Rehersal Dinner Ettiquette

MOBLaurel Posted: May 04, 2005 02:24 PM

Rehersal Dinner Ettiquette

We need your help!!!! My daughter is planning her rehearsal dinner 56 days from now. We have the place and left a deposit, but now there seems to be all sort of input as to who should be invited. I say it should be people who are at the rehearsal from the church, and their immediate family (ie. Spouse, signigicant other, parents of the Jr. BM and flowergirl etc.) everyone connected to the wedding ceremony itself. Now the FIL's are inviting out of town guests that are staying with them, Grandmas and OOT Aunts and Uncles and their children.....the numbers are astounding? Then my girlfriend says that 'Ettiquette says all OOT guest should be invited too! Is this so? This would double the number of people that we planned on having. I'm relying on you ladies to clue me in! Thank you all

buggiegirl Posted: May 04, 2005 02:26 PM

Re: Rehersal Dinner Ettiquette

I am not sure- BUT I know we are on a VERY tight budget- we are doing something very small: parents, grandparents, readers, MOH, and BM (no bridal party)

That is all we can afford

July30Bride Posted: May 04, 2005 02:31 PM

Re: Rehersal Dinner Ettiquette

I have also been told that OOT guests should be invited, but if it is doubling your numbers, I would try to get out of that! AND - maybe someone should contribute considering it is last minute, and from the same family? Im not sure - I am having hte OOT people at mine, but that is only @10 people

LFitzy79 Posted: May 04, 2005 02:37 PM

Re: Rehersal Dinner Ettiquette

It's been my experience that OOT guests always get invited. I'm sorry that it's doubling your numbers, is there anyway to get your deposit back and have the rehearsal dinner elsewhere? Or maybe change the style of the dinner, from sit down to a buffet.....I'm sorry. Good Luck

ETA: it's also been my experience that the Groom's side hosts the rehearsal, because the brides's side hosts the reception. Maybe they are planning to contribute to the bill......

dpli Posted: May 04, 2005 02:38 PM

Re: Rehersal Dinner Ettiquette

I wonder if the etiquette about OOT guests being invited was developed at a time when it was really expensive to travel and not many people came from far away for the wedding. If the numbers are so high, stick with just the people connected to the wedding ceremony (and their spouses, perhaps parents of flowergirls or ring bearers), parents and grandparents.

The RD isn't supposed to be approaching the size of the wedding, IMO.

suven Posted: May 04, 2005 02:42 PM

Re: Rehersal Dinner Ettiquette

Yes, etiquette says that OOT guests should be invited.

Once, I traveled with my parents to Ohio for a wedding and we were not invited to the RD. We were very offended.

So, for my RD, we had approx 50 guests. Some of the OOT guests declined because they wanted to rest that night. But, we did invite them.

dpli Posted: May 04, 2005 02:45 PM

Re: Rehersal Dinner Ettiquette

Posted by suven

Yes, etiquette says that OOT guests should be invited.

Once, I traveled with my parents to Ohio for a wedding and we were not invited to the RD. We were very offended.

So, for my RD, we had approx 50 guests. Some of the OOT guests declined because they wanted to rest that night. But, we did invite them.

I respect what you are saying, but there is no way I could have afforded a RD if I had to invite 50 people. There just wouldn't have been one. To the poster: who is paying for the dinner? If it is the grooms' family, maybe to keep the peace, you just let them do what they want....

TEDNJENN Posted: May 04, 2005 02:48 PM

Re: Rehersal Dinner Ettiquette

I was told that OOT were supposed to be included in RD also. Which makes another 15-20 people at our RD. We have about 40 people going to the RD. As of now.. I still have 3 months before something else pops up....

exotica776 Posted: May 04, 2005 02:54 PM

Re: Rehersal Dinner Ettiquette

i have also heard OOT guests should be invited. my fil's are taking care of the RD and asked if there were any OOT guests that i would like invited. We are having the dinner the week before the wedding so I dont think the oot guests will even be in town at that point.

ChrissynRicky Posted: May 04, 2005 03:00 PM

Re: Rehersal Dinner Ettiquette

People do it and say it's ettiquette, but I honestly do not like it. It's ridiculous to have to shell out EVEN MORE MONEY for folks coming in for the party alone...isn't the wedding enough? Now there has to be two parties???

TEDNJENN Posted: May 04, 2005 03:02 PM

Re: Rehersal Dinner Ettiquette

Posted by exotica776

i have also heard OOT guests should be invited. my fil's are taking care of the RD and asked if there were any OOT guests that i would like invited. We are having the dinner the week before the wedding so I dont think the oot guests will even be in town at that point.

Thats a good solution to the OOT at RD!!
Have it before they come!!!!

HearzBellz Posted: May 04, 2005 03:05 PM

Re: Rehersal Dinner Ettiquette

We invited all in the BP, moms, FIL, grandmas and out-of-town guests that are close family or close friends. (no tbusiness associates or distant cousins). We has 32 people at our RD, including myself & DH.

If you are going by what 'ettiquette' states, then the Groom's family is traditionally the one who pays for the RD. Maybe the groom's family can 'donate' to cover their OOT guests?

csorisi Posted: May 04, 2005 03:07 PM

Re: Rehersal Dinner Ettiquette

It is considered 'etiquette' to invite OOT guest but honestly you should do what your daughter & FSIL want to do. If it is going to turn into a mini wedding then no they shouldn't be invited. This is suppose to be a small event where the bride & groom to be can relax and enjoy spending time with family & friends. I think since the peopel they want to inivte are aunts & uncles it is ok but I would extend it past the family.

I went to a wedding in FL last year & about 90% of the people there were from OOT what was the bride & groom suppose to do invite the whole wedding to the RD in my opinion it isn't RUDE at all...how many things can you invite people to.

iffer042373 Posted: May 04, 2005 03:10 PM

Re: Rehersal Dinner Ettiquette

not sure about the OOT guest but I know that I am having my RD the nite before the wedding so I am just including immediate family both my grandmothers and BP with significant others I figure it to be about 50 to 70 people

acre730 Posted: May 04, 2005 03:15 PM

Re: Rehersal Dinner Ettiquette

We are inviting OOT guests to ours, but I wouldn't be offended if I was an OOT guest and wasn't invited to one for budget reasons. I think I would feel worse knowing that the I was invited and it was a burden for the people who were doing the inviting.
Alison

LFitzy79 Posted: May 04, 2005 03:37 PM

Re: Rehersal Dinner Ettiquette

People do it and say it's ettiquette, but I honestly do not like it. It's ridiculous to have to shell out EVEN MORE MONEY for folks coming in for the party alone...isn't the wedding enough? Now there has to be two parties???

I agree that all these people will be there the next day, and that it's a lot of money, the thing to realize though, is that the OOT people are spending a lot of money too, a hotel room for the night and travel expenses, in addition to a wedding gift. The hard part is that it's easy to leave out members of your own family who won't be offended, but how do you know how the FIL's will react??? It's a slippery slope....the only thing to do is try to follow ettiquette so that no one feels slighted. JMO

AnniesSS Posted: May 04, 2005 03:56 PM

Re: Rehersal Dinner Ettiquette

Until I came to LIW, I never knew that OOT guests were invited to rehearsal dinners. My FMIL is having a BBQ, so all OOT's are invited as well as our immediate families.

wood2be Posted: May 04, 2005 04:05 PM

Re: Rehersal Dinner Ettiquette

I heard you were supposed to invite all OOT guests, but I think that is over kill. I have never been, or expected to be, invited to a dinner if I wasn't a part of the wedding party or very close to the bride.

If we invited all of our OOT guests, it would have been half of the wedding guests!

Danielle2207 Posted: May 04, 2005 04:52 PM

Re: Rehersal Dinner Ettiquette

IMO, I dont think it is necessary to invite OOT guests that aren't involved at all with the ceremony. It is A 'Rehersal' dinner. The purpose of this dinner is to get the bridal party together to prepare for the ceremony so on the day of the wedding everyone knows their places. If it is affordable to you than have them but if money is an issue I really wouldn't stretch myself thin because of 'ettiquette'. There are other things you can plan with the OOT guests to spend time with them.

MOBLaurel Posted: May 04, 2005 04:53 PM

Re: Rehersal Dinner Ettiquette

I'm still confused. It is called a rehearsal dinner....what are we rehearsing for: the participants in the ceremony or the wedding reception? The wedding and all the related expenses (from engagement party to photographer to reception) is coming from a pool from both parents money and B & G's. So technically everyone is throwing everything.