Dec 15, 2003 12:45 AM

Re: Question about asking In laws for their guests if they are not paying?

wow! i am so sorry to hear that his family feels that way. well if I were you i would not
let them invite anyone. look you shouldn't expect money from anyone and i'm not juding him on that either. i mean if he doesn't have the money or if he does not want to contribute then that's fine. if you decided to spend so much on a wedding well it really not their fault but what totally disgusts me is his attitude. i think that is more hurtful than anything and i think that is what you are feeling. i know you must not care whether he is putting money down or not but his total lack of respect is horrible. i think you should just invite the people that your FI wants. Our parents just don't have the money to pay for the wedding but they try to help us in any way possible. they are paying for some guests that they would like to have there and most importantly they are giving us emotional and positive support. if they really wanted to be there for you guys they would try to explain their position and give you two all the emotional support a couple needs when planning a wedding. couples don't expect the money, i mean if we decided to have such an elaborate affair then that's really our problem but all that negativity is really not helpful at all. good luck AND DON'T LET ANYONE OR ANYTHING RUIN YOUR SPECIAL DAY GIRL! REMEMBER IT IS ONLY ONE DAY. DON'T STRESS YOUR WHOLE LIFE OVER IT!!!!!! KEEP POSITIVE

Maribelle7777 Posted: Dec 15, 2003 01:04 AM

Re: Question about asking In laws for their guests if they are not paying?

I think you should let FH invite who he wants and not ask your future in-laws for any input on who they want there. I'm sure if there's anyone like his parent's best friends that he's known for 20 years, he'll include them. And I am not saying they should not be allowed to choose themselves because they are not paying for the wedding, but because they are being so downright rude and ignorant about it!!!

I mean who says he'll divorce someone if they give money to their own son for a wedding? They are married themselves, no? Obviously at one point in time he thought marriage was OK. I hope his thinking has nothing to do with you because you sound like a very nice person. On top of that, your parents sound like very nice and *thoughtful* people!

I'm sure you wouldn't do this but if your in-laws were my in-laws, I'd beat the FFIL to the punch and say 'don't worry yourself about when you'll die, I just won't send you an invitation'.

I'm sorry you have to put up with that kind of childish behavior.