I am a frequent poster on here but I want to write this under another name because I am really embarrased.
I am seriously thinking about calling my wedding off and have thought about this for a while. My FH and I have been having major problems for a while due to many things. Tonight I am home alone as he is out with his friends.
I honestly can't stand him anymore and the thought of spending the rest of my life with him makes me very worried.
I have told him how I feel but he doesn't want to here it and thinks I am overeacting and thinks that once other things fall into place that 'we' will be ok. I don't think that this is true.
I don't know if I should take a break from him and then start canceling things and telling people that its over. WE are supposed to be getting married in 2006.
johnsae
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Re: Seriously considering calling this wedding OFF
the fact that you say you can't stand him and that it worries you to think about spending the rest of your life with him makes me say cancel the wedding.....you certainly shouldn't be feeling like this towards the person you are engaged to....it should be a very happy time and not a time that you should be doubting yourself. save yourself a lot of money and a lot of heartache and break off the engagement before you find yourself in a marriage that you shouldn't be in. jmo - good luck!
doubtsfor06
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Re: Seriously considering calling this wedding OFF
Posted by johnsae
the fact that you say you can't stand him and that it worries you to think about spending the rest of your life with him makes me say cancel the wedding.....you certainly shouldn't be feeling like this towards the person you are engaged to....it should be a very happy time and not a time that you should be doubting yourself. save yourself a lot of money and a lot of heartache and break off the engagement before you find yourself in a marriage that you shouldn't be in. jmo - good luck!
This is what I am thinking about doing I feel terrible that we have spent so much money already and my parents have spent so much money already!
I don't think this is the person for me though. And I kick myself for wasting all of this time and moneyy
jenny26
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Re: Seriously considering calling this wedding OFF
I know someone who called off their wedding 6 months before. After calling it off, future husband realized what he was missing and started to change some of his ways, they then got engaged again and got married four months after they got back together. They have been married for 10 years now and are very happy. They just needed time. It takes a very brave perosn, to step back and look at the situation. Best wishes.
doubtsfor06
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Re: Seriously considering calling this wedding OFF
Posted by jenny26
I know someone who called off their wedding 6 months before. After calling it off, future husband realized what he was missing and started to change some of his ways, they then got engaged again and got married four months after they got back together. They have been married for 10 years now and are very happy. They just needed time. It takes a very brave perosn, to step back and look at the situation. Best wishes.
I am not sure if we should take a break for a while and then reassess things or just call it off all together
JanuaryBride06
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Re: Seriously considering calling this wedding OFF
At this point, you can't think about the money spent. Yes, that makes it really, really difficult to cancel, but what if you go through with it? Will you end up being divorced quickly? That just means more money lost and more heartache.
The fact that your FH doesn't listen to you when you tell him how you feel is indicative of some of the problems you have with him. I think that if you are having such major doubts, it is for the best to cancel.
I'm sorry that you're having such a difficult time. I wish you the best
doubtsfor06
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Re: Seriously considering calling this wedding OFF
Posted by JanuaryBride06
At this point, you can't think about the money spent. Yes, that makes it really, really difficult to cancel, but what if you go through with it? Will you end up being divorced quickly? That just means more money lost and more heartache.
The fact that your FH doesn't listen to you when you tell him how you feel is indicative of some of the problems you have with him. I think that if you are having such major doubts, it is for the best to cancel.
I'm sorry that you're having such a difficult time. I wish you the best
Thanks...
doubtsfor06
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Re: Seriously considering calling this wedding OFF
Anyone have any ideas on how I go about telling people that the wedding is off...my mother knows how I feel..she sees me upset all the time. Is there an official announcement that needs to be made???? We have already sent out our save the dates
ANd then I need to cancel everything else we have booked and return gifts as well
evnme
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Re: Seriously considering calling this wedding OFF
JanuaryBride06
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Re: Seriously considering calling this wedding OFF
Posted by doubtsfor06
Anyone have any ideas on how I go about telling people that the wedding is off...my mother knows how I feel..she sees me upset all the time. Is there an official announcement that needs to be made???? We have already sent out our save the dates
ANd then I need to cancel everything else we have booked and return gifts as well
How do you feel comfortable doing it? Would you rather send out something formal or do you feel up to telling people yourself (or asking your mom and even FH to help)?
I can't find any serious announcements that you can send; I can only find one that tries to spin something like this into a funny situation and I don't think that's what you're looking for.
Again, I want to say that I'm sorry an give you more
thefirstlady
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Re: Seriously considering calling this wedding OFF
First of all, I think you should definitly tell him that you are considering calling it off, and see what his reaction is then. That might open his eyes to how seriously unhappy you are. We went through a rough spot a few months ago, and we talked it out and everythings ok now. But I realized that it was ME . I was afraid, getting cold feet before we even planned anything. And it was changing my whole personality. So DON'T be embarrassed, it happens to the best of us. And be grateful you are realizing this now, instead of being like my friend who got married 3 yrs ago, and now will be divorced at 28. It's not uncommon to call off an engagement or a wedding, I have a cousin who did, and everyone I talked to during my rough time came up w/ at least one person they know who did. Here is an article that might help you if you decide to call it off. I hope you get everything sorted out, and feel better soon. I'm sorry that you have to go through this, it hurts. But you'll be ok! It's not the end of the world, it may be a beginning for you. Good luck! theknot.com/ch_qaarticle.html?Object=AI980914201129&quest=CALLING%20IT%20OFF&channel=&keyword=&subchannel=
gNi1125
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Re: Seriously considering calling this wedding OFF
I'm so sorry you are going through this. You are obviously unhappy and you deserve better. Money can be re-earned. It sounds like it's one of the only things holding you back right now and it's definitely not a good reason for you to go through with this. On another note, I'm glad you have shared with your family how you feel before you officially called it off. As for how to cancel, do what makes you feel comfortable...my cousin just called off his engagement...but they just spread the word through the family. Everything will be okay no matter what you decide. Take care of yourself...we are here for you
sarahthegreat
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Re: Seriously considering calling this wedding OFF
if you have so much doubt, i would speak to your fh seriously about this first, as others on here have suggested. if he still does not listen, i'd tell him that its off. sounds harsh i know but that slap of reality made be just what he needs...good luck with whatever you decide to do
mccarm
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Re: Seriously considering calling this wedding OFF
Another thing to realize is that to a certain extent, marriage doesn't change anything. You are still the same two people and your relationship dynamics will still be the same. He isn't going to change into a different person for you just like you aren't going to change into a different person for him.
I'm not always thrilled about how my partner and I work things out but I know shes the one and I'm never suprised with the way she reacts to a given situation because, that's who she is. Just like she often gets frustrated with how I may do things/react but she's not surprised because she knows me and she knows what she signed up for.
It's not always roses and champagne but if you are certain that he's the one, you'll work through it.
MrsH1156
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Re: Seriously considering calling this wedding OFF
Sadly what you are going through is not uncommon at all. I have two close friends who called off their weddings because they just couldn't picture themselves married to the other person and both are now happily married to other people. But that is what worked for them. If your FH thinks this is just a phase, perhaps you should tell him you're considering calling it off. Maybe it's the only way to get his attention. Whatever happens, don't feel like you're alone because you're not. Best of luck to you during this difficult time.
October Bliss
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Re: Seriously considering calling this wedding OFF
From personal experience, when you start disliking your FI, and can no longer visualize spending your life with him, it is time to call it off. You can't think about the money, and you can't think about how people will react, you just have to reach deep down inside yourself, and do what is right for YOU.
I called off an engagement a little over 10 years ago. It was the best move I ever made. In my heart I knew we wouldn't last. It was tough to tell everyone the wedding was off, but in the end, it was such a relief to know that I would not be spending one more minute of my life with that man.
waterspout4
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Re: Seriously considering calling this wedding OFF
I have personally known a few people, including my brother, that called off their engagements. Now, all of them are married to either the person they broke up with originally, or someone else. I have never heard any of them say that they regret calling off the engagement. Good luck!
AlliNMatt06
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Re: Seriously considering calling this wedding OFF
If you have doubts now, then you should definitely call it off. I know someone who called off there wedding 2 Weeks before. This was a very expensive wedding. They are both much happier now. You can't think of the money. If you are not happy now, marriage won't change that.
SweetCin704
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Re: Seriously considering calling this wedding OFF
First off I would definitely speak to FH again & tell him what you have told us. See what his reaction is, see if he is feeling the same things. If he says he would like to work on making things different, perhaps you could see a couples' therapist or talk to your priest/clergy person.
Have you laid out a list of pros/cons. Are the things that are bothering you things that could be changed or are they things that are set in stone and just the way he is?
I know this can't be easy for you, but take it from someone who's been there. I ended up getting married & 4 months into the marriage the problems only escalated & we ended up divorced 9 months into it....then not only had we lost deposits, but we had laid out over 30k for our wedding/hm...where did it get us?
Money should not be first & foremost in your minds, although I know its not easy to forget. Think about how your life will be w/ this person. Can you see yourself eating breakfast w/ him for the next 50 years, can you see raising children with him?
If you can perhaps try to get away for a day and think things out, very seriously...
I wish you the best of luck....feel free to fm me.
alioop4282
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Re: Seriously considering calling this wedding OFF
There is nothing to be embarassed about. If you are unhappy you should call it off. People will understand and what's more important, you won't be making a mistake that could cost you a lot more down the road. My FH was married before me..his marriage lasted about a year..he says all the time that he thought after they got married, things would just fall into place and their differences would work out. That's the reason he went through with it. Well, they didn't work their differences out, went through with the marriage and a year later were going through a divorce. You need to do what's best for YOU. There is nothing to be embarassed about and if you are really unhappy, you should walk away. I wish you the best.
