Really Frustrated- LONG VENT- need advice

I'm really frustrated tonight. FH has been working so much, like 9am or earlier till midnight EVERY DAY! Of course when he gets home he's so tired he just wants to pass out. The reason I'm angry with him is this- he doesn't seem to care. Last week he took a day off on Wednesday, I was off Monday and Tuesday- he spent the whole day with his mom! This is not the first time this has happened. He actually told me that right now his business has to come first and get this, his mother will ALWAYS come first! I'm sure you can imagine how I felt after that!

I'm not a spoiled brat, I don't expect him to go out and make millions to support my lavish life style. That couldn't be further from the truth. I'd rather spend time with him! I wish he would just at least make an attempt to coordinate our days off. I'm at the end of my rope here. He doesn't seem to care that we don't spend any time together any more- we don't even have one meal a week together. I keep myself busy by spending time with my girl friends, but that gets old eventually- he gets pissy if I go out anywhere- no bars/ lounges etc! I really need advice, the more I think about everything the more depressed I get.

Amy:
Have you talked to him about your feelings? When we encountered this I sat mine down and explained that we needed to schedule in we time and it made a huge difference. YOu cannot count on spontaneous times when you are working so hard - so schedule it the way you would anything you consider a priority.
I mean think about it, you go to the gym at a set time, if you left it to chance you would barely go. You schedule a haricut appt or a dentist appt. Is time wiht you partner any less important that a teeth cleaning?

I am so sorry you are going through this!


Maybe it would help to talk to him, explain how you are feeling. Maybe he doesn't even notice, sometimes when things get really busy, time passes, and you don't even realize how you miss people.

I think he needs to understand, that he is now starting a new family . You have to come FIRST! He is picking a life-mate.

Good luck!

Don't be depressed! Maybe you should talk to him about it and let him know how you are feeling. I know that sometimes guys just 'dont think'. Seriously though, I know alot of times my FH will make plans with friends on a day when he knows I am going to be around and I think to myself 'does he not want to spend time with me??' but that is far from the truth, its just that he doesnt think things through sometimes. Dont let this get to you!! Talk to him about it and maybe it will get better.

I can't believe he pulled the Mom card on you--'she'll always come first'? No girl wants to hear that. It's nice that he has a good relationship with his mother, but no way should a mother come before a wife.

Have you tried talking to him and telling him why it bothered you that he didn't coordinate your days off or ask him why he didn't think to do it. Guys are weird sometimes and don't think the same way we do. I completely get what you're saying though--the point is that it didn't cross his mind to do it and you don't want to beg him to spend time with you. Been there before! Good luck

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Posted by DebMaher

Amy:
Have you talked to him about your feelings? When we encountered this I sat mine down and explained that we needed to schedule in we time and it made a huge difference. YOu cannot count on spontaneous times when you are working so hard - so schedule it the way you would anything you consider a priority.
I mean think about it, you go to the gym at a set time, if you left it to chance you would barely go. You schedule a haricut appt or a dentist appt. Is time wiht you partner any less important that a teeth cleaning?

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Deb- you're right, excpet FH has gotten in to the habbit of canceling and then saying 'I'll make it up to you.' -which he never does!

First of all - If he's FLAT OUT telling you his mom will always come before you - You have a problem And DO NOT let yourself think that YOU are overreacting or wrong, or whatever.
It's great that he's close to his mom, but when you are his wife YOU come first. -
You need to talk to him

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Posted by amyandeddie

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Posted by DebMaher

Amy:
Have you talked to him about your feelings? When we encountered this I sat mine down and explained that we needed to schedule in we time and it made a huge difference. YOu cannot count on spontaneous times when you are working so hard - so schedule it the way you would anything you consider a priority.
I mean think about it, you go to the gym at a set time, if you left it to chance you would barely go. You schedule a haricut appt or a dentist appt. Is time wiht you partner any less important that a teeth cleaning?

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Deb- you're right, excpet FH has gotten in to the habbit of canceling and then saying 'I'll make it up to you.' -which he never does!

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OK, more hugging then

Your not alone - FH works late hours and comes home and sleeps. We don't spend alot of time together - we rarely go out anywhere. I do speak to him about it alot and he does make an effort. Yoou have to tell him how you feel. Let him know this is really bothering you and I'm sure he will make an attempt to fix. Good Luck Honey! It will be fine. Oh - their mothers will always come first.