she wins ....

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Posted by Bree71584

maybe you can talk to FMIL yourself and just explain how much you love her son and how happy you 2 are together and how shes straining that. maybe suck up to her a little and add something like 'i'm really looking forward to forming a closer relationship with you, now that your going to be my mother-in-law' i know you'll be lying but maybe it will make her chill out and get excited about gaining a daughter

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tried that. tried that and tried it again.
but iam not above doing it to save my relationship. i just need to know its not just me fighting for it. i try to understand him, but its hard, my parents would never hurt me in this way, so its a tough situation, but not one that iam willing to deal with every day of my life.
my parents gave me the best piece of advice when i was growing up. its better to be alone than in bad company.
it doesnt make this situation easy. she knew she was never gaining a daughter, she also knew she would never lose her son,
hes a very loyal man, which is what i love about him, but this isnt about loyalty. iam aware that a mother has to share her love, we love him in 2 very different ways, but i guess it might not be enough room for both of us. and i would never want him to 'pick sides' or not have a relationship with her, i just need to be a priority, not an option.

I'm so sorry you're going through this - I can just imagine how hard it is. I agree with Pacie, might be a good time for you guys to just take some time to yourselves and think through it and really identify your priorities (especially for him), and then talk through it. It's easiest to talk through things like this when both sides are in the right state of mind.

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Posted by MrsRtoBe11

well ladies basically she doesnt like me.
and fh isnt exactly defending me or our relationship, and the stress and expense of the wedding is making us such bitter people, because as it seems, iam the only one excited about this, and my family of course. i dont claim to be the 'ideal' person, but iam respectful, and i leave those battles for him to handle, but iam very well aware (c'mon ladies, im a therapist and i do couples counseling, lol) that any problem not resolved before marriage only magnifies after it. sadly, i think he has chosen to lose me and maintain the peace in his family. we'll see how the next few days/ weeks play out. maybe im just angry right now and i cant see past my own disillusion but iam not too certain i'll be walking down the aisle in 5 months. im just hoping there is some light at the end of this tunnel.

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Honey, if this is the case and he makes that choice, it was not meant to be. I cant imagine how you are feeling right now, but I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason. Right now, his FMIL is being extremely selfish. Ugh!! Hang in there. We are here for you.

Sorry you are going through this. But I have to agree you need time apart. Stop making wedding plans and try to take time for both of you (alone and together).

But if he does not plan on standing up to his mom and telling her 'she is going to be my wife' than it may be best to walk away.

im so sorry your going through this. But I do commend you for taking action instead of hoping for the best after you actually get married.

Best of luck

I'm sorry you are dealing with this!!

Don't make a haste decision! I think you and FH really need to talk it out and figure out what is right for the two of you.
FH has to want the marriage as much as you do, you can't go into something one sided.

that being said you can't let FMIL run your life, you are marrying FH not FMIL. and while yes you do technically marry the family somewhat too, you are spending your life with FH. You can't go into thinking that marriage will improve the situation with FMIL, its like a 50/50 chance lol

If youre a couples counselor then I dont need to say this but maybe thats what you two need?!

anyway, please take the time for you and fh...talk it out to the death! only you and fh know the truth of the situation.

IMO

time apart should not be the answer to this....you both shouldnt need time apart for your FH to cowboy up. You do what makes you happy and if that means you can't deal with it then do rethink your situation..

explain to him how you feel (which I am sure you already have) but sit him down and explain to him how you are feeling now that it is making you reconsider your marriage to him...see how it plays out...

wishing you all the best.

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Posted by Richiesgirl

IMO

time apart should not be the answer to this....you both shouldnt need time apart for your FH to cowboy up. You do what makes you happy and if that means you can't deal with it then do rethink your situation..

explain to him how you feel (which I am sure you already have) but sit him down and explain to him how you are feeling now that it is making you reconsider your marriage to him...see how it plays out...

wishing you all the best.

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I agree, the two of you need to either stand as a united front to mom or sit down with HIM and talk about your future together. if he is not mad enough to make a decision about it then i think you have your answer.

Ask him one question. Why did he propose to you in the first place?~

this is something that would baffle me if he proposed and wanted me to be in his life and yet will not stand by yourside and help you through this difficult situation.

If a man can get on one knee and ask you to spend the rest of his life with him. he should be able to stand next to you and support you in whatever you need. and he needs to also express that to mom and let her know that she cant control him for the rest of his life.

So sorry to hear u're going through this girly. I really, really hope eveything works out and I hope he has the b@lls to cut that umbilical cord between him and his mother and realize that he's about to loose a wonderful lady, be strong and don't loose hope girl

I am so sorry. Any time to you need to vent, we are here.

I went through this and FH finally saw the light (thankfully).

So sorry that you have to deal with this

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Posted by MrsRtoBe11

well ladies basically she doesnt like me.
and fh isnt exactly defending me or our relationship, and the stress and expense of the wedding is making us such bitter people, because as it seems, iam the only one excited about this, and my family of course. i dont claim to be the 'ideal' person, but iam respectful, and i leave those battles for him to handle, but iam very well aware (c'mon ladies, im a therapist and i do couples counseling, lol) that any problem not resolved before marriage only magnifies after it. sadly, i think he has chosen to lose me and maintain the peace in his family. we'll see how the next few days/ weeks play out. maybe im just angry right now and i cant see past my own disillusion but iam not too certain i'll be walking down the aisle in 5 months. im just hoping there is some light at the end of this tunnel.

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I have a similar issue and can totally understand what you are going through. FH and I have been dating since we were 16 for 8 years now. Her response to our engagement was, 'wow, ok'. She has never said hello, how are you or made any attempt to get to know me or my immediate family..

FH and I fight about it all the time and it drives me nuts!! I have tried to confront her but it didn't end up working. Her husband has told me that she used to say things about not liking me before that I was immature (I was 16!!!!)

My FH tries to ignore it and doesn't choose a side but after the engagement I got him to ultimately admit that she does not treat me the way I deserve to be treated. We still argue about it all the time but I'm not letting that woman ruin my future marriage or my family. If she wants to play games then she just won't get to be close to her grandchildren. Once you have kids and are married you have control over 'your' family!!!

IF you were going to consider calling it off

It should be because of HIM and YOU and your relationship.

NOT because of how FMIL interferes with your relationship.

BUT, if you feel thagt strongly about it, FH should definitely know how FMIL is making you think and feel.

I'm really sorry it's that bad though.