serious question **update.. added something haha**

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Posted by MrsFazz2B

okay now that other people have said it,and it hasnt caused any trouble....

I would sit down and talk to him and basically tell him how it is. Either, he wants one or he doesnt. If he doesnt, then I would find myself a man who would make me happy and want a baby....

I mean he's a father already, so what is the reason? where has it come from?

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Lol that is soooo not what I thought you meant before... I had images of like sperm jacking and stuff.

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Posted by chicky824

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Posted by MrsFazz2B

okay now that other people have said it,and it hasnt caused any trouble....

I would sit down and talk to him and basically tell him how it is. Either, he wants one or he doesnt. If he doesnt, then I would find myself a man who would make me happy and want a baby....

I mean he's a father already, so what is the reason? where has it come from?

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Lol that is soooo not what I thought you meant before... I had images of like sperm jacking and stuff.

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I thought like go off the pill and not tell him...thats what I'd do.

If he was 100% he didnt want to have kids, (I mean, he is not 'thinking about it'...he is sure he doesnt want kids) I would seriously re-consider.

I dont want to start any drama, but if he was 'hmm... I 'think' I dont want any more kids...'...then I would 'accidentally' get pregnant.

But if he feels very strongly about this, then the 2 of you need to sit down and have a talk about having kids. Tell him that you def. want them. If he is willing to give in to make you happy then its progress and you are in the clear. But if he tells you No, and has the b a l l s to tell you that maybe you need to be w. someone that does....then you know what to do.

Best of luck sweety. This is a tough one. Keep us posted.

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Posted by GT143EA

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Posted by chicky824

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Posted by MrsFazz2B

okay now that other people have said it,and it hasnt caused any trouble....

I would sit down and talk to him and basically tell him how it is. Either, he wants one or he doesnt. If he doesnt, then I would find myself a man who would make me happy and want a baby....

I mean he's a father already, so what is the reason? where has it come from?

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Lol that is soooo not what I thought you meant before... I had images of like sperm jacking and stuff.

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I thought like go off the pill and not tell him...thats what I'd do.

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OMGG hhahaaahahahaaaaaa
I didnt realize!!!ooops..I should go edit that...
No, Once something was said to another person on here about what they should do, and someone said to leave the person and drama started..

If I wanted a baby, its going to be hard enough as it is for me... so if all of a sudden fh didnt want it... I would leave. It took me long enough to admit i wanted one and that is something now, I know I want and cant wait for.

something like that is a deal breaker to me. family choices are a HUGE issue and if you want one and he doesn't.....that can lead to so much resent later.

you really need to sit down and talk about this--because you need to be sure you are on the same page with things, otherwise it could leave to starting a marriage with 2 strikes against you!

thank you girls for being so honest! that is exactly what i needed. I'm going to see how things play out. I told him we need to sit down and seriously discuss this b/c its a huge deal breaker for me. And if we cant make things work, then maybe us not living together more is going to be a great thing for both of us. I just would much rather know this now then when i put down my last $1000 deposit on CLM next month!


also.. i was looking through my contracts last night. did you know with burtons you have to pay them 30% of whatever your contract is if you cancel the wedding.
thats crazyness.

I agree with what a lot of the other girls have said. I understand why your FH feels this way since he already has a child and has known that joy. But for a woman it is something that she needs. It's what we were made for really. For me, it would be a deal breaker. I would sit down and have a very serious chat with him. No ultimatums or anything like that and be sure to validate his feelings but also be sure he knows what this means for you. I hope it works out for you. I know you have been going through a rough spot right now. How did your FH take you going back to your parents? Is he ok with that? Do you think this comment about kids came from being upset that you moved out for a bit? I am here if you need me!!

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Posted by Jsquared279

I agree with what a lot of the other girls have said. I understand why your FH feels this way since he already has a child and has known that joy. But for a woman it is something that she needs. It's what we were made for really. For me, it would be a deal breaker. I would sit down and have a very serious chat with him. No ultimatums or anything like that and be sure to validate his feelings but also be sure he knows what this means for you. I hope it works out for you. I know you have been going through a rough spot right now. How did your FH take you going back to your parents? Is he ok with that? Do you think this comment about kids came from being upset that you moved out for a bit? I am here if you need me!!

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he was ok with me moving back in with my parents b/c he understands and respects my reasons. I've felt very guilty over the last year not being with my dad and i've been really depressed b/c of it. so he thinks its the right thing. he made this comment about kids on wed. and i didnt tell him til fri that we were moving out. i am just so heartbroken about this. i dont even know what to do. we definatly need to talk about it more before we call off the wedding or anything but it kills me the amount of $$ and time we've spent planning this wedding and now he pulls this bullshiiit.

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Posted by lookitscassie

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Posted by Jsquared279

I agree with what a lot of the other girls have said. I understand why your FH feels this way since he already has a child and has known that joy. But for a woman it is something that she needs. It's what we were made for really. For me, it would be a deal breaker. I would sit down and have a very serious chat with him. No ultimatums or anything like that and be sure to validate his feelings but also be sure he knows what this means for you. I hope it works out for you. I know you have been going through a rough spot right now. How did your FH take you going back to your parents? Is he ok with that? Do you think this comment about kids came from being upset that you moved out for a bit? I am here if you need me!!

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he was ok with me moving back in with my parents b/c he understands and respects my reasons. I've felt very guilty over the last year not being with my dad and i've been really depressed b/c of it. so he thinks its the right thing. he made this comment about kids on wed. and i didnt tell him til fri that we were moving out. i am just so heartbroken about this. i dont even know what to do. we definatly need to talk about it more before we call off the wedding or anything but it kills me the amount of $$ and time we've spent planning this wedding and now he pulls this bullshiiit.

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I 100% agree. He should have told you this either when or before he proposed. I hope it goes better than you are expecting when you speak to him about this! You are in my thoughts and prayers!

Wow. I have to say, that's huge. I think it's the one thing you really have to be on the same page about. If my FH didn't want any, I might still get married because I'm not 100% there and I'm also going to be 36. If he changed his mind, we could adopt later on.

But, if this were a few years ago, I would have not married someone who didn't want kids, because I was 100% about it when i was younger.

Even as I write this, I tend to think I'd have to back out, because even though I'm not 100%, I'm not less than 90!!!!

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Posted by lanamanitta

Wow. I have to say, that's huge. I think it's the one thing you really have to be on the same page about. If my FH didn't want any, I might still get married because I'm not 100% there and I'm also going to be 36. If he changed his mind, we could adopt later on.

But, if this were a few years ago, I would have not married someone who didn't want kids, because I was 100% about it when i was younger.

Even as I write this, I tend to think I'd have to back out, because even though I'm not 100%, I'm not less than 90!!!!

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i can understand that but i'm 25! and i know 100% that i am dyinnnng to be a mama!! lol

wow...way to be supportive to such a sensitive situation...i hope she was joking

please do not let stupid comment infuence such an important decision. good luck

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Posted by FutureMrsC

wow...way to be supportive to such a sensitive situation...i hope she was joking

please do not let stupid comment infuence such an important decision. good luck

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what sucksss is she was dead assss serious. nice right? way to make my day better lol.

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Posted by lookitscassie

Would it be a deal breaker for you?

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absolutely.

otherwise i know for a fact that i would harbor resentment and the relationship would thus be doomed. you should def sit down and talk about what the concerns are exactly (i.e. work stress, schedules, etc.) maybe if you can find away to allay his fears, he'll change his mind. i normally wouldn't propose changing your man as a good strategy, but in this case it sounds more like he's overwhelmed and less like he's anti-fatherhood.

hth

I can't believe your friend would say that!! Well atleast you know we are here to support you!

Definitely a deal breaker... for me anyway

Hope everything works out for you!