serious question **update.. added something haha**

serious question **update.. added something haha**

if having kids was something you were dead set on. and FH decided he did want any, what would you do?

Fh just told me he decided he doesnt want to have anymore kids. He has a 5 year old son.

we've discussed this 100 times, even picked out names. and now he's telling me this. This on top of everything else is giving me second thoughts. Kids is a big deal to me, i'm dying to have a baby. I've 100% got baby fevor. I'm like beside myself over this.

so what would you do if FH told you, he didnt want a baby and you were dead set on having one. Would it be a deal breaker for you?

he says the reason why is b/c he didnt realize how demanding his job would be. he recently got promoted. and i always work late and weekends. so he said it wouldnt be fair.

ooo and.. he told me this on Wed of last week. we just had a long talk about it, but it definatly came up before i decieded to move back home with my parents.


**Update** so i spoke to my MOH and kind of mentioned that Fh and i are fighting hardcore and she said 'well you better not call of the wedding or i'll be pissed., i mean we just put the deposit down on our dresses, not to mention all the deposits you guys put down' ugh. not that i'm thinking of calling of the wedding, but now its good to know that i will have NO support from my friends if i do. shoot me.

Re: serious question

Honestly, I am in a similar situation. I don't want kids and FH does. He said I have to have at least one. I think I will want one eventually but it's not on my mind right now. People often change their minds about this. I don't think this should break up the marriage but I would talk about this further. Find out what his reasoning is. Maybe there is more to it.

Re: serious question

Im not going to say what I would do...because it may cause drama but....id get my baby

Edited: for fear of getting arrested for 'sperm jacking' lol

I just meant It would probably be a deal breaker and I would leave him... I just didnt want to start drama :)

Re: serious question

Re: serious question

Re: serious question

aww i'm sorry ! I think that if someone does not want children and you are dead set on having them, marrying that person something that you might want to re-think. Not saying that he won't change his mind down the line but to spring that subject with everything that has been going on is a little sensitive and out of the blue. I think you should sit down with him and have a serious talk. Maybe even write him a letter because you will have more time to think about things and you can write what you feel and you tend not to forget things. That's what I would do. I HTH and Good Luck!! i hope i didn't upset you!

ETA: You have to do what is right for you, I know that you love him but is this really something that you can live with?

Re: serious question

I don't know what I would do. Our only debate is having 2 or 3 kids. I really want kids and I can not wait to have a baby. If he didn't want one and was not going to change his mind even after we were married I'm not sure I would marry him to be honest.

Re: serious question

What has made him come to that decision when previously he said he wanted a child with you. Having a 5 year old already should not be the reason. I would discuss the issue with him again to see if you can get a better answer. For some reason I feel with the situation you guys are having now maybe he is scared in future that you guys may not be able to afford another child. Not taking into consideration that you Financial situtation will change for the better in the future when you guys are married.

Re: serious question

I can't say exactly what I would I do, because I feel that you really have to be in that situation before you make a judgment, however, I really want kids...and that's not something I am willing to compromise, so it would definitely be a huge factor in my decision to break it off.


I think you should have a serious talk with him, and find out why he all of a sudden changed his mind. And also be brutaly honest with him...tell him how you feel, and that since he has his own child, you also want a child of your own. Marriage is about compromise.

Good luck with everything.

Re: serious question

Re: serious question

I dont know what I would do either, I think you need to have a serious chat with him as to why he changed his mind about having kids. Did something happen? Does he think he wont be able to afford supporting a bigger family?

I think I would be devastated if FH said that to me bc all I talk about is having kids and what our kids are going to look like

This definitely needs to be discussed before the wedding....good luck with everything

Re: serious question

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Posted by lookitscassie

if having kids was something you were dead set on. and FH decided he did want any, what would you do?

Fh just told me he decided he doesnt want to have anymore kids. He has a 5 year old son.

we've discussed this 100 times, even picked out names. and now he's telling me this. This on top of everything else is giving me second thoughts. Kids is a big deal to me, i'm dying to have a baby. I've 100% got baby fevor. I'm like beside myself over this.

so what would you do if FH told you, he didnt want a baby and you were dead set on having one. Would it be a deal breaker for you?

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I'm sorry. That is a disappointment. Especially if he told you he wanted to have more and is now changing his mind. Maybe he will come around knowing that it is important to you to have a child with him. That really is a tough one! All I can say for now is keep your head up and hopefully he will change his mind.

Re: serious question

i really want to be a mother & if FH turned around and told me that he didn't want kids, that would probably be a deal breaker for me. but then again, he might change his mind.

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All i ever wanted was a big family... If the fh said that he didnt i would really think the whole marriage thing...I wonder what made him change his mind so far in the game when he was ready before... maybe you should try asking

Re: serious question

That is really hard... definitely one of the few things that I think could be a deal breaker for me.

But since at one point he did want more kids I would try to figure out what was going on, I think it would be different if he had always said he didn't want any.

Good luck!

Re: serious question

I would talk to him some more about it. You guys are going through a lot right now....aren't you moving back home? It might just be a lot for him right now and I can understand him not wanting them right now and maybe he just isn't explaining himself fully. He may just be stressed and freaked out a bit. I would just sit down and talk about it and maybe its something he doesn't want anytime soon.

Re: serious question

Re: serious question

i hate to be so blunt...but it would for me. If being a mother is important to you...you deserve to have thyat. Do u think you would regret not having children? If the answer is yes-you and ur DH need to discuss this now.

Re: serious question

It would probably be a dealbreaker for me. I really want a child someday and I want to be with a man who is eager and willing to be a family guy. FH and I won't have kids until we are near our mid thirties I think. He wants to wait and that I can live with. Those values trump any great love for me, but , then again, I will not be getting a stepchild. If I were, maybe I would be ok, I am note sure.

Re: serious question

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Posted by MrsFazz2B

Im not going to say what I would do...because it may cause drama but....id get my baby

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Thats what I'm sayin!!!

Personally, I'm not even sure that I want kids so no it wouldnt be a deal breaker for me. But if I was dead set on having kids and he was dead set on not having kids, It would definitly be a deal breaker.
I hope everything works out