The Rehearsal dinner is coming up very very quickly. My FMIL is paying and she has informed me that she will be inviting those people she feels is important in her life. She has called it her day and told me I am making a big deal because Im not getting my way. MY FH agrees with his mother. I would like to have this poll and show it to him to see how wrong he is.
I feel if we invite one with a date we invite them all with a date. She feels since she does not know my friends that she feels they should not be invited with their fiances/boyfriends Thanks ladies I will be showing my FH this post
dajc23
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Re: Rehearsal dinner poll please everyone vote
I voted that all the members should be invited with their SO. not just some b/c SHE wants it that way.. Its all or nothing!
SB7308
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Re: Rehearsal dinner poll please everyone vote
All or nothing, thats just not right!! Remind her you are having this RD b/c of YOUR day, not hers!!
LittlePup34
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Re: Rehearsal dinner poll please everyone vote
Posted by dajc23
I voted that all the members should be invited with their SO. not just some b/c SHE wants it that way.. Its all or nothing!
i completely agree !!!
irishsweetheart
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Re: Rehearsal dinner poll please everyone vote
I voted for none but I don't really mean none - I think it should be spouses/fiances only.
MrsQ-in2007
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Re: Rehearsal dinner poll please everyone vote
As a newlywed, I will say this. Anything related to the wedding is NOT about anyone but you and your DH. YES, it is very important to think of your guests and be considerate of them - after all, if you don't cater to your guests as well as your own, then who's to say they'll enjoy themselves. A happy guest makes for a happy bride & groom.
That said, the rehearsal dinner is an opportunity for the bride and groom to thank their bridal party, parents, etc. for all their help and support during the planning process. Traditionally, the groom's parents pay for the rehearsal dinner. That does NOT mean, in any way, that this is 'their' party to do as they please. They are doing this for their son and future DIL and it is still about them. It's also a chance for both sides of the immediate family (and OOTers) to meet.
And you can't invite some people in the bridal party with a guest and not the others. That's completely inconsiderate. Either invite them all with their significant others (meaning official boy/girlfriends, fiance's, or spouses - not just a random 'date') or invite them all alone.
That's JMO. Take it for what it's worth. Good luck!!!!
futuremrsfab
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Re: Rehearsal dinner poll please everyone vote
I think if you invite one person with a date- they all need to be invited with one- just courtesy
if you think about it its the bridesmaids that do the most for a wedding- the shower, the bachelorette party, the dress, hair, make-up.. what do the guys even do rent a tux and plan a bachelor party- big deal
Fall Bride 2008
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Re: Rehearsal dinner poll please everyone vote
everyone in the bridal party including the people who are participating in church (readers etc.) along with a date . Whoever is throwing the party can invite additional if they choose but the bridal party and participants are a must. FMIL & FH should understand that .
bluegreen08
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Re: Rehearsal dinner poll please everyone vote
Definitely invite everyone --- if you really had absolutely no $$$ and couldn't afford to invite the bridal party with guests, people would probably understand as long as nobody else was invited with guests. It would be a little weird, especially if people are in serious relationships, but these are people who are really close to you and they would understand if you just couldn't afford it.
HOWEVER, once you pick and choose to invite some and not others, you are opening the door to a lot of problems. Potentially friendship-ending problems.
My FH is a groomsman in the wedding of 2 of our good friends this summer. I'm expecting to be invited to the rehearsal dinner. If they really couldn't afford it I would understand, but if I later found out that other people were invited with their boyfriends/girlfriends and I was not I would really question my friendship with the couple.
Lastly, this is NOT your FMIL's day. This is you and your FH's day. It is disgusting for her to lord her $$ over you. I am beyond shocked that your FH is siding with her because this entire situation is so ridiculous it's kind of hard for me to believe it is even happening in the first place. If FMIL was really pressed for money and couldn't afford it, it kind of ***** but you should pay for the rest of the guests. For FMIL to actively demand that they not be there is so weird. It makes no sense!
To Bellez' FH: You mother is your mother. However, your mother is being absolutely ridiculous. It's not even an issue that can go either way, she is 10000% wrong here. Even if she wasnt, you need to side with your fiance -- how else will you build a future together? This should be an easy decision -- hopefully you can find a way to work this out without any ruining relationships.
Kimbalina
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Re: Rehearsal dinner poll please everyone vote
All or nothing
skinny237
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Re: Rehearsal dinner poll please everyone vote
I really think it should be ALL BP should be invited w/ a date OR NONE if the budget doesn't permit.
Is it a $ issue? If not, I really don't understand why the BP should be invited w/ out a date.
Also, I don't think it matters if someone is not engaged or married. There are a lot of couples who don't fall into either category who are still in a solid relationship. Ex, FH and I dated for more than 2 years before we got engaged and we lived together the whole time. I would have been insulted if I was not invited to a RD that he was invited to if other members of the BP were bringing significant others.
zoe282
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Re: Rehearsal dinner poll please everyone vote
No offense but i think your FMIL should stop making this about who 'she' wants to invite. It really is supposed to be bridal party, their dates as well as immediate family. Who does she think she is inviting people 'important to her' Honestly, if it were me I would tell her thanks but no thanks and take care of the dinner myself. I can't believe how people forget what it's about....not them! Good luck!
dannisayz
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Since when is this her day??? Just because she's hosting??? It's in honour of her son and you, not her day. What a nutter!
siffleuse319
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Re: Rehearsal dinner poll please everyone vote
The rehearsal dinner is your night to wine and dine your closest family and companions. The setting is warm and intimate and it will be the last time you have a meaningful event with your loved ones as a dating couple. It is YOUR night and yours alone. If you and FH want to invite your BP with their guests then it MUST be consistent for each invite. There should be no picking and choosing. And regarding your FMIL, I'm sorry that she feels that this is her party. That is truly selfish and unfortunate. If I were you, I'd graciously turn down her offer to 'throw you' this party. She seems to be planning this based on pride and need to control rather than with the true spirit of giving. It's just silly for her to think that this is 'her' night. You're not able to change her perspective, but you can, without haste or animosity turn down her offer. And hell....throwing your own low-key RD for your BP and Parents will be cheap and easy for you and FH to do on your own. Good Luck.
PS:
She feels since she does not know my friends that she feels they should not be invited with their fiances/boyfriends
The point of a RD is to Rehearse the ceremony and share a meal afterwards. It's only right to invite the signifcant others to the meal. They are intimately woven in the lives of your BP, and you want to acknowledge the time and committment they have put forth during your planning process. And.....whether your FMIL has met them or not is irrelevant. The S.O. have indirectly contributed to your planning by supporting your BM or GM. It's beyond inconsiderate to exclude them from such an intimate affair. Please keep us posted.
Espo22
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Re: Rehearsal dinner poll please everyone vote
Posted by zoe282
No offense but i think your FMIL should stop making this about who 'she' wants to invite. It really is supposed to be bridal party, their dates as well as immediate family. Who does she think she is inviting people 'important to her' Honestly, if it were me I would tell her thanks but no thanks and take care of the dinner myself. I can't believe how people forget what it's about....not them! Good luck!
i agree 100%, the whole its HER day thing really makes no sense, if she wants a party where she is the center of attention tell her to do it for her own thing. If somebody told me that MY RD was THEIR day and not allow me to invite those i want and ONLY who they want , id be like ok well hope you have fun bc im not going. I think it is very wrong of her to take this approach, and seems like she just wants to throw a party for herself.
Its either ONLY bp or bp with all of them getting and guest. It is wrong to allow some to bring a date and not others. This will insult others and make some feel as if others in the bp are more important to you than they are
MrsHtobe
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Re: Rehearsal dinner poll please everyone vote
First off, FH should be supporting you in this, JMO though.
I think that if you are inviting one person with a date, they all must be invited with dates. I tend to think they should all be invited with their SOs anyway, but especially if someone else already is invited plus one. . . . The people participating in your wedding are those that are closest to you and FH. . .I just really wouldn't want to make them feel like their SO was left out for some reason.
just my opinion, I hope you and FH figure it out!!!!!
mariaobride
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Re: Rehearsal dinner poll please everyone vote
i am so taken back although it is very nice for her to be paying you are the one getting married not her am I missing something it shouldnt be who she feels close with- all or nothing sorry!
bluekat16
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Re: Rehearsal dinner poll please everyone vote
I agree that FH should be supporting you on this.
It's YOUR day not her day. If you and your family and friends don't go to the rehearsal dinner then it's no longer a rehearsal dinner but just get together of her friends and family.
I'm sorry this might be spiteful, I would just tell her you'll hold a seperate rehearsal dinner somewhere else then. I know I'm being mean.
siffleuse319
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Re: Rehearsal dinner poll please everyone vote
I voted for none but I don't really mean none - I think it should be spouses/fiances only.
I wholeheartedly disagree with this. My FH and I were no less of a couple before we were engaged. There were the same levels of support, commitment and shared lives pre-engagement as there are now. Marriage is not for everyone and this philosophy undermines the institution of Love and committment. (Ex: My BM has been with her boyfriend for 5 years...does that mean he shouldn't be invited?.....No way!)
