Related to the I hate my job thread....Is it wrong to WANT to stay home or think that staying home is what I'm meant for?

Original post by btrflygrl

Aug 09, 2004 12:28 PM

DH and I had this conversation last night, I HATE working. DH and I agree that I will stay home with our kids when we have them. I told him I feel like I'm undermining my ability and intelligence because....I know I'm smart and I can do anything if I apply myself, but feel I might be short-changing myself by WANTING to stay home and make a home and raise kids? He said, no....'What if that's what you're MEANT to do? What if that is what your TRULY GREAT at?'

DjPiLL Posted: Aug 09, 2004 01:42 PM

Re: Related to the I hate my job thread....Is it wrong to WANT to stay home or think that staying home is what I'm meant for?

Damm... at least most of you girls actually lived in a house when you grew up. I lived in an apartment all my life. Still live in an apartment... even though its a co-op.

palebride Posted: Aug 09, 2004 01:44 PM

Re: Related to the I hate my job thread....Is it wrong to WANT to stay home or think that staying home is what I'm meant for?

Posted by don424

but it puts pressure on that one person who's salary the family is depending on

i would like to think that that pressure is shared by both members of the household...not just the one bringing in the money.
money is important...yes, can't deny that. but it is not the MOST important thing. I know not everyone agrees with that - I've argued many a time to defend that belief...

marymoon Posted: Aug 09, 2004 01:45 PM

Re: Related to the I hate my job thread....Is it wrong to WANT to stay home or think that staying home is what I'm meant for?

Well, hey, I neverhad a back yeard to play in, and all I ever wanted awas a swingset. That's gonna be the first thing I buy when me and DH buy a house.

And we went on one family vacation in my lifetime, and I have PLENTY of fond memories. You don't need a vacation for that.

don424 Posted: Aug 09, 2004 01:46 PM

Re: Related to the I hate my job thread....Is it wrong to WANT to stay home or think that staying home is what I'm meant for?

i won't dent that there is alot of commitment to raising kids and that there is alot of pressure invloved, but like DJ said what if the one person gets laid off

kpny622 Posted: Aug 09, 2004 01:46 PM

Re: Related to the I hate my job thread....Is it wrong to WANT to stay home or think that staying home is what I'm meant for?

not to change the subject a bit, but...a few posts said that if the husband makes over 100K it would be do-able.....is this really even true these days? I mean, after taxes, if you want to own a house on LI, 100K doesn't even sound like enough to pay the mortgage and put food on the table!

boosh78201 Posted: Aug 09, 2004 01:46 PM

Re: Related to the I hate my job thread....Is it wrong to WANT to stay home or think that staying home is what I'm meant for?

I think it IS possible to live on one salary. It's not going to be the same life you would have on two salaries...but that doesn't necessarily make it better or worse....just different

If I wanted to yes we could live on one salary but we would have to give up ALOT and we would not be able to save any money, hence living paycheck to paycheck and thats not what I want for me and my kids.

What if an emergency comes up, like your car gets stolen or if your plumbing leaks and its costs $5,000 to fix. Stuff like this can happen (believe me I've seen it) I want to be able to know that we have the money to fix it.

DjPiLL Posted: Aug 09, 2004 01:49 PM

Re: Related to the I hate my job thread....Is it wrong to WANT to stay home or think that staying home is what I'm meant for?

I have to applaud shelly for making the best points in this thread.

don424 Posted: Aug 09, 2004 01:50 PM

Re: Related to the I hate my job thread....Is it wrong to WANT to stay home or think that staying home is what I'm meant for?

Posted by kpny622

not to change the subject a bit, but...a few posts said that if the husband makes over 100K it would be do-able.....is this really even true these days? I mean, after taxes, if you want to own a house on LI, 100K doesn't even sound like enough to pay the mortgage and put food on the table!

not in new york

cluelessbride Posted: Aug 09, 2004 01:53 PM

Re: Related to the I hate my job thread....Is it wrong to WANT to stay home or think that staying home is what I'm meant for?

Posted by don424

Posted by kpny622

not to change the subject a bit, but...a few posts said that if the husband makes over 100K it would be do-able.....is this really even true these days? I mean, after taxes, if you want to own a house on LI, 100K doesn't even sound like enough to pay the mortgage and put food on the table!

not in new york

I wish I had the choice to stay home, the option. But it's not an option. We need both salaries.

palebride Posted: Aug 09, 2004 01:54 PM

Re: Related to the I hate my job thread....Is it wrong to WANT to stay home or think that staying home is what I'm meant for?

Posted by DjPiLL

I have to applaud shelly for making the best points in this thread.

in your opinion

DjPiLL Posted: Aug 09, 2004 01:55 PM

Re: Related to the I hate my job thread....Is it wrong to WANT to stay home or think that staying home is what I'm meant for?

Posted by palebride

in your opinion

Of course its my opinion. If it was someone else's opinion... it would defeat the purpose.

Besides... I didn't say she had the ONLY good points.

marymoon Posted: Aug 09, 2004 01:57 PM

Re: Related to the I hate my job thread....Is it wrong to WANT to stay home or think that staying home is what I'm meant for?

I think some peopel sdeep-seared personal childhood iddues are coming out in this thread. Call Dr. Phil!

BTW: I love and respect you all...well, mostly

BMD'sPeanut Posted: Aug 09, 2004 01:57 PM

Re: Related to the I hate my job thread....Is it wrong to WANT to stay home or think that staying home is what I'm meant for?

I can't believe the men on this thread. I would think you'd want to buck up and be men and proclaim loudly how much you would want to do everything you possibly could to support your family...Never mind this crap you're putting out...

don424 Posted: Aug 09, 2004 02:00 PM

Re: Related to the I hate my job thread....Is it wrong to WANT to stay home or think that staying home is what I'm meant for?

Posted by BMD'sPeanut

I can't believe the men on this thread. I would think you'd want to buck up and be men and proclaim loudly how much you would want to do everything you possibly could to support your family...Never mind this crap you're putting out...

DJ, she's calling us out my friend -- you want the first rebuttal?

boosh78201 Posted: Aug 09, 2004 02:00 PM

Re: Related to the I hate my job thread....Is it wrong to WANT to stay home or think that staying home is what I'm meant for?

Posted by BMD'sPeanut

I can't believe the men on this thread. I would think you'd want to buck up and be men and proclaim loudly how much you would want to do everything you possibly could to support your family...Never mind this crap you're putting out...

Who said Don wouldnt want to. Is he supposed to go to his boss and say 'I want to make X amount of dollars because I want my wife to stay home and take care of the kids'. This is not how it works.

DjPiLL Posted: Aug 09, 2004 02:01 PM

Re: Related to the I hate my job thread....Is it wrong to WANT to stay home or think that staying home is what I'm meant for?

Posted by BMD'sPeanut

I would think you'd want to buck up and be men and proclaim loudly how much you would want to do everything you possibly could to support your family

I have one response to this post.

What is the #1 disagreement that couples face that lead to divorce... MONEY (or lack of).

You damm right I want to do everything to support my family (financially).

don424 Posted: Aug 09, 2004 02:03 PM

Re: Related to the I hate my job thread....Is it wrong to WANT to stay home or think that staying home is what I'm meant for?

Posted by BMD'sPeanut

I can't believe the men on this thread. I would think you'd want to buck up and be men and proclaim loudly how much you would want to do everything you possibly could to support your family...Never mind this crap you're putting out...

so according to this logic, this makes me less of a man if i tell boosh to go back to work?

want to make sure i understand correctly

BMD'sPeanut Posted: Aug 09, 2004 02:06 PM

Re: Related to the I hate my job thread....Is it wrong to WANT to stay home or think that staying home is what I'm meant for?

Posted by don424

putting out...

so according to this logic, this makes me less of a man if i tell boosh to go back to work?

want to make sure i understand correctly

That's absolutely not what I said and you know it.

btrflygrl Posted: Aug 09, 2004 02:06 PM

Re: Related to the I hate my job thread....Is it wrong to WANT to stay home or think that staying home is what I'm meant for?

HEY NOW!!! This was NOT meant to be a post that caused controversy...I was feeling some self doubt and I need some support.

My husband wants the situation to be where I CAN stay home because #1: I Want to & #2 Because we CAN manage on one salary....

which leads to WHY we left NY...this is nto possible.

We agreed that if I choose to work at something I enjoy for the pure joy and not the money, it would be ideal...I haven't found that...YET....

But we DO agree that we CAN make a family life comfortably on his salary alone, when we are READY.....his sister does it now...2 kids, a dog, a house and 2 cars...and one salary!

Agreeing with DJPILL, DON, and Boosh....OF COURSE it's great to have 2 salaries while raising kids for emergencies...but that is a choice. I believe it can be done on 1 salary, and WE are choosing that life for awhile.

for everyone....Thanks for your support. I don't feel less of a person anymore

DjPiLL Posted: Aug 09, 2004 02:08 PM

Re: Related to the I hate my job thread....Is it wrong to WANT to stay home or think that staying home is what I'm meant for?

Posted by boosh78201

Who said Don wouldnt want to. Is he supposed to go to his boss and say 'I want to make X amount of dollars because I want my wife to stay home and take care of the kids'. This is not how it works.

LOL and although my boss has a stay at home wife... he would laugh in my face if I told him this.

Actually my boss is the perfect example. His wife is like a lot of you girls on here... insisted on being a stay at home mom.

You know what he has to do to make ends meet... he has a house... all the way in Pennsylvania... and he commutes 2+ hours every day to work. Can't afford to live anywhere else and have the wife stay home. And he makes over 100k and I am sure lives paycheck to paycheck to make ends meet.

Now thats dedication to your kids.