Rehearsal Dinner

I am a BM in a wedding in October. I just found out that my Fh can come to the dinner but he MUST pay for himself. Now I was under the impression that whoever is paying for the dinner pays for everyone. Am I wrong? I mean it isn't about the money ($25) I am more just shocked by this. The wedding is in less than 5 weeks and we don't know when the rehearsal even is, date or time!! Also the dresses came in 2 weeks ago and the bride hasn't bothered to call me or 3 of the other girls to tell us to go get fitted!!! Isn't that crazy! just looking for opinions on what to say when she does call regarding the the RD. FH doesn't want to go now and neither do the other BMs others, they all feel very unwelcome.

Re: Rehearsal Dinner

I don't think thats right. For my RD I payed for everybody (BP dates, the 3 flower girls parents...etc.) I would feel uncomfortable myself telling my BP that I cannot pay for their dates or families.

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I agree! They are totally wrong doing that. How rude! I know everyone has financial issues when it comes to weddings and it is definately a hard and stressful time when it comes down to who pays for what. If the rehearsal dinner host can't afford to pay for all attendants and their guests they are obviously hosting it at the wrong establishment! I wish people would just realize that a catered or low key rehearsal dinner at someone's home can be just as nice as a formal sit down shin-dig....

Different strokes for different folks I guess!

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I agree, if you have a RD, you shuld pay for everyone. We are planning on having a RD and even inviting all of our guests who are travleing in from out of town, in addition to the bridal parties's dates. We are paying for everyone.

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I have never heard of such a thing! Personally, I would be very insulted. I'd rather be invited alone, than have to tell my hubby we have to pay for his dinner. In fact, I think that if the RD hosts could not pay for everyone, than they should heve limited their guest list to the people they CAN pay for. It is very rude to invite someone, and then ask them to pay for themselves. If I were you, I'd tell my FH to stay home (just on principal). But, that's just my opinion.

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Wow! That's a new one. Perhaps they are on a strict budget and only allotted enough $$ for the bridal party and immediate family members. If it is looked upon this way, perhaps they think it is a nice gesture that they extended the invitation so that the significant others could be there... but then again, we're talking about your FH, he should automatically be included in their count, it's not like he's some random guy you've decided to bring... Very strange... If you're giving them a cash gift, you could always deduct the $25 for the dinner from their 'envelope.'

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Do not kill me for saying this, but in all three of the weddings that I have been in, significant others were not automatically invited to the RD. Just members of the wedding party and officiants were invited. As we all know expenses may be an issue for many so I do not think that it is an odd request that if a significant other wants to come that they pay for their meal.

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I also think it is rude. I can understand NOT inviting guests to the RD, but I do not understand the 'pay for your meal' concept. I understand the expense of the RD and limiting the amount of people to only BP members, but then leave it at that.
Is she under a huge amount of stress? Maybe that is why she hasn't called yet about your gowns.

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I totally agree with ddunne23!!! If they could afford to pay for everyone at the $25/pp place, they should have ordered pizzas to someones home or had a backyard barbeque. In these sort of events, its the sentiment and being together that matters not the location!

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Etiquette-wise, they screwed up by asking for money. I agree - if they couldn't a restaurant, they should have done a casual at-home barbeque or pizza party.

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Was the FH invited and they asked for money or did you ask if your FH could attend with you and then the money issue came up. It is just my opinion, but I do not believe that the RD has to include significant others.

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Well since she hasn't called me she didn't tell me directly but she told another BM that 'of course you can all bring your 'others' but we will not pay for them' . So we didn't ask to bring them. I just don't get it at this point they have spent sooo much money. I also found out that the grooms parents are paying and they will pay for the ushers others but not the BM others!!! Because they are 'his' people and we are hers!

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I think the part about paying for the ushers dates and not the bm dates makes this even worse!!! thats awful!

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I ran into a similiar situation last year. When I received the invite to the RD, only my name was on it. I asked another BM and she said the same thing. We asked the bride about it and she finally 'allowed' us to bring out significant others. Given what most BM's pay to be in a wedding (between dresses, alterations, shoes, bridal shower, bachelorette party, etc), I think it is very selfish to not pay for a $25 dinner.

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Wow - that's surprising. Granted, we all know how fast costs get out of control, but then who is invited should be limited - it's not right to make them pay for themselves! IMO, that's in really poor taste.

We're including the whole BP, parents, readers and significant others to our RD. They won't even have to pay for their drinks!