Question about rehearsal dinners

I came to my quick and witty gals for some rehearsal dinner questions,

Here it goes. I'm all about following proper etiquette, however, I'd like the rehearsal dinner to just be our very close family and BP. We have some OOT guests and we aren't sure if it is the 'right' thing to do to invite them to the dinner. I really want just an intimate, small dinner.

What do you girls think?

Thank you!!!

You don't have to invite out of town guests. I have gone to several weddings out of town and have not been invited to the dinner.

We are not inviting our OOT guests to ours -- it would be half the wedding.

this is just ME, but the way i see it -

if someone felt my wedding was important enough to travel via plane or a long car trip (or whatever) - they deserve to eat a nice dinner with my close friends & family.....it also means i'll be able to spend time with them in a more 'intimate' setting...

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Posted by davenjess

this is just ME, but the way i see it -

if someone felt my wedding was important enough to travel via plane or a long car trip (or whatever) - they deserve to eat a nice dinner with my close friends & family.....it also means i'll be able to spend time with them in a more 'intimate' setting...

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I agree if there a minimum amount of people and are forced to come in early (via plane, etc.) For us personally if we open it up it will be literally half the wedding and since they are coming from WestChester and Boston (mostly) they are not forced to come in the evening before and we feel an invite to the RD will just prompt them to do it unecessarily KWIM?

Our OOT who are coming via plane are coming and staying with family so it isn't even an issue for us.

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Posted by davenjess

this is just ME, but the way i see it -

if someone felt my wedding was important enough to travel via plane or a long car trip (or whatever) - they deserve to eat a nice dinner with my close friends & family.....it also means i'll be able to spend time with them in a more 'intimate' setting...

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I agree with you on that note. It has nothing to do with money. I just always thought it would be a quiet, intimate time between you and those who are taking part in the ceremony.

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Posted by davenjess

this is just ME, but the way i see it -

if someone felt my wedding was important enough to travel via plane or a long car trip (or whatever) - they deserve to eat a nice dinner with my close friends & family.....it also means i'll be able to spend time with them in a more 'intimate' setting...

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I kinda agree with this but I think it can get a little out of hand to invite everyone.

For the most part we are inviting OOT that are really close family members but not all of our friends are being invited.

There have been a few weddings that we traveled to. They did not invite us to their rehearsals so we decided we wouldn't invite them to ours,

However, we're having the RD at the hotel and we'll probably hang out there after so If they come in early enough, we'll probably see themt there.

Maybe do a breakfast the day after the wedding that OOT guests could attend rather than the RD? I feel that it's called a 'rehearsal' dinner for a reason... you wouldn't invite all of your OOT guests to the church or RH for the actual run-through... therefore it's not necessary to invite them to the dinner. I am prob going to do a morning-after breakfast at the hotel we blocked rooms at... that way we have a bit more time in a smaller setting to chat with those we may not have had a chance to at the wedding.

JMO!!!

we will be doing BP and close family only.. i don't even think fh's parents are including BP's significant others.. (although they wont be turned away if they showed up.. fh's parents will just have to pay for it..)

as for OOT guest.. nope.. we will potentially have over 70 people coming in from OOT.. i will show my appreciation to them at the reception.. where they can eat and drink all they want for 5 hours..

FH had suggested having the RD at the hotel.. but I veteod that because I know we will have some family staying at that hotel and i felt it woudl be extremely rude to have a dinner downstairs and not invite them..

All of FH's family and a lot of our friends are OOT. What we are doing is having a rehearsal dinner for immediately family, bridal party (+ significant others i believe, but cant confirm) + grandparents (since they will be walking down the aisle as well, it's a jewish ceremony). However, since we're getting married at our hall we aren't actually rehearsing!

After the rehearsal dinner there will be a more low-key event at the hotel (desserts, appetizers, snacks and drinks) open to all OOT guests to hang out, mingle, relax etc the night before the wedding. Hope it doesn't get too wild or run too late since we're having an afternoon wedding with pictures before the ceremony! I will need my beauty rest..

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Posted by Dee0522

Maybe do a breakfast the day after the wedding that OOT guests could attend rather than the RD? I feel that it's called a 'rehearsal' dinner for a reason... you wouldn't invite all of your OOT guests to the church or RH for the actual run-through... therefore it's not necessary to invite them to the dinner. I am prob going to do a morning-after breakfast at the hotel we blocked rooms at... that way we have a bit more time in a smaller setting to chat with those we may not have had a chance to at the wedding.

JMO!!!

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I'm doing a brunch the next day for all OOT guests. The rehearsal is most likely going to be the night before the wedding and I'm just so set on it being a small and low key dinner.

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Posted by bluegreen08

All of FH's family and a lot of our friends are OOT. What we are doing is having a rehearsal dinner for immediately family, bridal party (+ significant others i believe, but cant confirm) + grandparents (since they will be walking down the aisle as well, it's a jewish ceremony). However, since we're getting married at our hall we aren't actually rehearsing!

After the rehearsal dinner there will be a more low-key event at the hotel (desserts, appetizers, snacks and drinks) open to all OOT guests to hang out, mingle, relax etc the night before the wedding. Hope it doesn't get too wild or run too late since we're having an afternoon wedding with pictures before the ceremony! I will need my beauty rest..

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I love that idea... the 'after party' after the rehearsal dinner. That might be something to think about

thanks!

i am having
parents
grandparents
BP PLUS guests
OOT guests

BUT I am only including my OOT guests bc they are from Italy and since my whole family will be at the RD if we didnt invite them they would literally just be sitting in my empty house

However, FH's OOT guests are from Florida BUT they were originally FROM here so they have plenty of people to visit and they can find stuff to do so we are NOT inviting them

eta: we are not even inviting the readers - we will give them their readings about a month before and the priest will announce when it is their time to go up - we will give them their gifts at another time

we SHOULD invite them but since the readers are FH's two uncles from his DAD's side we thought it would look bad that we were inviting all of FFIL's siblings and NO ONE from his mom's side ( i doubt her parents will even come bc they live FAR upstate and have to drive in for the wedding the next week )