QUESTION FOR PREGGOS AND BTDT MOMS???

Shamma, this is a great question - and the answers above have been great!!

I always loved keeping a neat house. So during the first few months after Ryan's arrival, I would be in tears looking around at the craziness. My DH is helpful, but he works in the city all day - leaves early, gets home late, so there was only so much he could do.

In the beginning, the house just freaked me out! Nothing was getting done and the picture in my head of me being this amazingly pulled together SAHM very quickly disintegrated. I should have napped when Ryan napped and taught myself to let things go - and not let it bother me. But in some things I am a control freak and a schedule freak -- and I have now learned that babies DO NOT let you have control nor a schedule right away...that takes time. As others have said, I did things with one hand (still do sometimes) and carried Ryan around in that bouncy seat into the bathroom with me just so I could take a shower (and some days I didn't even get that far if he was particularly fussy!!)

All I know is that as time went on Ryan found himself a schedule and now we are both doing much better...I have figured out how I want to get things done during the week and work it into the 'schedule'...it's not fixed but things are certainly getting MUCH better - I feel normal again! And as he gets older and can spend some more time playing on his own, I find more time for me. I also learned that sometimes it's o.k. for him to cry a little while Mommy takes care of herself. Since he sleeps through the night and takes good naps, he is more rested and so am I.

I do have a cleaning woman who comes every other week so that does help. I still have not figured out when to get some cleaning chores done, but it's all finally coming together...and I have a VERY understanding and supportive husband...just like everything else, it takes time...

great post with great answers.

Id love to add to them, but im in the middle of cooking dinner and entertaining my attention-hungry toddler!

does that say anything about my day

I promise I'll be back!

I love reading these, b/c these are the kinds of things you never see on TV or people never tell you. People always make it seem like you have all these pleasant babies and these helpful hubbies and these clean homes, man TV does lie LOL Thanks all for sharing.

Anna put that baby down and write your expereince for us

Where are the rest of the BTDT that mommies to share with us.

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Posted by jenny11.9

the bathroom ends up getting really hard for some reason Kate, I don't really know why! i guess in my case, my baby just screams bloody murder the second I put her down and the trip to the bathroom just seems unbearable. I usually take her with me and just do a onehanded pee. VERY difficult. But worth not waking her from a cradled slumber!

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Been there done that!!!!

You think having 1 is hard with doing the 'chores' - it gets even harder with 2!! I have noticed that my cleaning does get neglected ALOT more than it should but I would rather play with my girls than worry if my shelf is dusty.
My husband is wonderful in that he does help out with laundry, dishes, cleans the bathroom and even still changes the litter box (i guess he got in the habit since I couldn't while pregnant and hasn't stopped yet :) )

This is really a great question. Before I answer, I just wanted to introduce myself to you all. My name is Tina. I used to be on LIW a long time ago but never really posted that much. I was really happy to come back and see a parenting section. I am a LI girl currently living with my DH in Texas. I look forward to learning new things from Moms who have been there before me and hopefully helping others with my own experience.

I remember in the beginning asking my friends why they didn’t tell me what it was like – it appears that Mom’s must forget how hard it is in the beginning. I think that I am already forgetting as well. The first few weeks I let everything fall by the wayside. I really did nothing but feed her, change her and let her sleep on me for the first few weeks. My Mom came to visit for 2 weeks (week 2 and 3) and it definitely was a great help. I would definitely recommend letting people help. But only if its someone that does not otherwise annoy you and understands that helping you with the baby means cooking and cleaning and laundry. It does not mean that they take care of the baby while you do everything else. Those people can just stay home! I told myself that I would get things done while she was sleeping. The problem was that she was usually sleeping on me! As I look back, this was a lifesaver because it was the only thing that forced me to rest when she did.

I generally take my daughter in the bathroom with me when I shower. We have a portable swing that she loves. I always swore that I would not be one of those Moms that does not shower and get out of her sweatpants all day. And I was amazed at how difficult it is to do just that.

In the beginning I found it awfully hard to break away to pee so there were times that I took her with me. Usually I left her strapped into her bouncy seat while I quickly went around the corner to pee. Sometimes she wimpered a little and usually I would talk to her while I was in there - telling her that I would be right back. I don’t know if this is normal or not. She is now almost 5 months and for those that have younger ones, this does get easier. Now I leave her on the floor on her play gym and she usually entertains herself. I was thrilled the first time that I came back from going and there she was grabbing at the puffy sun hanging over her head. I do not know what one does once the baby is mobile. Maybe someone else can enlighten me!

Cleaning definitely does not get done as it did before. I do have someone come in once a week to do the big stuff. The everyday stuff – loading and emptying the dishwasher, wiping down counters, picking up after my husband, vacuuming, swiffering, laundry, scrubbing bottles all seem to take much longer than normal because as the others said sometimes you are doing them one handed and sometimes you have to stop in the middle and tend to baby’s needs. I have become a master at doing many things at once, but this is after 5 months of practice. I am back to work full time right now and pump around 5 times/ day. Most of my friends had their children many years ago (I am 38) and none of them BF. So they were no help with the stresses of BF – but that is another thread.

Cooking is probably the thing that has most fallen by the wayside. I have a deal with my husband – if he wants to eat he either needs to cook the food himself or he needs to take on the baby responsibilities while I cook. I have no problem with frozen dinners or ordering out.

The most challenging thing for me in the early days was losing my independence. And I don’t mean it in the way it sounds. I knew that I now had a new little person that I had to think about and I LOVE that. I really don’t care that I can’t do all the things that I used to do. The problem is that I resented my husband because he still carried on like he did before. If he needed to go to the store he would just go. But if I needed to go to the store I would make sure that he was available to watch her. It was more on a subconscious level that I felt that he just didn’t understand how it felt to never be able to do anything again until I made sure that he was available. But he, on the other hand, just did whatever he wanted because he didn’t have to worry whether I was doing something else – what else would I be doing besides taking care of my baby!

Things are a lot better now. The fact that she is old enough for me to take her everywhere helps because wherever I go she goes with me and that’s fine with me. And when I do need some time to myself we discuss ahead of time and I have him commit to being home and not planning anything so that I don’t have to feel as though I am on his schedule (even though I still sort of am). I am already on my daughters schedule and then to have to be on his schedule as well made me feel like less of a person. I don’t blame him for that. Its just that his his experience is very different than mine. His experience is that he gets to come downstairs and have this cutie baby to play with for an hour or so in the evenings. It is a real challenge (and an every day challenge) to make sure that he understands my experience.

I have a new respect for all Moms after having become one myself.

Wow Tina - I cannot tell you how true your post rings for me. That is exactly what I have experienced with my husband. Somtimes I feel like I am in that movie 'Overboard' w. Goldie Hawn!!!

I have the added pressure of working from home which I really regret taking on so early...it amazes me from watching myself and all these women on this board just how much we are actually capable of. I am sorry to say that our endurance and capacity levels far exceed those of the men. I hate to sound righteous but I do think it's true. His life has been altered a fragment of what has become of mine... and my sense of self as well!

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Posted by TJW

The most challenging thing for me in the early days was losing my independence. And I don’t mean it in the way it sounds. I knew that I now had a new little person that I had to think about and I LOVE that. I really don’t care that I can’t do all the things that I used to do. The problem is that I resented my husband because he still carried on like he did before. If he needed to go to the store he would just go. But if I needed to go to the store I would make sure that he was available to watch her. It was more on a subconscious level that I felt that he just didn’t understand how it felt to never be able to do anything again until I made sure that he was available. But he, on the other hand, just did whatever he wanted because he didn’t have to worry whether I was doing something else – what else would I be doing besides taking care of my baby!

Things are a lot better now. The fact that she is old enough for me to take her everywhere helps because wherever I go she goes with me and that’s fine with me. And when I do need some time to myself we discuss ahead of time and I have him commit to being home and not planning anything so that I don’t have to feel as though I am on his schedule (even though I still sort of am). I am already on my daughters schedule and then to have to be on his schedule as well made me feel like less of a person. I don’t blame him for that. Its just that his his experience is very different than mine. His experience is that he gets to come downstairs and have this cutie baby to play with for an hour or so in the evenings. It is a real challenge (and an every day challenge) to make sure that he understands my experience.

I have a new respect for all Moms after having become one myself.

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I just have to say that truer words were never spoken right here!! I have felt the same way and am going through the same thing!!

Welcome back!!!

Its great to hear everyone's experiences and to know that none of us is alone in feeling the way we do.

Tina, welcome to the parenting boards, there's a great bunch of mommies on here!

I can relate to ALOT of what everyone else has said. Cleaning-whatever gets done gets done, Id rather spend time playing with my son than worrying about the kitchen floors or laundry I was never one to nap while he napped because I just saw it as a perfect opportunity (and still do) to get lots of stuff done while I dont need to entertain him.
Now that Im 36wks preggo, I do take a nap once or twice a week, while he's napping. But on other days, I run around and try to get laundry, cooking and cleaning done.

To those whose husbands are TRULY 100% ALWAYS 'dont need to be reminded or given clues' HELPFUL, youre sooo lucky, there are so few of them out there. My hubby is helpful if I ask him and was very helpful when my son was born, but those chores quickly came back to my agenda...
Even now at 36wks preggo, I do ALOT of what I shouldnt do (groceries, laundry, cleaning, etc, almost as if I werent preggo). Yes I do overdo it sometimes, but I find myself doing it anyway, because it needs to be done.
Whether hubby is working on things in the house (right now we're in the midst of repainting several rooms and totally redoing closets and other things.. so I feel that if he can be productive on that stuff. I dont mind doing the everyday stuff that I do...
However it WOULD be nice if he picked up a ew chores on a regular basis with no reminders or hints
Did I get offtrack? or run into a tangent?
Back to the baby in our lives
In the beginning, I never had a problem showering. I brought the bassinet right outside the bathroom door as he napped and was able to shower with no problem. He was a GREAT baby, and napped well, and had a great nature about him, so I never had to deal with not being able to have a minute for a shower. Now that he's a toddler, I look back and I feel that newborns are VERY easy to care for compared to toddlers (and I'll have one of each in a month )
Having a toddler is ALOT more consuming and requires undivided attention. He's at the age where he will put ANYTHING into his mouth, pull, jump on, climb, anything that comes to mind. He needs to be supervised at all times. So this allows for much LESS 'me time' and can be much more exhausting on mommy
Even when im cleaning or cooking, I feel bad that Im not playing with him. He demands alot more 'play time' than a newborn (well a newborn demands just as much time, but since they sleep so much more, it seems less stressing when comparing the two).

I can go on and on... Basically, YES your life changes in SO MANY WAYS. As they say 'somethings got to give' so your routines from before the kids will definately, absolutely change in one way or another. Your priorities shift right around to make everything come second to your children.

Somehow it all works out. When baby is happy mommy is happy. When daddy comes home mommy is happy. When mommy can run out for a manicure, mommy is happy.


Shamma, I cant wait till you join us!

Now after reading all this, its makes me wonder, can I handle this I can see Roger going hon the baby is crying. He raised his son on his own, but then he had no choice, but now with a mommy around it might be hon, come get the baby I respect all mothers. They do it all and they still keep on doing it. I take my hat off to you all. I enjoyed reading these.

Anna, maybe God is preparing me that is why I have a baby for a husband at time he can be the biggest baby

Tina your post was great, welcome back to LIW and the Parenting board.

Anna take it easy already

SInce am not working because of my HBP.. i have been home for 6 weeks and still have many more to go.. I do most of the cooking and light cleaning. Dh does not let me carry anything heavy.. he bring down the laundry to the basement and when i am done he brings it back...

We are very big pack rats...( we both come from familes who are) so basically we have a ton of stuff around the house...SO i have already cleaned my side of the closet and not i am on to his.. we both love to shop for bargins so we really do not spend alot on clothes... but we have so many.. i feel like i am ALWAYS doing laundty...but he know he will really have to help one the baby arrives...+


and i am very willing to accept help when the time comes..

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Posted by shamma

maybe God is preparing me that is why I have a baby for a husband at time he can be the biggest baby

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SO FUNNY Shamma, I Think thats true for MOST OF US