Rethinking big wedding

Irishbride Posted: May 14, 2003 11:36 AM

Rethinking big wedding

Hi Everyone,

I posted a few days ago that I had gotten into a huge fight with my Mom over my FH. She is 'concerned' that he is not the right one for me. Anyway we got over that somewhat but I am still very hurt. Now I dont want to have the big wedding I just want to do something very small away somewhere. I thought that this would be one of the happiest times of my life but instead between his Mom and mine I just feel that its not worth it anymore. FH has no idea of any of this b/c he is away in business.

Please help. I am so sad.

dubliner Posted: May 14, 2003 11:40 AM

Re: Rethinking big wedding

You should def talk to FH about it - there is no need to stress alone - and there is nothing wrong with not having a big wedding - its about you and FH not the parents - do what you want to do

to you

sanmik Posted: May 14, 2003 11:49 AM

Re: Rethinking big wedding

The way you choose to celebrate your wedding should be the way you always wanted it. If you want a big wedding do it. Other peoples' opinions are just that. It has to be very hurtful that you don't feel your families' support, however, if the two of you love each other, just live with the idea that you will one day start a family of your own - - you have other family members and friends that support you and are happy for you. Stress can sometimes bring out the worst in people. Good luck to you.

Irishbride Posted: May 14, 2003 11:50 AM

Re: Rethinking big wedding

Thanks guys.

jenny2penny Posted: May 14, 2003 11:50 AM

.

Irishbride Posted: May 14, 2003 11:53 AM

Re: Rethinking big wedding

Thats part of my problem. I ALWAYS try to please other people but end up making myself unhappy. I really need to kick that habbit.

And I cant stand that my Mom is questioning my choice of husband.

alina Posted: May 14, 2003 12:11 PM

Re: Rethinking big wedding

Irishbride, you should have the wedding that you always wanted to have, big or small, doesn't matter, what matters is whether or not its the day as you imagined it. And as for your mom disliking your hubby, guess what, she is not the one marrying him and I believe you're enough of an adult to make the right choice. So stand your ground on this one and perhaps talk to her about it. You don't want her to become the FMIL from hell for your FH when he becomes the hubby.

kmcwed Posted: May 14, 2003 12:18 PM

Re: Rethinking big wedding

Sorry you feel that way Irish. You are a grown woman, and have every right to choose whatever husband you feel is best for you. As long as you are happy with him, and know in your heart that he's the one, it doesn't matter what ANYBODY else thinks or says. You are the one who will be living with him and loving him, so the decision is yours and yours alone.

I would NOT cancel my wedding plans and change them to a small wedding just because other people are putting in their 2 cents or upsetting me. This is your day, your life, and a celebration of your love. If someone, no matter who they are, doesn't agree with you. Tuff Tarts!

Irishbride Posted: May 14, 2003 12:20 PM

Re: Rethinking big wedding

Part of the reason I dont want to do the big wedding anymore , is b/c she is paying for the reception, I dont want her $ but she will still insist in giving to me but it comes with a price.

smooch Posted: May 14, 2003 12:24 PM

Re: Rethinking big wedding

Have the wedding that YOU and FH want. If you still want the big wedding but not her money for the reception, can you afford to pay for it yourself? Even if she insists on giving you the money, can you consider it a gift and put it in your savings, maybe for a down payment on a house or something like that? That way she is not paying for your wedding but giving you a gift that you can use as you want. Would that work for you and FH?

alina Posted: May 14, 2003 12:24 PM

Re: Rethinking big wedding

If you don't want her money, then don't take it. You don't have to either cash her checks or make her pay for anything wedding related.

dubliner Posted: May 14, 2003 12:25 PM

Re: Rethinking big wedding

Here is a little advice, although I am not married yet, one more week and I will be

Put your foot down now, and tell your mom that you appreciate the offer to help financially, BUT that does not give her the right to plan your wedding her way. In the beginning (8 long months ago) I wanted to please everyone, keep everyone involved - forget it. I was miserable. We (FH & I) took a stand, spoke to his mom (mine's in Ireland) and told her to back off...and she did, and it was so worth that big nasty week of playing mind games.
Read some of my past posts if you like - she felt she was giving advice, but we took it that she wanted to do things her way. Now its clear who's wedding it is, and she has been wonderful. If your mom and FMIL are wise women, they'll back off.

Good luck

Irishbride Posted: May 14, 2003 12:28 PM

Re: Rethinking big wedding

I just got back from seeing her she gave me cash. Which I have already sent to the hall. I am def going to have to sit down with FH and re- think this whole thing. Poor guy has no idea what is in store for him when he gets home.

dubliner Posted: May 14, 2003 12:59 PM

Re: Rethinking big wedding

When does he get home?

Irishbride Posted: May 14, 2003 01:35 PM

Re: Rethinking big wedding

This afternoon.

Dubliner - when does you family start to arrive?

dubliner Posted: May 14, 2003 01:36 PM

Re: Rethinking big wedding

Good Luck

My mom and dad are here (arrived the 3rd), more people arriving the 22nd, & 23rd - thats all

AtticaQT Posted: May 14, 2003 01:52 PM

Re: Rethinking big wedding

I am so sorry Irishbride. I actually know what you are going through. My mom hates my FH and has for the past two years, so when we recently got engaged she is just flipping on me. Its really hard...I never really wanted a big wedding...but the way she treats me sometimes makes me feel like I just want to elope and not deal with anyone!
Talk to your FH, but be careful what you do say to him bec it hurts the guys. My FH is extremely hurt with the way things are with my mom because it is really unfounded.
You still should do what you want. Your mom needs to respect your decision and be happy for you. THis is your life and this is a choice that you are making. If she thinks that this is a mistake then it is still your mistake and she cannot make you feel sad and down about something that is supposed to be such a joyous occassion! If you can, sit your mom down and tell her that you know that being with your FH is the right decision for you and she needs to let you live your life.
I totally understand about the money issue too. I originally wanted an a sweet quaint wedding but i wanted to go all out on everything. Now, I refuse to let her pay anything...and rather am choosing the things that I know I want the most.
Hope some of this helps. I know how hard it is. Hang in there. Know that you are marrying the man that you love, and that loves you, and everything else has its way of falling into place.

Irishbride Posted: May 14, 2003 01:57 PM

Re: Rethinking big wedding

I am so glad that I found this web-site. Thanks for all the advice. I feel better already knowing that their are other couples going through some of the same issues.