Returning gifts after broken engagement

I'm a regular poster posting under a fake name.

My wedding was called off recently. We didn't have an engagement party, but received some monetary gifts and some physical gifts shortly after getting engaged. I am planning on returning the physical gifts (frames, flutes, etc), but am I expected to return the money as well? Obviously I don't have the original checks we were given and would need to write new checks to these people. Please give me your advice.

Thanks and I hope none of you ever have to go through this.

Re: Returning gifts after broken engagement

I am so sorry to hear about this

Honestly I would feel bad not giving the money back. You and your Exfiance should give it back.

Again I am so sorry about this and can only imagine how difficult it is..
We are here for you!

Re: Returning gifts after broken engagement

Sorry to hear that...but I wouldnt return anything back to the people who gave it to you. it just doesnt seem right. Put is away somewhere or just throw it away maybe that would make you feel better.

Re: Returning gifts after broken engagement

So sorry you have to go through this. I would write them a check to return the $. I hope you are feeling better.

Re: Returning gifts after broken engagement

I would return the gifts....or atleast have your parents say...so & so wants to return the gift. Should we mail it to your house. They may then say keep it or whatever.

I am sorry you are going thru a rough time.

Re: Returning gifts after broken engagement

I'm very sorry you are going through this.

I would return everything, even writing new checks to those who gave you money. At worst, they cash them, but you may be surprised that some might just not cash them, in effect, letting you keep the money.

GL!

Re: Returning gifts after broken engagement

I would never expect someone to return a gift that I gave to them if they broke off an engagement. I would assume that the money was already spent. You can ask people if they want things back but I doubt anyone would want anything back. Most people realize there is enough going on.

So sorry to hear this. Take care of yourself!

Re: Returning gifts after broken engagement

I'd return everything too.

Re: Returning gifts after broken engagement

my cousin broke his engagement a few years ago. they didn't return anything. nobody made a big deal that I know of, but he did get married twice after now happily married though,

Re: Returning gifts after broken engagement

I would never expect to get a gift back in this circumstance. It is what it is...you were engaged at one time. You are probably going through alot right now so I am sure the last thing you need to be concerned about is getting up money to give back to people. Look at it this way - anyone that gets divorced do they return the money/gifts they received at their wedding???????

take care of yourself !!

Re: Returning gifts after broken engagement

This is a hard one. I am so sorry to hear about this and I know it must be hard. Personally I wouldnt want it back bc you must be going through alot but some people may. I would ask the your parents and see what they say. If its someone you can ask just ak them. Sorry again

Re: Returning gifts after broken engagement

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Posted by Kricket212

I would return the gifts....or atleast have your parents say...so & so wants to return the gift. Should we mail it to your house. They may then say keep it or whatever.

I am sorry you are going thru a rough time.

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I agree with this...let them say whether to keep the monetary gift.

Hope you're ok!!

Re: Returning gifts after broken engagement

First off, I hope you are holding up well.

Secondly, these were engagement gifts, not wedding gifts. So long as calling off of the wedding happened closer to the wedding date than your engagement date (ex: your engagement didn't JUST happen), then I don't think you have to return all the monetary gifts. If you just recently got those gifts, then I would try to make every effort to return it (write a check to them).

That said, my bro was engaged to someone years ago and they had an e-party, got a considerable amount of $ in gifts and less than a year later they broke up. They didn't return anything - most of it had been spent on reserving a hall and vendors anyway!

So, try not to worry too much, take care of yourself. Best wishes.

Re: Returning gifts after broken engagement

It's really up to you if you want to return the gifts or not but I don't think it's expected of you.

I will mention this funny story...

I went to an engagement party yearsss ago...it was a family member. A few months later the engagement was broken off, nothing had been booked yet so the gifts (money) werent spent towards anything wedding related. Well after the break-up, the ex fiance was driving around in a brand new toyota 4 runner...

apparently she cleaned out their joint engagement account and bought herself a new car.....good for her but we were all like did she use our money? hmmm

Re: Returning gifts after broken engagement

I am so sorry to hear about what you are going through

However, whenever someone I know breaks an engagement I've never wanted the gift back. I would make the offer, but most people know this is a difficult time and won't expect the gift back..

Re: Returning gifts after broken engagement

Sorry to hear such terrible news

Personally I would write checks and make sure I gave all of the monetary gifts along with all of the other gifts just to get it off of my shoulders and close a chapter of a book.

That being said though, I would never expect anything to be given back to me from anyone I once gave an engagement or wedding gift to. I gave it to them when they WERE engaged or married and even if they aren't currently, it is what it is, I would never expect to get it back nor would I care if I never saw a penny back in my pocket.

Re: Returning gifts after broken engagement

A friend of mine sent out a joint letter with her ex-FI to those who send gifts--and let them know that all gifts would be returned to them --- and they could pick up gifts at her parents house or his parents house....or if necessary they could mail them. basically making it like 'if you want the gifts--let us know....we'll make arrangements' that way it put the ball in their court .

i think some people asked for the gifts back--but most did not care and just let it go.

Re: Returning gifts after broken engagement

I would definitely return the gifts because it was bought for you to share with your EX and if that won't happen, people will expect it back. As far as the money goes, to return some things and not others is extremely rude, so you will have to return that as well. Not everything has to be returned at once so if you're having trouble with the money do it in time as you save, and if you're still on speaking terms with your ex you can always ask for his help too.

I'm really sorry to hear about all of this. Things will work out for you, even if it's not the way you always thought it would.

Re: Returning gifts after broken engagement

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Posted by Kricket212

I would return the gifts....or atleast have your parents say...so & so wants to return the gift. Should we mail it to your house. They may then say keep it or whatever.

I am sorry you are going thru a rough time.

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I agree!


I am sorry to hear about this. Best wishes to you-

Re: Returning gifts after broken engagement

as much as it hurts, i would return everything.