Really upset and need advice

I am an 06 bride, but changed my name for this post.

Now, I love my fh soooooooo much he is the best guy in the world. But lately I've been thinking about my ex boyfriend. I dont even know why, because the guy treated me like total crap. he would cheat, never call me. But, for some reason, I cant get him out of my head lately. I dated him when i was 17, right before fh. I dont know what to do, my fh is really close with him too. they hang out and he is in my bridal party.

i dont know what to do, i've been having these feelings for a couple months

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Posted by gem9898

I am an 06 bride, but changed my name for this post.

Now, I love my fh soooooooo much he is the best guy in the world. But lately I've been thinking about my ex boyfriend. I dont even know why, because the guy treated me like total crap. he would cheat, never call me. But, for some reason, I cant get him out of my head lately. I dated him when i was 17, right before fh. I dont know what to do, my fh is really close with him too. they hang out and he is in my bridal party.

i dont know what to do, i've been having these feelings for a couple months

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I think about my ex ALL THE TIME and he's engaged now - so thinking is okay and not BAD. There will always be THE ONE that you have a very hard time letting go of, where you will always wonder what would happen if he was your FH instead of your actual FH. In time, you'll think less and less of him, but I would certainly AVOID (at all costs) keeping a friendship with him, b/c it might bring about old flames of romance.

I agree with Christine, there will always be someone you have trouble letting go of. When you really care for someone they always stay with you, I went through something similiar when I first started dating FH, I had unresolved feelings for an ex and it took me some time to work through it and I did, but there will always be a part of me (very small part of me) that will always wonder what if?

Do you think maybe it's a little bit of cold feet you may be having? Just a thought

i know the feeling. my ex from 5 years ago showed up at my job working here! so of course there are thoughts about what 'was' but i know that it will never be and that we parted ways for a reason.

maybe you need some more closure? i told my ex that i had a hard time getting over him but i am finally in a great place with the man of my dreams. somehow, that helped me alot.

i really think everyone goes through this with their first love. its so natural to feel this way after saying 'yes' and making a commitment for life. however you really need to decide if these are feelings you will get over or feelings that can hurt your relationship. there is a big difference.

all i can tell you is that you said yes for a reason, well aware that you will be spending forever with your fh. try to think about that and think about why you want to get married.

when you compare your cheating ex to your fh i am sure you will see the light.

good luck to you!!

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Posted by ChristineAEid

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Posted by gem9898

I am an 06 bride, but changed my name for this post.

Now, I love my fh soooooooo much he is the best guy in the world. But lately I've been thinking about my ex boyfriend. I dont even know why, because the guy treated me like total crap. he would cheat, never call me. But, for some reason, I cant get him out of my head lately. I dated him when i was 17, right before fh. I dont know what to do, my fh is really close with him too. they hang out and he is in my bridal party.

i dont know what to do, i've been having these feelings for a couple months

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I think about my ex ALL THE TIME and he's engaged now - so thinking is okay and not BAD. There will always be THE ONE that you have a very hard time letting go of, where you will always wonder what would happen if he was your FH instead of your actual FH. In time, you'll think less and less of him, but I would certainly AVOID (at all costs) keeping a friendship with him, b/c it might bring about old flames of romance.

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All the time?

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Posted by Blu-ize

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Posted by ChristineAEid

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Posted by gem9898

I am an 06 bride, but changed my name for this post.

Now, I love my fh soooooooo much he is the best guy in the world. But lately I've been thinking about my ex boyfriend. I dont even know why, because the guy treated me like total crap. he would cheat, never call me. But, for some reason, I cant get him out of my head lately. I dated him when i was 17, right before fh. I dont know what to do, my fh is really close with him too. they hang out and he is in my bridal party.

i dont know what to do, i've been having these feelings for a couple months

---

I think about my ex ALL THE TIME and he's engaged now - so thinking is okay and not BAD. There will always be THE ONE that you have a very hard time letting go of, where you will always wonder what would happen if he was your FH instead of your actual FH. In time, you'll think less and less of him, but I would certainly AVOID (at all costs) keeping a friendship with him, b/c it might bring about old flames of romance.

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All the time?

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Yes all the time! He's engaged to a girl that looks like me and has my name too! He text messages me, emails me, calls me constantly, so it's really hard for me to take a step away from him! I hate it, but we have such history that's hard to just tuck under the rug. I think about him - doesn't mean I want to be with him.

Maybe you feel this way because you feel like there is some 'unfinished business' or something. Him being in your BP probably doesn't help either. Try to remember why you are with FH and not him in the 1st place. Sounds normal...I agree with Nicole about you thinking 'What if' since you are getting married soon.

dude.. I would go NUTS if my ex was in the Bp

I avoid him t all costs because I dont want to deal with it. I think it is perfectly normlal being that you see him all the time.

As was said many times before, there is always going to be someone that is hard to get out of your mind. Especially b/c it sounds as if it was your first love (at 17!). Now that you are engaged it is natural to think about the what ifs, as your life is going to take a major change. It's a KEY turning point in your life and its scary and you want to be sure and you may have some questions in your mind.

YET if you see yourself wanting things to go a step further or you are thinking of him constantly, I'd start to analyze why you are having these feelings.

Remember planning a wedding is stressful and you are going through a lot with families and decisions and money and the ex may loom large b/c he is outside that and there may be disagreements w/ FH at this point.

Good luck!!!