Repost from Newlyweds: Personal Problem, Is There Hope?

I wanted to repost on this board because it gets more traffic. Sorry for the double post:

I am a fairly regular poster on the boards, but due to the nature of my problem, I would prefer to be anonymous. Here's my story:

I've been married for under a year. My husband has many psychological and emotional issues that I believe are causing harm to our marriage. There is virtually no love or affection, conversation or bonding that takes place in our marriage. He grew up in a very emotionally stilted environment, completely oposite of my own, and is terrified of any controversial or serious discussion, or of showing any kind of feeling. He does what he can, but knows he is nowhere near meeting my needs. We've had counseling, and he sees his own therapist, as do I. OK, here is the real problem.

There have been numerous instances during and before our marriage where he has had innapropriate contact with other women, some ex's and some friends and some random women. Nothing physical, as far as I know, but starting up 'friendships' with them and conversing with them on a level that should be reserved for me, as his wife. He is CONSTANTLY on his cell phone, and text messaging, saying it is just to a friend of his. I am ashamed to admit that my curiousity got the better me and I checked his phone. I found text messages to a phone number listed under a males name, though the content of the messages definitely did not seem to be to another male. I called the number, and it was a girl's voicemail that picked up. The text messages said things like 'I Love You,' 'NIce to call me back,' and some other jokey phrases. I confronted him about it and he said she was just a friend, one of his clients from work, and the I LOVE You message was just to get her attention because she was not writing back to him. Naturally, I don't believe him and am devastated. To me, there is no room for these kinds of relationships in a marriage. He refuses to talk about it anymore with me, saying he did nothing wrong, and I am over-reacting. We've pretty much left it at that, but I am very upset and distant, and suspicious of him.

I just don't know how much room for this kind of behavior there is. He's done something like this 3 or 4 other times, that I know of. I am hurt and confused and don't know how to deal.

I am interested in hearing what you ladies think about the situation, how many chances you'd give, and how much tolerance you'd have. Forgive me if this is confusing and difficult to follow. I am sure there is so much I am leaving out.

Thanks for your help