Sensitive FMIL question

MrsDrinkh20 Posted: Jan 14, 2009 06:56 PM

Sensitive FMIL question

So here is the back story...

FSIL has been dying to have a baby. FBIL promised her this year. He recently told her he is not ready. She has been waiting for 3 years. She told me this just before the holidays. So fast forward to xmas eve. FBIL and FSIL were not here. The baby situation came up because FMIL was saying she is gonna take a picture for her christmas card with her new grandchild yada yada yada...so Brads sister (not the one who wants the baby) and I just looked at each other and FMIL said 'What?!' So we told her that it probably wasnt going to happen. I then asked her to please not say anything. She said of course not. I then called Christmas Day and repeated myself..I told her how FSIL would NOT want to talk about it and if she did want to she would tell FMIL. FMIL said shed NEVER say anything.

I felt badly that we told FMIL so I told FSIL what happened. She wasnt mad at all and was so understanding.

Fast forward to last night. I get a call from baby wanting FSIL. She was laughing and tells me that FMIL comes out with 'So I hear FBIL doesnt want a baby?! What happened?!'

I just feel so angry/betrayed that FMIL would say something when I specifically asked her not to. I really want to talk to her about this because I dont feel like I can tell her ANYTHING in confidence anymore. How would you go about this?

Im a Pepper Posted: Jan 14, 2009 07:02 PM

Re: Sensitive FMIL question

This is a tough one. It's so hard with IL's because you don't want secrets among you but you want to know that you can tell them certain things in confidence! But depending on what type of person she is, it might be hard to confront her without her getting upset or offended. Hopefully, she'll use better judgment in the future in repeating things told to her in confidence.

MnM182008 Posted: Jan 14, 2009 07:08 PM

Re: Sensitive FMIL question

Very tricky because your caught in the middle, and she went and made you look like a tattle. I'd be upset, maybe mention it to her in a gentle way, and tell her you thought the secret was safe with her, I wouldn't make a huge deal of it, probably better off to just let the whole thing die down, and don't tell her anything in the future you don't want to get our.

MrsList09 Posted: Jan 14, 2009 07:11 PM

Re: Sensitive FMIL question

I would give your FH a heads up that you're talking to her about it first and then I would just say I heard from so and so and she says you told her. Now you've betrayed my trust and I feel like I can't tell you anything any more in confidence.

The only way to deal with is to either just not tell her stuff any more or lay it all out there that she was wrong and she'll have to work hard to earn your trust back. There's not really a delicate way to handle it. But then again, I've never been a delicate person so i could be completely wrong. Good luck!

And let me say that you handled the situation perfectly and you are an excellent addition to FH's family!

gina409 Posted: Jan 14, 2009 07:13 PM

Re: Sensitive FMIL question

this is def a tough one..if u have a pretty good relationship with her id ay something..not aggressive but just talking to her..if u dont clear the air then u will always wonder if u can trust her..maybe she had a valid reason,i dont know what that could be but id give her a chance to explain herself so u can judge in the future if u could trust her with a secret

now if u dont have a great relationship i would just keep my mouth shrut.apologize to fsil and fbil and say u will never tell her something like that again,

hth good luck

MrsDtoBe09 Posted: Jan 14, 2009 07:13 PM

Re: Sensitive FMIL question

I think this is hard because your FMIL must have felt upset that FSIL would trust you to confide in over her. I wouldnt worry too much about FSIL being angry though - you told FMIL with FSIL's best interests in mind.