re-marriage?

has anyone ever been to a wedding where the bride or groom was previously married and then divorced? my FH and I were talking about this the other night & it turns out that the girl his cousin is marrying may have already been married - we arent sure - she has a kid and we heard she was married to the father from one family member and another family member said she is just a baby momma - so we really arent sure - but anyway that has nothing to do with my question and it doesnt matter it just so happens that FH and i were talking about this and then his cousin got engaged to this girl so it reminded me of it again....for some reason i just find it strange - i never ever thought about it before until now - i guess because i've been thinking alot about what marriage means to me and FH and all that good stuff and i am seeing marriage differently, and the promises we are making and our vows and our ceremony and all that - its just something that is very serious to me....i understand that people get re-married/divorced and i dont have a problem with that at all - but i just think its weird how you can make all the same promises to another person after you already promised yourself to someone else - its like how can you do that twice? i just cant imagine myself being as in love with FH as i am now, promising him all these things, watching our families cry and then 5-10 years later doing it all over again with a different dude - i just dont get it....also, this girl is having a shower (we werent sure if she was b/c they are getting married in 4 months of their engagement) so it made me think about what if she was previously married and already had a wedding shower? i dont know its just so weird to me that someone would have another shower - not that they shouldnt but its just weird to me because your family already watched you do this because you were marrying someone else, i guess because the shower, the wedding ceremony, the reception, the engagement all those things you already did because of your love to someone else - so i guess that is the part that is strange to me....i dont really know how to explain it - did anyone ever think of this before? just figured id give us something to BS about until the work day is over maybe someone can enlighten me....

I was not in any other relationships I'd really consider 'serious' but isn't it the same as any other relationship milestone?

Saying I love you after you've already said it? Doing other things together that you've already done with someone else before? Especially if you were in a very serious relationship before. I guess I don't really see it as being THAT THAT different. JMHO

i dont know - i dont think its horrible or bad, i just cant imagine doing the whole wedding thing over again - like i cant imagine doing this over again and inviting my family again to watch me marry again after they watched me marry FH - i dont know maybe im weird

Yes, I have. And the bride felt the same way you/we do now about our FHs when she first got married.

And a few years later.....things happened and people changed. It happens, it's nothing you can plan or prepare for.

And now even though she probably never thought she'd ever feel the same way about another man again....she does. And she's so happy.

You never know......

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Posted by bluegreen08

I was not in any other relationships I'd really consider 'serious' but isn't it the same as any other relationship milestone?

Saying I love you after you've already said it? Doing other things together that you've already done with someone else before? Especially if you were in a very serious relationship before. I guess I don't really see it as being THAT THAT different. JMHO

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thats a good point....maybe b/c i really dont know anyone divorced/remarried in my own family so ive never seen it before - maybe thats why i have weird feelings about it

This will be my first marriageand only - but I have friends and family who have been remarried...Sometimes relationships just don't work for whatever the reason my be. Thankfully those people were able to move on and find another to 'have and to hold' As for the shower, etc. It is a new relationship and you need to start fresh

my parents divorced when i was 5, and my dad remarried (many years later - they had a 15 year engagement), and it was his 2nd wife that was the love of his life. when my parents married they were very young, and realized afterwards that they were better off friends than lovers, and that they're was someone else out there for each of them. so yes, i think it's possible to go through it all again. sometimes a relationship changes along the way in ways you'd never expect, either making you closer, or grow apart.

my stepsister got divorced from the father of her 3 kids about 5 years ago, and just remarried. she said she would never do it again, but sometimes love does find you. she fought really hard to save her first marriage, but that didn't work out. i feel happy for her that after all she went through, that she is now able to find someone else to make these vows to, and be happy and find love again in her life.

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Posted by Future Mulligan

i dont know - i dont think its horrible or bad, i just cant imagine doing the whole wedding thing over again - like i cant imagine doing this over again and inviting my family again to watch me marry again after they watched me marry FH - i dont know maybe im weird

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I don't think it's weird to feel that way.... and I can understand why you would feel weird seeing someone go through everything all over again.

I've had friends in long very serious relationships break up... and then start dating someone else, and it's weird to see them with someone new. Especially when they were so in love, were about to get engaged, whatever.

I never felt the same way about an ex as I do my FH, but I can imagine that would be weird too.

One of my best friends has a stepdad -- her biological dad passed away when she was very young and her mom remarried. You don't always plan for these things, but sometimes it's that or being alone forever..

FH has been married before. I don't think that our marriage or our vows will mean any less to him because he has said them before to someone else. FH has since gotten a divorce and an annulment. According to the church the first marriage doesn't even exist.

Like a PP said, does 'I love you' mean any less when you say it to FH if you have said it before to someone else? No. It was a different time and a different place in your life. Things change.

for me, i just cant imagine getting up in front of all those people and making those promises again - i never say never though b/c i dont know what will happen in my future, i just cant help but wonder about it thats all...see, when i told people i love them in the past, i really didnt mean it - i thought i loved them but i wasnt really sure, it was more lust, being young and stupid, or whatever you want to call it - so for me its hard to buy that comparison of you already told people you loved them its the same thing as getting married again - but im glad that people do find love, and get remarried, i dont think anyone should be miserable just because they made a mistake or things changed - i was just thinking of it on a personal view of how i view things at this very moment of my life - and at this point i can never imagine doing this all again because it didnt work out with FH - i would feel silly i think...i dont know maybe im old school

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Posted by Future Mulligan

for me, i just cant imagine getting up in front of all those people and making those promises again - i never say never though b/c i dont know what will happen in my future, i just cant help but wonder about it thats all...see, when i told people i love them in the past, i really didnt mean it - i thought i loved them but i wasnt really sure, it was more lust, being young and stupid, or whatever you want to call it - so for me its hard to buy that comparison of you already told people you loved them its the same thing as getting married again - but im glad that people do find love, and get remarried, i dont think anyone should be miserable just because they made a mistake or things changed - i was just thinking of it on a personal view of how i view things at this very moment of my life - and at this point i can never imagine doing this all again because it didnt work out with FH - i would feel silly i think...i dont know maybe im old school

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I think part of the reason you feel that way is because you say you never really loved the other people you said 'I love you' to. I know many people who really truly DID love past ex bfs or gfs, and while I've never really been in the same boat I can imagine it would be the same situation.

Nicole, I think it's hard to imagine these things when we are still so in love with our FHs. It's like, how could I love anyone the way I love him? When you are not IN the situation, it makes more sense that you might be able to find someone that you want to commit your life to, again. Does that make sense? Like bluegreen said - it is kinda like any relationship failing and then finding another. When the first one is soooo strong, you can't imagine yourself ever loving someone else the way you love that person. But as we all know - things change - and you wind up HATING that person sometimes and falling deeply in love with another.

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Posted by JBoothIn2008

Nicole, I think it's hard to imagine these things when we are still so in love with our FHs. It's like, how could I love anyone the way I love him? When you are not IN the situation, it makes more sense that you might be able to find someone that you want to commit your life to, again. Does that make sense? Like bluegreen said - it is kinda like any relationship failing and then finding another. When the first one is soooo strong, you can't imagine yourself ever loving someone else the way you love that person. But as we all know - things change - and you wind up HATING that person sometimes and falling deeply in love with another.

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I agree, its very easy to say what we say when we are in the situations we are in now, i am sure they felt the same way with their first marriages, i can probably guarantee they did. We dont know the situation so hard to judge unless we know all the facts.

Now i was never married before but i was in a relationship for 8 years before FH. Its so hard to predict what will happen and i think alot of people will be shocked how things change down the line and new things that will be in store for us. If you asked me at 21, 22, 23 id say id be with my ex and now i cant imagine not being with FH and realize how much better it is. Ive seen AMAZING couples break up after being together for such a long time. I had a friend who was with her bf since we were in JHS and they broke up last year. They had lived together a few years before the break up. If i had to put my money on what couple would last it wouldve been them, and so would have everyone else who knew them. He treated her like a queen and they had a great relationship...things just changed out of nowhere and it was a HUGE shock to everyone. I dont think any of us even wouldve thought it was really over but seems like it is. Its not for us to understand bc unless we walked in their shoes and went through what they did then we'd never understand. Some might wonder how i was with somebody for 8 years and now i dont miss him at all, dont ever think oh what if and how things would've been different but i dont expect for others to understand bc nobody else had to go through with what i did and live my life. Its very easy to spend YEARS with somebody and then one day move on, well let me not say easy but it happens and it happens alot. Look at marriages that end after 15-20 years or more.

I agree with the other posters, i am sure you cant' imagine yourself in love the way you are now. Things do change and sometimes your partner may change while you feel the same, so many different things can happen. My cousin married a girl that he was friends with as a child and lost touch with. When they met eachother again she had been married young and her husband had passed away. There are so many different circumstances as to why people remarry and like a previous poster had said love sometimes just finds you. Btw your dog is like the cutest thing ever!!!!

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Posted by Future Mulligan

i dont know - i dont think its horrible or bad, i just cant imagine doing the whole wedding thing over again - like i cant imagine doing this over again and inviting my family again to watch me marry again after they watched me marry FH - i dont know maybe im weird

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I know what you mean and asking all those people to come to your wedding again and then they have to give you another gift. And the shower too. I don't think I would have a big wedding if I was married once before. But Fh cousin is getting married for the first time this summer but his fiance has been married before and she didn't want a big wedding or anything. But his family wanted a big thing cause it was his first! So they are having a big thing now even thought she didn't want it. So it might not be the person it might be the fiance or the family that wants it.

i agree with you girls. i dont think anyone should not have a second shot at love and a marriage everyone deserves to be happy and in love

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Posted by Future Mulligan

i agree with you girls. i dont think anyone should not have a second shot at love and a marriage everyone deserves to be happy and in love

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even though i was with someone else for a long time and now im with FH and marrying him, so ive seen that its possible to move on and love somebody else. Its STILL hard for me to picture not being with Fh and being with somebody else, when you are in love you just cant see it being any other way so its very normal to feel this way.