Sad: Bachelor Party

Saturday was FH's bachelor party

Let me start by saying I 100% trust him. I know he would never sleep with another girl or perform/receive other sexual acts, so that is NOT what this is about!

I was fine with him going. I know they were going to a strip club. Before he left I asked that there would be not touching/contact whatsoever. He left at 6 pm, and was home about 3:30 a.m.

Sunday I didn't question him at all.

Last night before bed all I asked was where did they go. I needed to know, for my own peace of mind. He got all angry and defensive as if I was interrogating him. I tried to explain that I didn't care where they went or what went on. I just wanted to know so I could deal with it, rather than an offhand comment be made about that night infront of me and I am standing there like a moron, clueless. First he said there was no touching. But then that changed to that there was no touching that would have been deemed inappropiate. I asked what that meant and he said forget it, rolled over and went to sleep.

My heart ached all night. I don't care what went on, I would rather KNOW then not know.

I just e-mailed him a whole big letter. And what does he do? He turned his IM off on me and said he wasn't discussing this.

Truly, I know that sex was not involved. They were at a club, so that's a lot better then a hotel room or house. I would just rather KNOW then not know!

Am I over reacting? Would you rather know? Or do you think my FH is right and I should just drop it? HONEST opions needed please, ladies!

Heading out to lunch; will read your replies when I return.

Thanks!

Re: Sad: Bachelor Party

Well i guess im the first to answer - that to me seems fishy - im sure you trust him and who knows what really happened maybe he is just upset that you asked him.... i would actually - if this was me demand he tell me what happened so you can either move on or freak out but absolutely i would have to know. If you need to chat i know we dont know each other but ill listen!

Re: Sad: Bachelor Party

if you really trust him i really think you should not question him! seriously you are hurting yourself by wondering!! it was a bachelor party! girls will be all over the guys some girls put the guys hands on their chest as it happened to my fh while attending his friend's bachelor party! so things like these happen!...he loves you you love him and you are getting married that's what you should be thinking about please don't hurt yourself more by constaly thinking wrong! best of luck to you

Re: Sad: Bachelor Party

ok ..well first off im sorry u feel hurt...

second im on ur side with i think he should talk 2u about what happened..esp if u feel upset..he should not just block u out

now in saying that..i was not there so of course i dont know what happened but most strip clubs the groom to be is going to get a lap dance,or rubbed on in some kind of way...it dosent mean he was groping and grabbing..and trust me..the girls who work there just look at him as anothe client....i just cant imagine him sitting in a corner watching...but this has no reflect on how he feels bout u..its just the dumb right of passage most men do...and im sure he was worried if he didnt do it(like get a lap dance)they would have given him a hard time....

so..my advice to u is to tell fh u r upset...say i dont know if im wrong or right in asking u but right now i need to know and u shutting me out is not helping...

i hope this helps u..feel better...

this is just my opnion girls..hope i didnt offend anyone

Re: Sad: Bachelor Party

GINA i agree with you 100% !

Re: Sad: Bachelor Party

I think you should leave it alone. It was his night out with his friends. it is kind of 'guy code' that they don't discuss what happens at the bachelor party.

The important thing is, this is the man you love and he came home to you that night, which means you are the woman he loves. Your wedding is in a few days so I know you are probably extremely stressed out. But starting a fight about something you cannot change, had no control over, and maybe just don't want to know about, is no way to spend this week.

I think it is best if you just let it go. Tell him you love him, and one the honeymoon you plan to put those strippers to shame!

Re: Sad: Bachelor Party

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Posted by gina409

ok ..well first off im sorry u feel hurt...

second im on ur side with i think he should talk 2u about what happened..esp if u feel upset..he should not just block u out

now in saying that..i was not there so of course i dont know what happened but most strip clubs the groom to be is going to get a lap dance,or rubbed on in some kind of way...it dosent mean he was groping and grabbing..and trust me..the girls who work there just look at him as anothe client....i just cant imagine him sitting in a corner watching...but this has no reflect on how he feels bout u..its just the dumb right of passage most men do...and im sure he was worried if he didnt do it(like get a lap dance)they would have given him a hard time....

so..my advice to u is to tell fh u r upset...say i dont know if im wrong or right in asking u but right now i need to know and u shutting me out is not helping...

i hope this helps u..feel better...

this is just my opnion girls..hope i didnt offend anyone

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I agree with this 100%

Re: Sad: Bachelor Party

What exactly do you want to know? He already told you there was no touching that would be deemed inappropriate. It almost sounds like youre fishing to hear something bad. He told you what he told you and I think if you trust him you should leave it be. The last thing I guy wants to do is be grilled about his b-party. I do think he is being a little harsh turning off his IMs but maybe he just wants you to drop it already. I know every detail of what went on at my DH's bachelor party but only because he chose to tell me everything. I didnt even really care to know. If you trust him, I think you should leave it alone.

Re: Sad: Bachelor Party

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Posted by TheLadyJ

I think you should leave it alone. It was his night out with his friends. it is kind of 'guy code' that they don't discuss what happens at the bachelor party.

The important thing is, this is the man you love and he came home to you that night, which means you are the woman he loves. Your wedding is in a few days so I know you are probably extremely stressed out. But starting a fight about something you cannot change, had no control over, and maybe just don't want to know about, is no way to spend this week.

I think it is best if you just let it go. Tell him you love him, and one the honeymoon you plan to put those strippers to shame!

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I agree...I think that a lot of guys feel that what goes on during a bach party is between them...wether they went for coffee or a strip joint...this is the one thing that does not involve the 'girls'...if you trust him just leave it alone. I totally get what you mean though about knowing...My fh had his last weekend and I told him...I dont care what goes on, I just needed to know where they went - it was oot - and also for my own peace of mind....I knew about the stippers they hired for their room, but I also told him no inappropriate touching...listen, guys are guys and its a stripper...its expected for some sort of touch...BUT I trust him and I KNOW nothing went further than a lap dance.....I think that you should just let it be...you guys are going to be married in 4 days and this will be behind you :) Just tell him you are over it and that whatever happened is fine and you are not mad..... and then tell him you love him <3 I wouldnt stress over it....:)

Re:sad: Bachelor Party

I agree with you... it was a last night of fun. Guys will be guys, but with so many people around, nothing happens. Its just their version of fun with the guys. I am sorry you are upset, I would be too with how he handled it afterwards. Just trust in him and your relationship.

Re: Sad: Bachelor Party

I know I am being overemotional due to the wedding in four days and that is what is making me crazy. And I know guys and girls think differently on these issues. But I would rather know now then later, ya know?

He’s been so great throughout the planning process. He looks at my to do list everyday and gets things done without me asking; he shoots me a text or IM to let me know it’s done. We are doing DIY centerpieces and I wasn’t happy with our second test run 1st night and he is spending his lunch hour as we speak running to Michael’s and AC Moore for a few more things. And I didn’t ask. He knew I was disappointed with it so he decided to go so I would be happy because that is the way he is. He always tries to make me happy.

I am just upset over the way he shut me out. I think a female’s train of thought is to tell all because there is nothing to hide. And a male is more private.

I just didn’t want someone to make some offhanded comment like “Oh that girl the other night….blah blah blah” and everyone get a good chuckle and I’m standing there like “WHAT?!”

Re: Sad: Bachelor Party

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Posted by NY2009

I know I am being overemotional due to the wedding in four days and that is what is making me crazy. And I know guys and girls think differently on these issues. But I would rather know now then later, ya know?

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It sounds like you want to hear something bad happened. Almost like you feel like hes lying to you about what went on. But you say you trust him. Guys are guys and they may or may not make offhand comments. If they do, laugh it off. He told you what he wanted to tell you and there isnt any more to tell. You have to trust that

Re: Sad: Bachelor Party

You have to understand that in those place there are touching, but it has nothing to do with sex or anything of that nature. I am sure the touching involved a lap dance. I just think you should avoid this topic if your really jealous, just know it was a one time thing. Did you have yours? I went to club where there were strippers, it was lots of fun, nothing crazy, although I have heard other stories and I wouldn't want DH seeing pics just bc there is no need to get the other worked up, it's human nature to get jealous in those moments. DH did not have one (his friends are @sses). If he did I would not have wanted to know anything, even though I know it would not go beyond what 'stripper's' do. My DH is very respectful and very disease conscious so I don't worry about him cheating or anything. I think you would feel the same about your DH. I kinda understand that you are curious, but you should drop the questioning him. Just remember the truth comes out no matter what.

Re: Sad: Bachelor Party

well i will say i dont think it seems 'fishy' like some girls are saying..i think he's a guy that went to a stripclub...they were probably drinking & he probably got a lapdance or two(which would be the whole 'there was no touching deemed inappropriate')..as a guy, you said u weren't going to care, but now all is said & done & you DO care..so he doesn't want to talk about it. I dont think u have anything to worry about - because they were probably just being boys...but out of respect for YOU he should swallow his pride so u dont have to sit & wonder & atleast not ignore u..

but like i said, he's a guy and in his perspective, 'it's over with, why talk about it now when it's already done'..kwim???

now i am just being honest, but to me it seems like the whole stripclub thing probably bothered u a LITTLE bit from the beginning..and rightfully so. I know some girls honestly & truly aren't bothered by it, and that's fine, but some of us are. I am one of those girls, and luckily dh stays away from them. However, i will say that your mistake was probably saying from the getgo that u didn't care...now he went and it's bothering you. again, RIGHTFULLY SO... i'm just saying communication is key..and if it it's something that didn't sit 150% right with you from the beginning, u should spoke up..because now it's the whole 'u said u weren't going to care so why do i need to explain myself with things that might upset you'...

Now, i could be totally wrong about everything i just wrote (lol)...and maybe u thought u'd be okay with it, but sitting home all night had ur head spinning and now u're not. We're human and that's okay too. I think u need to TALK(no fighting) with fh if this is the case and just be honest with him. hopefully he respects it and talk to u about it. i wish u the best and i'm sorry u're dealing with this i know it's not fun

Re: Sad: Bachelor Party

No, I am not interrogating him because I want to hear something bad and no I do not feel like he's lying to me. But when I told him it was bothering me not know what happened he totally disregarded my feelings and rolled over and went to sleep. I felt like he had no respect for what I was feeling and that I was wrong to even feel like that. All he had to do was acknowledge that, put his arms around me and assured me nothing was wrong. But shutting me out was hurtful.

I acted completely normal this morning, and e-mailed him today. I thought perhaps he was uncomfortable with talking about it face to face. I just wanted to asure him that this was NOT about what went on that nightm but to explain how I was feeling; that I was hurt that he chose to ignore how I was feeling. He in turn turned off his IM because he didn't want to talk to me....it was like a another slap in my face.

It's not totally ignoring me...he text me a bit ago to let me know he took care of somethng with the flowers. I just hope he's more willing to talk tonight. Again, not about what went on, but how I didn't like he totally disregard my feelings. Regardless on what the subject was you should never disregard your partner's feelings!

Re: Sad: Bachelor Party

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Posted by gina409

ok ..well first off im sorry u feel hurt...

second im on ur side with i think he should talk 2u about what happened..esp if u feel upset..he should not just block u out

now in saying that..i was not there so of course i dont know what happened but most strip clubs the groom to be is going to get a lap dance,or rubbed on in some kind of way...it dosent mean he was groping and grabbing..and trust me..the girls who work there just look at him as anothe client....i just cant imagine him sitting in a corner watching...but this has no reflect on how he feels bout u..its just the dumb right of passage most men do...and im sure he was worried if he didnt do it(like get a lap dance)they would have given him a hard time....

so..my advice to u is to tell fh u r upset...say i dont know if im wrong or right in asking u but right now i need to know and u shutting me out is not helping...

i hope this helps u..feel better...

this is just my opnion girls..hope i didnt offend anyone

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i agree with this! also - i just realized ur wedding is in 4days....u know ur fh better than anyone so try to get past it if in ur heart u really feel like nothing serious happened.. a bachelor party is a bachelor party - ur fh loves u.. don't let it rob ur joy & make u uneasy this week. ur going to be married & that's what matters.

Re: Sad: Bachelor Party

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Posted by NY2009

No, I am not interrogating him because I want to hear something bad and no I do not feel like he's lying to me. But when I told him it was bothering me not know what happened he totally disregarded my feelings and rolled over and went to sleep. I felt like he had no respect for what I was feeling and that I was wrong to even feel like that. All he had to do was acknowledge that, put his arms around me and assured me nothing was wrong. But shutting me out was hurtful.

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disregard everything else i just said lol..

u should tell him this tonight while u guys are in bed... just the two of u.

Re: Sad: Bachelor Party

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Posted by jtgarsik

& he probably got a lapdance or two(which would be the whole 'there was no touching deemed inappropriate')..

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Is that what that means???? Cause I had no idea!

And it honestly didn't bother me that he was going! He's been to a few bachlore parties and I know a strip joint was included and I was never bothered. It was once he was gone was when my mind started racing. Since he was the groom I could picture all these skanky hoochiemamas throwing themselves at him, grinding up against him, throwing their breasts in his face, etc I know it probally wasn't like that at all, which is why I had to ask. The wedding is in 4 days and I am tired, stressed and emotional which is probally what caused my mind to think.

Re: Sad: Bachelor Party

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Posted by NY2009
The wedding is in 4 days and I am tired, stressed and emotional which is probally what caused my mind to think.

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i hear ya! i remember two days before our wedding all i did was cry & fight with my mom because i was an emotional mess! just tell ur fh tonight that u love him, tell him what u stated earlier, and try to put it behind u.. in 4days ur marrying the man of ur dreams & it wont matter anyway.

like to ap said - tell him on the honeymoon u will put those 'dancers' to shame

Re: Sad: Bachelor Party

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Posted by NY2009

I know I am being overemotional due to the wedding in four days and that is what is making me crazy. And I know guys and girls think differently on these issues. But I would rather know now then later, ya know?

He’s been so great throughout the planning process. He looks at my to do list everyday and gets things done without me asking; he shoots me a text or IM to let me know it’s done. We are doing DIY centerpieces and I wasn’t happy with our second test run 1st night and he is spending his lunch hour as we speak running to Michael’s and AC Moore for a few more things. And I didn’t ask. He knew I was disappointed with it so he decided to go so I would be happy because that is the way he is. He always tries to make me happy.

I am just upset over the way he shut me out. I think a female’s train of thought is to tell all because there is nothing to hide. And a male is more private.

I just didn’t want someone to make some offhanded comment like “Oh that girl the other night….blah blah blah” and everyone get a good chuckle and I’m standing there like “WHAT?!”

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I agree with you.. Too many times, the dumb best man makes some retarded comment about the bachelor party and then the new wife feels like a clueless moron. But I do not agree that it wouldn't bother you, whatever happened. You keep saying that it wouldn't bother you, you just want to know. But I think it actually would bother you. But either way, I can totally understand your wanting to know and I think he is handling this inappropriately. Luckily my FH hates strip clubs, so I won't have to deal with this. Good luck!!