Really Upset....Church

I just feel really down and upset.... FH & I decided to go through with an annulment because we were both raised Catholic & made all our sacraments & I teach in a Catholic School & although I was married for less than a year in my younger days--I truly realize what marriage is all about now & truly wanted to begin our new life in the church.

We started the process in 2004 & I got my detailed summary in (over 45 pages) & all my witnesses' papers in and we paid in full (OR else they won't go any further until they have every last dime)....I waited & waited & finally got a call for the 'trial' the first week of Sept (some 9 months later). I was then assured by people & a priest (in our diocese on LI--not in Brooklyn) that after that it'll be granted in 2-3 months.

It is now 5 months later & I heard nothing so I call & the lady tells me, 'Fr. X is still working on your papers. I hope you realize this process can take a year from this point.'

WTH!?!?!?!?!?!??!

I am beyond MAD and mainly upset. We did all we had to, I rushed sending things overnight mail & now the papers are sitting on someone's desk?? It almost seems like they are doing this on purpose. The trial went awesome & they said, I see no reason why this won't be granted, but then as he walked me out, the priest says, 'when do you think you'll be getting married?' I said, we'd really like to get married next summer b/c I'm a teacher & we don't want to wait another full year.' At that point he says, don't be disappointed if it doesn't go thru in time.

I just feel defeated. We did what we had to, we've been going to church in our new parish the last 6 months, trying to start our marriage off on the right foot & instead of welcoming us, they are pushing us away from the church.

I don't know what to do. I truly wanted so bad to get married in our church in town as we'll be buying a house here soon after our marriage & hoped to make our church our permanent parish.

It looks like at this point we'll have to look at Episcopal churches. FH is frustrated too...he's like if it doesn't work out I won't set foot in a Catholic church again....

I'm venting & just frustrated & I guess also need help w/ Episcopal churches.

Thanks ladies

yeah...thats Catholicism for ya.

Sorry you are going through this. I married Lutheran because of the stupid rules about raising my kids catholic if I wanted to get married in FH's church. To me that seemed so old fashioned that Im out for good

[just wanted to say my bad ]

Oh no, I'm so sorry to hear about all of this Cindy!!!!!! I totally understand how you feel, you want to get married in a Catholic church and yet you keep getting caught up in their red tape. This is why so many people (including us) are walking away from the church. I know it's not the same but you can have a civil ceremony in July and then after your annulment is finalized you can renew your vows in church. Try to feel better hun, the important thing is that you and Ray have each other no matter what. You know the big guy upstairs will recognize your marriage no matter where it takes place, don't let the church harass you into thinking otherwise!!

I think you should call back and talk to the priest who is handling the case. How would the secretary know where it stands? Plus, if you tell him everything you just told us about how you want to settle into that parish, blah blah blah, he might be able to help you along.

I think if you tell him how much you both really want to get married in the church and that it means a great deal to you both to start your marriage off on the right foot, he might push the paperwork through a little quicker, especially since you've already had the trial.

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Posted by cindyandkevin

Oh no, I'm so sorry to hear about all of this Cindy!!!!!! I totally understand how you feel, you want to get married in a Catholic church and yet you keep getting caught up in their red tape. This is why so many people (including us) are walking away from the church. I know it's not the same but you can have a civil ceremony in July and then after your annulment is finalized you can renew your vows in church. Try to feel better hun, the important thing is that you and Ray have each other no matter what. You know the big guy upstairs will recognize your marriage no matter where it takes place, don't let the church harass you into thinking otherwise!!

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Thanks Cin

It's just very frustrating...we did what we had to, we waited over a year & now it seems they are dragging their feet.....b4 the process I was kinda like forget it all, let's just do an Episcopal church or a nice ceremony at our hall & FH said it would mean a lot to him, so I did it & then as I was going thru it I learned a lot about myself & felt cleansed of things that went wrong in my last marriage & just felt like we were starting fresh & how nice it would be to be recognized in church and in our new parish.

I think I'm going to call tomorrow and/or call our monsignor in our church and see if anything can be done...

Thanks ladies.

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Posted by VickiC

I think you should call back and talk to the priest who is handling the case. How would the secretary know where it stands? Plus, if you tell him everything you just told us about how you want to settle into that parish, blah blah blah, he might be able to help you along.

I think if you tell him how much you both really want to get married in the church and that it means a great deal to you both to start your marriage off on the right foot, he might push the paperwork through a little quicker, especially since you've already had the trial.

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Ditto what she said. Remeber the squeeky wheel gets the most oil!!!

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Posted by VickiC

I think you should call back and talk to the priest who is handling the case. How would the secretary know where it stands? Plus, if you tell him everything you just told us about how you want to settle into that parish, blah blah blah, he might be able to help you along.

I think if you tell him how much you both really want to get married in the church and that it means a great deal to you both to start your marriage off on the right foot, he might push the paperwork through a little quicker, especially since you've already had the trial.

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Vicki, I think what you say is true & it can't hurt...I'll try tomorrow.

(Apparently the secretary is the 'tribunal trial secy' & she works w/ the priest--but whatever).

I'm also going to talk w/ our monsignor....thank u.

Just wanted to add some

I know firsthand how frustrating this can be and I'm sorry you are going through this.



DH had a 'starter marriage', which didn't take place in a Catholic church or by a Catholic official and was never 'officially recognized' by the Roman Catholic Church. We were told we needed to get a Freedom of Marriage Certificate (one step below an annulment) from the Diocese of Rockville Center. We started this process (which should have taken 3-4 months) in March and it wasn't completed until December. We were told that it was coming and would be done in time, yet my invitations (with the ceremony location as an RC church) went out without my being positive that we would be married there. It was torturous.

I had worked out a contigency plan, where we were going to convert to another religion (Protestant) or get married at the hall. I was petrified, but the paperwork we needed came in the mail a few days after I mailed out the invitations. I was lucky.

I don't blame you ONE BIT for being angry at the church and for considering going elsewhere to be married. The Catholic church doesn't make it easy. You guys are trying to do the right thing. Keep your chins up and GOOD LUCK!!!!!

wow - that suxs

i think first off i would try to contact the priest (or whomever) again and explain how you thought it would be done by summer and how you NEED it done by summer. maybe show up in person - they are just people like me or you - and maybe if he puts a face to your name he'll move his arse.

if this guy is not willing to move it along - cancel your check and marry in city hall. i know it was important for the both of you - but i believe it is more important to get married. you have been anticipating this day for a long time now, and planning, and saving, and i dont think its fair to either yourself or Fh to have to wait a another whole year.

i hope this all works out for you...best of luck!!

More and more the Catholic Church frustrates me to no end You'd think that with all of the recent scandals that they would want to help people get closer to the church and get people to come back to church...BUT ITS DRIVING MORE AND MORE AWAY Its really sad!

We are having our own issues with my church...it really *****!

That is nuts!!!

I was brought up Catholic, and FH is Lutheran. We are getting married at his church.
Your church is being ridiculous taking that long. I am not a big fan of the Catholic religion because of things like this.

A church is a church whether it is Catholic or not. In the end you will be married. I never thought I would get married in anything other then a Catholic church. Well, I was wrong, and I am very happy with my decision. The church is so easy to work with, and so layed back. It is nothing like a Catholic church.

Everything will work out!!

I don't know what town you live in, but there is a beautiful Episcapul church in St. James. It right on 25A. It is a really old church. I wanted to get married there, but I am not Episcapul. (How the heck do you spell that).

I would continue to call the church until you have an answer.
FH was married once before and he had to go through the annullment process in order for us to get married in the Catholic church. First they told him they didn't receive all the paperwork yet and that was why it was taking so long. Then they checked his file, and, oops, they did have everything so they proceeded with the annullment. Then he wasn't receiving any calls back. After months of frustration (it took about 9 months) he finally received his annullment.

Hang in there and don't give up.

Good luck!

I'm so sorry you are going through this. It upsets me b/c I see these celebrities get their weddings annualed hours after they get married, how unfair is that. Hope everything works out for you.