Runaway Bridesmaid- to invite or not to invite??

Original post by ChristineAaron08

Feb 14, 2008 08:52 AM

I posted awhile back about a BM who I booted/ignored me.

Well, I spoke to her in Sept about dresses and she said she 'thinks' she could make the date I was going w/ my sis. I never called her and she didnt call me so my sis and I went....fine.

I called my her a few times btwn sept and nov and left 1 or 2 messages..like- hey whats new, etc. No call back. (at this point im feeling stalkerish)

Now, I figure, shes out- fine. But then she sends me a xmas card with a note saying 'sorry i lost touch..hope you can forgive me..a lot going...i'll fill you in when i speak to you..etc' So- i feel bad like OMG somethings going on, I hope she's ok.

I left a message that I hope all is ok and to call me, etc. NO call back.

So, I'm doing my programs and its the final deadline to order dresses (she still hasnt called me back about the BP to say NO so I dont wanna exclude her)

So I call and leave yet ANOTHER message saying 'I know you have a lot going on over there so just let me know if your in or out..i understand if your out- thats fine, but i need to know' NOTHING

She was invited to my shower....didnt call to rsvp.

Now I wasnt going to even invite her to the wedding now..would that be bad?

This is someone who I have been friends w/ for like 7 years..she was so excited whe I asked her to be in the BP, etc, then doesnt call me back?!?! W T F?!?!

Everyone tells me to screw her if she doesnt have the decency to just call or email that she cant be in the BP..I gave her an out and I'm not mad about it. (I got to keep her coach wristlet after all
)

But I feel bad b/c we have been friends for so long and maybe shes going through something (possibly problems w/ her husband and know her FIL was sick) but its been 5 mo. and not even an email. I know shes an admitted 'flake' but never this bad.

Sorry so long

TIA

cbcf Posted: Feb 14, 2008 10:44 AM

Re: Runaway Bridesmaid- to invite or not to invite??

I am a push over and always give people second and third and sometimes fourth chances. Yeah I know I need to grow a back bone I would invite her.

But in your case Christine I would say do what you feel is right for you. I know sometimes it is hard being the bigger person. But in this case you are!! And good for you!! You tried calling and giving her sympahty in maybe a time of need if something was going wrong in her life. But knowing you are a good friend should could have called to let you know she couldnt be in the BP. But I would invite her, but seeing as she is she probably wont even rsvp and come. So there one less person to pay for.

but go with your gut!!!

kristi313 Posted: Feb 14, 2008 10:46 AM

Re: Runaway Bridesmaid- to invite or not to invite??

i think you're fighting a losing battle - why waste the energy? she's obviously not.

futuremrsmultari Posted: Feb 14, 2008 10:47 AM

Re: Runaway Bridesmaid- to invite or not to invite??

Posted by kristi313

i think you're fighting a losing battle - why waste the energy? she's obviously not.

exact-a-mundo.

and if this is some secret-in disguise way of asking me to be a bridesmaid, i'm fine with it. i would be honoured. thank you.

kristi313 Posted: Feb 14, 2008 10:50 AM

Re: Runaway Bridesmaid- to invite or not to invite??

Posted by futuremrsmultari

Posted by kristi313

i think you're fighting a losing battle - why waste the energy? she's obviously not.

exact-a-mundo.

and if this is some secret-in disguise way of asking me to be a bridesmaid, i'm fine with it. i would be honoured. thank you.

no no pick me pick me!!!!

ChristineAaron08 Posted: Feb 14, 2008 10:51 AM

Re: Runaway Bridesmaid- to invite or not to invite??

Posted by futuremrsmultari

Posted by kristi313

i think you're fighting a losing battle - why waste the energy? she's obviously not.

exact-a-mundo.

and if this is some secret-in disguise way of asking me to be a bridesmaid, i'm fine with it. i would be honoured. thank you.

ok- but only if u turn your avitar into a t-shirt to wear the whole day..my aunt Lil would get a kick out of it

ChristineAaron08 Posted: Feb 14, 2008 10:52 AM

Re: Runaway Bridesmaid- to invite or not to invite??

Posted by kristi313

Posted by futuremrsmultari

Posted by kristi313

i think you're fighting a losing battle - why waste the energy? she's obviously not.

exact-a-mundo.

and if this is some secret-in disguise way of asking me to be a bridesmaid, i'm fine with it. i would be honoured. thank you.

no no pick me pick me!!!!

hhmm- coin toss??

futuremrsmultari Posted: Feb 14, 2008 10:54 AM

Re: Runaway Bridesmaid- to invite or not to invite??

Posted by ChristineAaron08

Posted by futuremrsmultari

Posted by kristi313

i think you're fighting a losing battle - why waste the energy? she's obviously not.

exact-a-mundo.

and if this is some secret-in disguise way of asking me to be a bridesmaid, i'm fine with it. i would be honoured. thank you.

ok- but only if u turn your avitar into a t-shirt to wear the whole day..my aunt Lil would get a kick out of it

DEAL!

futuremrsmultari Posted: Feb 14, 2008 10:55 AM

Re: Runaway Bridesmaid- to invite or not to invite??

Posted by ChristineAaron08

Posted by kristi313

Posted by futuremrsmultari

Posted by kristi313

i think you're fighting a losing battle - why waste the energy? she's obviously not.

exact-a-mundo.

and if this is some secret-in disguise way of asking me to be a bridesmaid, i'm fine with it. i would be honoured. thank you.

no no pick me pick me!!!!

hhmm- coin toss??

how about a mini-american gladiator's style competition?!?!

i'm a terror on legs...i'll beat yo @ss....

kristi313 Posted: Feb 14, 2008 10:57 AM

Re: Runaway Bridesmaid- to invite or not to invite??

Posted by futuremrsmultari

Posted by ChristineAaron08

Posted by kristi313

Posted by futuremrsmultari

Posted by kristi313

i think you're fighting a losing battle - why waste the energy? she's obviously not.

exact-a-mundo.

and if this is some secret-in disguise way of asking me to be a bridesmaid, i'm fine with it. i would be honoured. thank you.

no no pick me pick me!!!!

hhmm- coin toss??

how about a mini-american gladiator's style competition?!?!

i'm a terror on legs...i'll beat yo @ss....

you can be her bm if you give me that avatar - it's awesome

Emily08 Posted: Feb 14, 2008 10:58 AM

Re: Runaway Bridesmaid- to invite or not to invite??

IMHO, and I could be wrong, sounds like nothing is really wrong with her, she's just avoiding you. I have a feeling she will crawl out of the woodworks once you are married. I would send the invitation just because, but definitely not put her in the BP (I think you said you're not anyway). I think you just may regret it if you don't invite her. Like someone said earlier, just be the bigger person, as hard as that is.

Toucan311 Posted: Feb 14, 2008 12:39 PM

Re: Runaway Bridesmaid- to invite or not to invite??

I've had girls like that in my life. Trust me - you dont want her back. Selfish people rarely change.

hannahshim Posted: Feb 14, 2008 12:42 PM

Re: Runaway Bridesmaid- to invite or not to invite??

I say invite her then if she chooses to ignore you then whatever..

Mici n KC Posted: Feb 14, 2008 12:46 PM

Re: Runaway Bridesmaid- to invite or not to invite??

IMO if she hasn't had the decency to get in touch with you since September that is not a friend. I would be very hurt from the noncommunication on her part and would not invite her to the wedding.

TrueLoveIn2008 Posted: Feb 14, 2008 12:53 PM

Re: Runaway Bridesmaid- to invite or not to invite??

I know how you feel. You want closure, right? I would invite her and also maybe send a card explaining how you feel. Well, if it were me, I'd do that. I had a friend for years who when she graduated from college (she was a yr younger than me) just started blowing me off. I would ask her to do things, and she'd be like, oh my friends from college are coming to NYC, I'll be visiting them. And then she'd complain that they didn't show up at penn, or that they came but were losers all day, etc. But the next time - same thing. So I sent her a card explaining how i felt, saying in a roundabout way that I would hate to lose our friendship, blah blah, and she wrote mmail saying 'i know how you feel, it ***** when things like that happen.' Didn't even acknowlegde that I was talking about HER. I got my closure ... maybe if you express to her in writing (since she doesn't give you a chance to do it in person or on the phone) that you are worried about her and that you just don't want to throw away a great friendship, she'll get the point? (Unlike my friend.)

Good luck ...

yelley77 Posted: Feb 14, 2008 12:59 PM

Re: Runaway Bridesmaid- to invite or not to invite??

Posted by cbcf

I am a push over and always give people second and third and sometimes fourth chances. Yeah I know I need to grow a back bone I would invite her.

But in your case Christine I would say do what you feel is right for you. I know sometimes it is hard being the bigger person. But in this case you are!! And good for you!! You tried calling and giving her sympahty in maybe a time of need if something was going wrong in her life. But knowing you are a good friend should could have called to let you know she couldnt be in the BP. But I would invite her, but seeing as she is she probably wont even rsvp and come. So there one less person to pay for.

but go with your gut!!!

I wouldn't. then you are going to be waiting for her response and she isn't going to respond, then you are going to have to call her to ask her if she is coming and she won't call you back. It sounds like it's more of a PITA than anything else.