re-marriage?

Original post by Future Mulligan

Mar 03, 2008 02:38 PM

has anyone ever been to a wedding where the bride or groom was previously married and then divorced? my FH and I were talking about this the other night & it turns out that the girl his cousin is marrying may have already been married - we arent sure - she has a kid and we heard she was married to the father from one family member and another family member said she is just a baby momma - so we really arent sure - but anyway that has nothing to do with my question and it doesnt matter it just so happens that FH and i were talking about this and then his cousin got engaged to this girl so it reminded me of it again....for some reason i just find it strange - i never ever thought about it before until now - i guess because i've been thinking alot about what marriage means to me and FH and all that good stuff and i am seeing marriage differently, and the promises we are making and our vows and our ceremony and all that - its just something that is very serious to me....i understand that people get re-married/divorced and i dont have a problem with that at all - but i just think its weird how you can make all the same promises to another person after you already promised yourself to someone else - its like how can you do that twice? i just cant imagine myself being as in love with FH as i am now, promising him all these things, watching our families cry and then 5-10 years later doing it all over again with a different dude - i just dont get it....also, this girl is having a shower (we werent sure if she was b/c they are getting married in 4 months of their engagement) so it made me think about what if she was previously married and already had a wedding shower? i dont know its just so weird to me that someone would have another shower - not that they shouldnt but its just weird to me because your family already watched you do this because you were marrying someone else, i guess because the shower, the wedding ceremony, the reception, the engagement all those things you already did because of your love to someone else - so i guess that is the part that is strange to me....i dont really know how to explain it - did anyone ever think of this before? just figured id give us something to BS about until the work day is over maybe someone can enlighten me....

Toucan311 Posted: Mar 03, 2008 04:10 PM

Re: re-marriage?

My dad was married previously but did not have a 'wedding'... it was my moms first marriage and they had a big wedding. Guess it depends on the situation.

DGoldfarb0776 Posted: Mar 03, 2008 04:13 PM

Re: re-marriage?

I told myself that after spending over a year planning this wedding I don't EVER want to do it again- if there's any reason for me to get married again I will be doing what FH's aunt is doing the second time around- getting married in the company of like 12 people with a justice of the peace.

Toucan311 Posted: Mar 03, 2008 04:17 PM

Re: re-marriage?

Posted by DGoldfarb0776

I told myself that after spending over a year planning this wedding I don't EVER want to do it again- if there's any reason for me to get married again I will be doing what FH's aunt is doing the second time around- getting married in the company of like 12 people with a justice of the peace.

I agree. I'd feel like a fool walking down the aisle in a big white dress for a second time.

DeeluvsVinny Posted: Mar 03, 2008 04:31 PM

Re: re-marriage?

I dunno, it's weird for me too. I mean, obvioulsy people get re-married all the time and it's 'normal' in today's society. But, no one in my family has EVER gotten divorced. I guess I've just never been around it and don't really understand how it happens. Fh's stepmom is divorced (his mom passed away) and sometimes we talk about her ex and she says she has no idea why she married him and that FFIL is the love of her life...

anneandchris Posted: Mar 03, 2008 04:50 PM

Re: re-marriage?

I agree with a lot of the other girls but Nicole I think I get what you are trying to say so maybe these two examples will help:

1. My cousin was married had two kids and then a miserable divorce. He then years later fell in love and got remarried. His new bride had never been married before so they did the whole big wedding thing -- he told us he felt silly asking people to come to another wedding but it was important to his new wife to have her new family there

2. My other cousin got divorced and then fell in love again with a man who had been married before. They had a simple close family and friends second wedding.

My point for both of these is -- as their family/friends we were so happy to see them happy that we wanted to celebrate and do all of these things for them again.

msflesch Posted: Mar 03, 2008 05:12 PM

Re: re-marriage?

i really think its a case by case situation.
i hope that we ALL never have to know and live happy forever with all of our FH S!!

mishjohn Posted: Mar 03, 2008 07:34 PM

Re: re-marriage?

Posted by Future Mulligan

has anyone ever been to a wedding where the bride or groom was previously married and then divorced? my FH and I were talking about this the other night & it turns out that the girl his cousin is marrying may have already been married - we arent sure - she has a kid and we heard she was married to the father from one family member and another family member said she is just a baby momma - so we really arent sure - but anyway that has nothing to do with my question and it doesnt matter it just so happens that FH and i were talking about this and then his cousin got engaged to this girl so it reminded me of it again....for some reason i just find it strange - i never ever thought about it before until now - i guess because i've been thinking alot about what marriage means to me and FH and all that good stuff and i am seeing marriage differently, and the promises we are making and our vows and our ceremony and all that - its just something that is very serious to me....i understand that people get re-married/divorced and i dont have a problem with that at all - but i just think its weird how you can make all the same promises to another person after you already promised yourself to someone else - its like how can you do that twice? i just cant imagine myself being as in love with FH as i am now, promising him all these things, watching our families cry and then 5-10 years later doing it all over again with a different dude - i just dont get it....also, this girl is having a shower (we werent sure if she was b/c they are getting married in 4 months of their engagement) so it made me think about what if she was previously married and already had a wedding shower? i dont know its just so weird to me that someone would have another shower - not that they shouldnt but its just weird to me because your family already watched you do this because you were marrying someone else, i guess because the shower, the wedding ceremony, the reception, the engagement all those things you already did because of your love to someone else - so i guess that is the part that is strange to me....i dont really know how to explain it - did anyone ever think of this before? just figured id give us something to BS about until the work day is over maybe someone can enlighten me....

i was previously married to my daughters father, i got prego before we got married and our families sort of pushed the issue, when deep down inside i knew it wasn't right, i really never was in-love w/ him!! i know that sounds really bad, but it's true!! i am now getting married to the man i am supposed to, the man that I AM IN_LOVE with!! so this is right everything about, even if it is the second time!! i didn't do any wedding planning before, i had no bridal shower, b/c i had a huge baby shower, we got married at a chapel and had a dinner with family only...so this time is so special to me in a better way, i can do all of the planning and enjoy every minute of it.....listen, most of my friends are divorced and re-married, it a sick world out ther, my sister is going through this as i write w/ a 6 month old baby b/c her husband of almost 5 yrs is a selfish ****, he doesn't want the responsibilty of a family...and now my sister has to do all of this by herself, i tell you it is the men out there, you and i have manged to find good guys, but to me, a lot of them are all selfish, still want to go to clubs and act like they are still 22!!! i get what your saying, but divorce does happen alot these days!! it's really sad!!

bella1028 Posted: Mar 03, 2008 07:41 PM

Re: re-marriage?

I completely understand...divorce happens all the time...but I know I often think that I could never love anyone the way I love my FH...

monkeybuttz Posted: Mar 03, 2008 09:41 PM

Re: re-marriage?

I am getting re-married and believe me ,when I got married the first time I never expected to end up divorced. The truth is people change and sometimes these changes make people grow apart.
I did not want a big wedding-I actually just wanted to go to Mexico-a shower or any of the 'usual' wedding stuff. However, FH and his family did bc he has never been married before.
The majority of all shower/wedding/party guests will be from his side of the family. Out of an estimated 120 wedding guests 15-20 will be from my side-the rest his. I really dont think its fais to ask anyone to do all of that again.
I am thankful that I have been given a second chance at happiness. Divorce is not a pleasant thing but sometime, it is for the best.

Future Mulligan Posted: Mar 03, 2008 09:57 PM

Re: re-marriage?

thanks for sharing your stories girls - it was sweet of you - reading what some of you wrote helps me get a different perspective on things

wundmoretime Posted: Mar 04, 2008 12:07 AM

Re: re-marriage?

I married young to an older guy (10 yrs). I had a bad family relationship and married him more for spite and I didn't know how to get out of it gracefully. I knew he wasn't the one, but I didn't now what to do. I had no support system. I had the big wedding then that was a disaster-a huge fist fight between the parents and cops called-multiple other issues. It was definetely a wedding day hel**. I had tried to move on and accept the situation. The kids came and I stayed for their sake. I didn't realize how bad I had it until I was actually out of the situation. I was in a very abusive and destructinve relationship that took all my pride and self respect. Until it escalated into numerous physical assaults, I stayed. I met my FH will I was still living with my ex. It was a miserable existence but neither of us would leave without the kids. I finally had him removed for domestic violence and I was finally able to live my life. I never felt so in love as I do with my FH. Our relationship is completely different than I ever felt. I know I am marrying again this time for love. It is has been 15 years since the first time and this is my do-over. It is a first (and as FH states-last) marriage for him. He wanted the big wedding. As you get older, you will change and hopefully you will grow together and not apart. People do change as they get older.

anamaree77 Posted: Mar 04, 2008 08:27 AM

Re: re-marriage?

There are so many reasons things happen in life and i've learned that the past makes people what they are today. FH is divorced and had his marriage annulled after 10 years. I see first hand what his Ex did and continues to do to him every day of his life to the point of using his children as pawns against him. It's really sad. From the way FH describes it, he thought she was somebody and eventually came to find out she just wasn't who he thought she was. I can never imagine feeling the way I do for FH towards anyone else but I suppose if we got married and he changed, I wouldn't stick around just for the sake of not getting a divorce. I'd want to be happy and i'd leave just like he did. I think what I wrote just came out way confusing but what i'm trying to say is that you just never know what the future will bring.

You're not 'Old School', you just haven't had any experience yet. That's a good thing!!!!

BubbasBride Posted: Mar 04, 2008 09:18 AM

Re: re-marriage?

I've been there. People change, they lie, they do terrible things. Sometimes, if you are lucky and have the courage to pick yourself up and look around for something better, you find it. And your heart and soul heal and the way you love people changes too...for the better.

And in 10 more days I get a second chance at all the wonderful things marriage should be.

AND I CAN'T WAIT!!!!!

kellybean Posted: Mar 04, 2008 09:25 AM

Re: re-marriage?

Having just gotten remarried ....and we did the big wedding and it was absolutely perfect not one person made any comments about it being a second marriage..I eloped at 18 in vermont.....and DH has never been married though he lived with someone for 6 years...Life happens.....I didnt excpect a divorce and fought not to get one however the things he was doing were bad for my sons.....I meant every word I said to DH and I am not going to say I never loved my EX husband I did and to be honest I still do ....he is one of my best friends and I love him dearly Just not that way ...we werent meant to be together and that dosent mean the we dont deserve to be happy seperately or that DH of my ex husbands Fiance dont deserve to have the wedding and those promises .....when your happy you could never imagine not being that way , people dont look for a divorce or anticipate it ..it happens and it hurts alot it also changes you .....I love DH in a way I never thought I could love someone .

040508Bride Posted: Mar 04, 2008 09:27 AM

Re: re-marriage?

life happens. sometimes people change, it's that simple. People can grow apart, maybe (God forbid!) someone is abusive, Maybe you marry someone and it turns out they aren't who you thought they were....so in that case, why SHOULDN'T a person be able to get re-married and re-commit to someone else?? I think a shower is a beautiful thing....so what if you already had one??? You are starting your life over with a new person, maybe someone who treats you better or you get along with better then your first DH....I say why not? Start fresh.

I don't think people go into marriage with the intentions of being divorced. Yes, some people (eh hem...J-Lo...) get married and divorced like it's nothing, but for the most part, I don't think that is how most people go about this. I think they get married with the BEST intentions and sometimes it just doesn't work out. In all honesty, I don't think it is something that people should judge. No matter what the reason. JMO

soon2bmrsconnolly Posted: Mar 04, 2008 09:55 AM

Re: re-marriage?

I think divorce is a great thing for people who are stuck in an unloving, abusive, or otherwise relationship. I take my future marriage vows very seriously, but in the back of my mind, I know that if it doesnt work out, it won't kill either of us. I will definately fight to save my marriage if need be (Hopefully I wont have to) but there is no point in being unhappy just because you said youd be there till death. Death will come alot sooner if your living miserably!!