Related to the I hate my job thread....Is it wrong to WANT to stay home or think that staying home is what I'm meant for?

The over $40K your wife makes will most likely just cover the cost of daycare!!

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Posted by MizStinker

I just want to say that I agree %100 with the fact that someones partner should be on board %100 with the stay at home vs. work situation. That being said I just want to point out that just because a woman hasnt worked in a few years dosen't mean that she cannot go back to work if there was an emergency situation. Most woman have a career before they met and married - so they have something to fall back on.
Also it is also stressful to be the soul Mommy/cleaner/shopper/cook/nurse/ household accountant/driver/ ect... in a marriage and unfortunatly as much as we fight it that is what a woman is left with at the end of the day - to have a full time career on top of all of that IMO with out a nanny or a housekeeper in the picture will also put a strain on a relationship.

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but once the child is used to having mommy around, how do you explain going back to work

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Posted by BMD'sPeanut

well at least don and boosh have the same thoughts on the matter...but i stand firm in my beliefs that i only want to work when i have kids if we need food on the table...kids don't need fancy toys or name brand clothes...they need their parents...and if their parents can live without fancy clothes and toys for themselves, then so can the children...

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I agree with this too. My kids are not going to have toys all over the house or fancy clothes. Its just better IMO to have two incomes incase someone does get laid off. I think after I have kids I will probably get a part time job.

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Posted by DjPiLL

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Posted by BMD'sPeanut

kids don't need fancy toys or name brand clothes...they need their parents...and if their parents can live without fancy clothes and toys for themselves, then so can the children...

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Easier said than done. Try explaining this to your six year old when all their friends have x, y, and z and he/she wants... and you cannot financially keep up.

But hey if this is the way you want to do it... its your choice.

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That's ridiculous. And I'm getting a little aggravated by your attacks.

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Posted by BMD'sPeanut

That's ridiculous. And I'm getting a little aggravated by your attacks.

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Its not an attack... its a fact of life. You can't expect to make a post on a public board and for everyone to agree with you 100%. Don't get upset at me because I think your logic is flawed.

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Posted by DjPiLL

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Posted by BMD'sPeanut

That's ridiculous. And I'm getting a little aggravated by your attacks.

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Its not an attack... its a fact of life. You can't expect to make a post on a public board and for everyone to agree with you 100%. Don't get upset at me because I think your logic is flawed.

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gotta go along with DJ on this one

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Posted by bluegrl24ny

I think we just all need to respect each others opinions and not take it personally when there are differences. Obviously we all have extremely different ideas about this subject - that isn't to say that one is right or wrong. The great thing about these boards is that we CAN express our ideas and thoughts without worrying about what everyone else will think. This post has really raised a lot of good points, but we shouldn't let it get personal where anyone feels as if they are being attacked. JMO

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exactly

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Posted by DjPiLL

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Posted by BMD'sPeanut

kids don't need fancy toys or name brand clothes...they need their parents...and if their parents can live without fancy clothes and toys for themselves, then so can the children...

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Easier said than done. Try explaining this to your six year old when all their friends have x, y, and z and he/she wants... and you cannot financially keep up.

But hey if this is the way you want to do it... its your choice.

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Its a word, its called NO. Are you going to give your kids everything they want, when they ask for it?

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Posted by bluegrl24ny

I think we just all need to respect each others opinions and not take it personally when there are differences. Obviously we all have extremely different ideas about this subject - that isn't to say that one is right or wrong. The great thing about these boards is that we CAN express our ideas and thoughts without worrying about what everyone else will think. This post has really raised a lot of good points, but we shouldn't let it get personal where anyone feels as if they are being attacked. JMO

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exactly...there are ways of saying things that will allow your opinion to come through in your message without it seeming as if you are telling someone how to live their life....

I have 2 ivy league degrees and make significantly more than my DH. However, I believe it is best to stay home with my children and will do that when the time comes. My husband agrees and we are planning (and saving!) for that. People are often surprised by this given the fact that I have a very successful career.

This is a personal choice for anybody. Nobody should look down upon or criticize anyone for being a SAHM or continuing to work. It all depends on what you are most comfortable with and what your situation allows.

And, while children may be temporarily upset that they don't have the newest and latest toys/games/etc....in the long run....I think they would prefer to have a parent around to care for them on a daily basis...as opposed to day care.

JMO!

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Posted by boosh78201

Its a word, its called NO. Are you going to give your kids everything they want, when they ask for it?

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Of course not. If my 16 year old wants a 7-series Benz do you think I am going to say YES? But I am also not going to have my family live paycheck to paycheck and only have my FW work if 'we need food on the table'.

I personally don't agree with that lifestyle... and if anyone here wants to live that way... more power to them and I applaud them for doing it.

Its not personal or anything... its just the way I feel.

But on the other hand... you damm right I am going to bust my *** working to allow 'my family - myself - wife - kids' to have as much as I can get them.

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Posted by boosh78201

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Posted by DjPiLL

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Posted by BMD'sPeanut

kids don't need fancy toys or name brand clothes...they need their parents...and if their parents can live without fancy clothes and toys for themselves, then so can the children...

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Easier said than done. Try explaining this to your six year old when all their friends have x, y, and z and he/she wants... and you cannot financially keep up.

But hey if this is the way you want to do it... its your choice.

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Its a word, its called NO. Are you going to give your kids everything they want, when they ask for it?

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that's for small things like toys, but what if you can't afford bigger things like vacations or maybe a pool

My mother was a stay at home mom from the time I was born. She never returned to work. I used to think it was weird that she never had a career and there were times I wish she worked (as a teenager) but now I thank god she was there everyday to raise me and my sister - we had a great home life because she was there, not to mention home cooked meals every night!

But luckily my father provided a good income that we never wanted for anything. The thing that bothers me is that I will most likely not be able to do that for my kids. Be a stay at home mom and provide unless we moved to like Idaho. You definitely need to make over 100k in this area just to have a house, car, clothes, food, vacations etc.

I don't think there is anything wrong with wanting to stay home and raise a family. I think its the hardest job in the world. It is not shortchanging yourself - you can always go back to work, get another degree at 40 or 50! If you can do it financially, that is great.

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Posted by Bride626

I have 2 ivy league degrees and make significantly more than my DH. However, I believe it is best to stay home with my children and will do that when the time comes. My husband agrees and we are planning (and saving!) for that. People are often surprised by this given the fact that I have a very successful career.

This is a personal choice for anybody. Nobody should look down upon or criticize anyone for being a SAHM or continuing to work. It all depends on what you are most comfortable with and what your situation allows.

And, while children may be temporarily upset that they don't have the newest and latest toys/games/etc....in the long run....I think they would prefer to have a parent around to care for them on a daily basis...as opposed to day care.

JMO!

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wow -- can i ask a question here without my head getting bit off?

Wow.

Well, it can be done. My parents had very little money. My mom satyed home with me and my sister. We didn't get to go on vacations. I didn't have every single thing I wanted. but I wouldn't have it any other way. I would never want to be a latch key kid. And my parnets would never have put me into daycare. You can definitely prioritize. It's just about what's worth it to you. You can live a less comfortable.luxurious life and stay home with your kids, or you can ahve enough money for the new bike, etc and not spend as much time with your children. There's no right or wrong, there's just prefernece. it seems like some people on here are trying to convince themselves. It can be done either way, and neither was is horrible or wrong. And besides I'd rather my six year old NOT have every toy that all the kids HAVE to have. I don't want to turn my children into mindless consumers, and I don't want to spoil them. Even if we're rich, I'm not going to let my kids know it, because I think it builds character to not be pampered. Sure I'd love to be able to take the kids to disney world, but I think it's better if they save their allowance all year for the spending money, or do odd jobs around the neighborhood to raise money for the new bike. It reaches them that not everyhtng's handed to them on a platter.

I think it's such a difficult decision no matter what our economic status us. If the kids are in daycare or misbehaved or if the house is a mess, no one says 'oh what a bad father' it's alaways the mom. I would never put my children in day care, and I want to stay home with them, but that basiclaly means I can't pursue the kind of career I want. It's a great sacrifice, either way,

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Posted by don424


that's for small things like toys, but what if you can't afford bigger things like vacations or maybe a pool

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i grew up in a household with 4 kids...we never had extragagant vacations...we went to lake george for a week, or rented a summerplace in the hamptons from my grandparent's friends....and we LOVED it!

And, no matter how much we begged...we never had our own pool....that's what the community pool was for!

I think it IS possible to live on one salary. It's not going to be the same life you would have on two salaries...but that doesn't necessarily make it better or worse....just different

I just had a chance to review the whole thread. I think everyone on here makes good points. Its a tough situation and depends on every couple's priorities.

I make a good salary and for the time being, I make more $ than FH. If we can afford it, I would love to stay home- but there are a few things that are more important to me that I provide my children with. I dont think my kids need the best toys or clothes, etc... to keep up with thier friends- because someone will always have better toys or nicer clothes.

But I do want my kids to have the important things- the things that make memories and shape a child- like the best education, a nice home, family vacations, camp... I don't want my kids to have to deal with what I am dealing with in education debt.

When it comes time to figure out what to do, it will depend on our finances. Unless you can afford everything and not to stay home, this is a tough choice for every couple and each couple needs to make this decision for themselves.

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Posted by palebride

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Posted by don424


that's for small things like toys, but what if you can't afford bigger things like vacations or maybe a pool

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i grew up in a household with 4 kids...we never had extragagant vacations...we went to lake george for a week, or rented a summerplace in the hamptons from my grandparent's friends....and we LOVED it!

And, no matter how much we begged...we never had our own pool....that's what the community pool was for!

I think it IS possible to live on one salary. It's not going to be the same life you would have on two salaries...but that doesn't necessarily make it better or worse....just different

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but it puts pressure on that one person who's salary the family is depending on