Semi-wedding related......How do you feel when you find out that your ex has someone new?

Original post by hbradio

Jul 15, 2004 09:36 AM

Okay, my ex and I broke up at the beginning of 2000 - right before I started dating my FH.

A professor that all alumni are very close with told him that I was getting married when my ex stopped by for a visit.

Now he and I talk on email once or twice a year since we broke up but we never ever discuss significant others. He told me he was very happy and excited for me. I asked him where he lives now and he said he lives with his girlfriend....I havent written anything back yet. The reason why we still keep in touch is because we were friends for 3 years before we ever got romantic with each other -obviously it was a mistake!

He lives 8 hours away, our relationship was crazy, our break-up was painful, and he broke my heart - so why am I sitting here unable to think about anything else or do anything else because I just got this news??? What the heck is wrong with me!?!?!?

divabride Posted: Jul 15, 2004 09:57 AM

Re: Semi-wedding related......How do you feel when you find out that your ex has someone new?

I know how you feel. Happened to me a couple of weeks ago. Found out my ex got married. At first I was upset, and not because I still had feelings for him. But I was upset because all the horrible feelings of how he broke my heart came up. I started feeling the pain all over again, even though I had no feelings for him and the fact that I had a man that loved me. Dont worry about it the feeling will pass. Its just part of being a girl!!

Bebalina Posted: Jul 15, 2004 09:58 AM

Re: Semi-wedding related......How do you feel when you find out that your ex has someone new?

Posted by jenniesunshine

I think it's natural to feel territorial about someone you dated, especially if you were friends as well. It doesn't mean that you're in love with him, just sometimes it's hard to picture that life goes on without you. I've been the same way about one of my ex-es and, quite egotistically, I think, he could never be serious about anyone but me. I think it's just the nature of things

I couldn't have said it better myself.
and it doesn't mean that you love your FH any less....exactly jennie said a territorial thing and hard to imagine life goes on without you....

Kriss2c Posted: Jul 15, 2004 10:00 AM

Re: Semi-wedding related......How do you feel when you find out that your ex has someone new?

Posted by kitten

I do not think there is anything wrong with that. You must still need a sense of closure with him. Especially if the breakup was really painful needing to 'finish' things is not unusual. I felt much better once I 'settled' some issues with my ex. If something is still not settled with him...then I think better to face it now then get married and have a nagging feeling that you should have dealt with.

That's an interesting take on it. It could very well hold true. Hmmmm.

dita531 Posted: Jul 15, 2004 10:04 AM

Re: Semi-wedding related......How do you feel when you find out that your ex has someone new?

Usually I feel bad for the girl.

chichila15 Posted: Jul 15, 2004 10:05 AM

Re: Semi-wedding related......How do you feel when you find out that your ex has someone new?

Along with the territorial notion, I think it also boils down to the fact that he broke your heart. It's like a competition. He broke you heart, and now you're happy, and you want to be better off, so when he says he's happy, too, you feel like you're losing! It's happened to me before, too... but honestly, I don't care anymore! I'm cutting communication with alllllllllllll the exes off soon, anyway.

nov04LIbride Posted: Jul 15, 2004 10:07 AM

Re: Semi-wedding related......How do you feel when you find out that your ex has someone new?

Posted by Kriss2c

Posted by jenniesunshine

I think it's natural to feel territorial about someone you dated, especially if you were friends as well. It doesn't mean that you're in love with him, just sometimes it's hard to picture that life goes on without you. I've been the same way about one of my ex-es and, quite egotistically, I think, he could never be serious about anyone but me. I think it's just the nature of things

I agree.... I think it's normal to feel that someone would be pining for you. I felt that way about one ex of mine.... only because he and I knew eachother for a really long time prior to the breakup. I just reminded myself of the nasty fights, and the snippiness to make myself realize that I'm better off.

I wouldn't worry about it too much, wish him well and move on.

I agree! My ex and I were together all 4 years of college, up until I met my FH the fall after we graduated. That's a lot of years together, and when making a list of my college friends to invite I couldn't help thinking that he really was my best friend for those years, and the person I was closest to. It's not that I don't want him to be happy....Actually that's exactly it And my dad keeps asking me about him anyway--he told people my ex and I were engaged when we never were!

hbradio Posted: Jul 15, 2004 10:11 AM

Re: Semi-wedding related......How do you feel when you find out that your ex has someone new?

Posted by dita531

Usually I feel bad for the girl.

You are hysterical!!!!!

And chichila you were not supposed to see this....ssshhhhh........

I am glad I am not the only one who feels this way. I mean I have 2 other exes ( I would say I had 3 MAJOR boyfriends in my life) and one is married and the other is getting married in February and I wish them both the best and I could care less about them moving on) I guess its just him that I am puzzled over because I want him to be as miserable as he made me forever!! How dare he be happy??

FLaCaTaCa Posted: Jul 15, 2004 10:16 AM

Re: Semi-wedding related......How do you feel when you find out that your ex has someone new?

Oye Heather!!! You have FM...from like ages ago. Your account is shot....my FM's to you never come up on time!!!!

keohime Posted: Jul 15, 2004 10:18 AM

Re: Semi-wedding related......How do you feel when you find out that your ex has someone new?

Posted by Boop2704

Posted by CaCRmr

My ex turned out to be 'GAY' so I'm hoping he finds someone. I would be thrilled!

OMG, the guy I took to my senior prom turned up gay a few years later. I hope it was nothing I said!!

I can SO top that!! My first boyfriend ever became a GIRL last year! Quite a shock, let me tell you. Strangely, we get along really well now and 'she' will be coming to my wedding!

ETA... not not NOT the same person i get all weird about being with other people!

Robeymuse Posted: Jul 15, 2004 10:25 AM

Re: Semi-wedding related......How do you feel when you find out that your ex has someone new?

I would be so happy!! All of the exes are fabulous guys (I wouldn't have dated them otherwise). I am friends with a couple of them. I wish I could set them up with a nice girl!

LADYLUV69 Posted: Jul 15, 2004 11:08 AM

Re: Semi-wedding related......How do you feel when you find out that your ex has someone new?

My best friend spoke to my ex a couple of months ago and he was questioning him about my wedding. My ex's first cousins are in my wedding b/c we became great friends. They are like sisters to me. I was told that ex would like to come and he wants to apologize for the past. I told him through the grapevine, 'The past is the past so let's leave it there. I do not want to talk to him or see him.' Mind you he is married!! I do not leave my life in the past.

goingtobemrs Posted: Jul 16, 2004 10:10 AM

Re: Semi-wedding related......How do you feel when you find out that your ex has someone new?

Sounds like we all have the same ex-boyfriend! LOL. I think it is something you should consider and think about only because I personally see my fiance and don't see anyone else, meaning I am blind to other people. Don't get me wrong, I find other people attractive and I also have an ex that gave me the same feelings that your ex gave you. I think it is because we feel like they were a project to us and we never got to solve it. It's always hard to accept a break-up when nothing really went wrong, like cheating, etc. I used to hook up with my ex and talk to him a lot after we broke up and now I keep it to a minimum because if I found out my fiance was still in contact with an ex (thanks for me he only has one from over 10 years ago) I would be REALLY upset and jealous. It always seems like girls think it is ok for them, but not ok for the guy :). Anyway, I don't think it means you are still in love with him, but the fact that you are now engaged and that is on your mind makes me think there might be something there and you should really think about it before making any huge decisions such as marriage.

nov.bride Posted: Jul 16, 2004 10:18 AM

Re: Semi-wedding related......How do you feel when you find out that your ex has someone new?

Posted by charlotte227

like i could give a damn....we said goodbye to our ex's for a reason wish them well and keep it moving....you should be happy now...you have to kiss a lot of frogs to get a prince

I love your quote!!!!