Separation/ divorce please help me (child involved)UPDATE!!!!!!

I applaud you. I know the changes you have made were tough.

I know better things are waiting for you to grab them.

All the best to you and your son.

hang in there.
i just want you to know that your son will be better for it- not only will he grow up in a healthy environment, he has a wonderful example in you- how strong and honest you are being!
Good Luck with everything

I applaud you and I am happy things are working out and they will continue to work out GOD will see to it.

Hi, just wanted to weigh in with the legal aspect.
While he does not have any financial obligations toward you, he has to pay you 17% of his income (minus fica and medicare) to you for child support. Also you can arrange for him to pay a percentage of your child care costs so that you can obtain a job or return to schooling for the sake of obtaining a job. Check out his tax returns... take 17% of that and you have his child support obligation.
He can also be required to pay a percentage of medical costs. Do not sacrifice your entire life just to create an atmosphere for your son that will not be healthy for him.
I do this everyday and I see the misery that results from kids getting older and the fights between parents. You are being rational right now, but who knows what the future holds. You don't want him looking elsewhere because there is not love in the home. You odn't want your son growing up in a home filled with cheating and lying. Your son will be loved by both you and his dad so you should not worry about that. Most important is ensuring that you protect yourself from all the future nightmares that can come if you sacrifice your happiness and if you sacrifice the search for really finding the one. Think about it, don't you want your son to have a sibling or two one day?
Best of luck to you and if you have any questions FM me.

Good luck with your new beginning, you truly are a courageous woman. You will find happiness, I wish you the best.

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Posted by AndreaES

First off I'd like to thank all of you for your advice and support, I truly appreciate it. I've decided to leave. I picked up a few shifts bartending and one waitress shift. I found a 1 bedroom apartment in my town. It's much smaller than the one I'm in now but it's big enough for Aidan and I. I am giving him the bedroom and I got a sleeper sofa for the livingroom.It's only $875 including utilities, and it's walking distance to everything!!! I moved most of my furniture in yesterday. The landlords are really nice and gave me the keys right away. My best friend gave me the money to put down 2 months rent and security, and I already have another $400 saved from the last 2 Weeks of working. My ex is not being very nice and enjoys getting drunk every night, coming home and telling me that I'm a slut and that he hates me right in front of our son!!! But I'll be out soon enough. Aidan is doing well with all the changes, and I think that he will adjust fine to the move. What I was really worried about was putting him in daycare, but since I'm only working 3 days a week my Mother is willing to watch him. Also one of my good friends is lending me a car he's not using for as long as I need it which is really great of him. I also went down to the family court house and filed a petition for child support. Things are really rough at home now, since we are officially over but still living in the same house, the word awkward barely seems enough. But I know I'm making the right decision for all of us. I can't live a lie. And staying for Aidan's sake would do more harm than good. Like I said we will all be better off this way. It is unfortunate that it worked out this way, and things will be tough for awhile, but better days are coming!!!! I hadn't decorated the Christmas tree or the house because of obvious reasons, but today I woke up and set everything up for Christmas, I don't want Aidan to miss out. And I'm glad I did, Aidan loves the tree and the nutcrackers I have set up. I'm trying to keep a positive attitude toward everything, and it's working. Everything happens for a reason. I no longer worry that Leaving will hurt my son, or if I'm making the right decision because I am sure that I am. We are not in love, we don't get along, and all the tension and negativity was starting to effect Aidan. Most of all I want to raise Aidan with a clear head and conscience, and to be able to look him in the face and tell him to chase his dreams and never settle and mean every word of it!!!! Thanks again ladies, pray for us and wish us luck. Thanks Andrea

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You have the guts like a strong woman. I will pray for you

I have never been in your situation, but I just wanted to say that you seem like a very strong woman. I wish you all the best and please keep us updated

Best of luck with everything and thank you for thinking of your son before yourself. I once knew a girl who left her husband, got a one bedroom apartment and SHE was the one sleeping in the bedroom and the kid was on the pullout couch. That little thing was so telling that she was only looking out for herself. You are obviously not like that!!!!

In your first post, you said that your ex is a nice guy but that you are not in love. At first I thought that maybe it was just a matter of not feeling a certain chemistry. If that was the case, I might tell you to stay and try to work it out.

But later you said that he's been drinking and calling you names. That's a huge issue and if he is going to act like he resents you and do that in front of your son, then your son will really be hurt. Show your son that you won't stand for being treated that way. Someday you will look back and not even believe that you had to borrow money to put down for an apartment!

I'd say get a lawyer for the child support issue. It's never really so cut and dry and you need to be ready to discuss the custody and visitation issues. The problem is affording a lawyer, and I have no advice for that. It's so costly! But like I said, it will work out!!!!!

Hi,
If money is an issue, you can get free representation at family court by law students doing family court clinic internships. i know that suffolk county has this.

my fh did this when he was in law school.

good luck!

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Posted by evnme

Hi,
If money is an issue, you can get free representation at family court by law students doing family court clinic internships. i know that suffolk county has this.

my fh did this when he was in law school.

good luck!

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Custody, visitation and child support are way too important to leave in the hands of people that have been in law school for two years (i am not saying they are incompetent, i am just saying experience and knowledge come with time). This is your life and the cost in the long run is sooooo worth it. Find a way, you could get a decent lawyer for not a huge amount but leaving your life in the hands of people that are using you as a learning experience... not a good idea. If you had cancer, would you go to a medical student? No, go with someone who has some experience and knows what you can get. call your local bar association, they will give you some recommendations. Do a little research on martindale.com for lawyers in your area. If you call one and htye are too expensive, they will usually refer you to a one that is much less expensive.
I am in Nassau and if you want some recs FM me, otherwise call Suffolk Bar Assoc and get some recs. Good luck.