Should I be scared-I really need advice re my engagement ring

purplereign Posted: Feb 21, 2007 04:03 PM

Should I be scared-I really need advice re my engagement ring

FH proposed and I should be over the moon, but there is something that is bothering me greatly and maybe it shouldn't maybe I am being a petty little thing, but here it is-he didn't pick out the ring, his mother did and I am worried that it is a sign of things to come, that she will be TOO involved with our lives.

FH could tell I didn't like the ring. I asked him why he didn't pick it out himself and he said he wanted a second opinion. He then asked if I would like another ring and I told him yes, that I would like it if it came just from him and if he liked, we could pick it out together. We did so, but his mother doesn't know yet.

I told my mom and my sisters about the first ring and my mother and they all were alarmed. My mother confirmed what I thought-that this was not a good thing and it did seem that FMIL has a controlling streak and may want to run the show.

Please, what do you guys think?

HeatherRose Posted: Feb 21, 2007 04:07 PM

Re: Should I be scared-I really need advice re my engagement ring

personally, I dont know your FH but, I do know, moms are usually always right so your mom is probally right, and I also learned to trust a 'gut' feeling which you have. Go with a new ring, it will ease your fears and you can move on and get to the fun part, planning the your wedding 'together'!! good luck

soon2bmrsdunn Posted: Feb 21, 2007 04:10 PM

Re: Should I be scared-I really need advice re my engagement ring

Is this the only sign that she's controlling or have there been other incidents in your relationship?

purplereign Posted: Feb 21, 2007 04:12 PM

Re: Should I be scared-I really need advice re my engagement ring

She is just a little too enthusiastic, but what do you guys think? Do you t hink I am being spoiled or insecure? What would you guys do?

MattandTricia07 Posted: Feb 21, 2007 04:15 PM

Re: Should I be scared-I really need advice re my engagement ring

I don't know your FH or his relationship with his mother, but maybe he did really want a second opinion. It could be harmless, but then again, I don't know him or her.

If you are unhappy with the ring no matter who he got a 2nd opinion from, then I would get a new setting.

Good luck!

eperlman Posted: Feb 21, 2007 04:21 PM

Re: Should I be scared-I really need advice re my engagement ring

Not sure what to think of this one...
I know my FH is a bit of a momma's boy... It's true! Then again I think a lot of guys are and guys can't make a decision on their own either so since he wanted to surprise you with the ring he asked his mom for help b/c he didn't want to go to you... think of it that way. He trusts and loves his mother so he just wants the best for you. If you're not happy with the ring then the two of you should go look. Nothing wrong with that.

My FH told me he went alone for a little then took his mom to her jeweler in the city to get the ring. I was a little weird about that too, but I love them both and I LOVE, LOVE my ring. You have to love yours.

LaurenluvsTJ Posted: Feb 21, 2007 04:24 PM

Re: Should I be scared-I really need advice re my engagement ring

Sometimes I guy just wants a woman's opinion on things like that. and if he doesn't have any girl friends or sisters who he is close to, then his mom might have been the closest woman to seek an opinion from.

I wouldn't be too concerned unless she has shown you signs of being controlling in many aspects of his life.

portjeffbride Posted: Feb 21, 2007 04:25 PM

Re: Should I be scared-I really need advice re my engagement ring

If she is overbearing, you likely would know that by now. I knew FH's mother's personality (the good/bad/ugly) well before we got engaged....

As for the ring, you have to think like a guy for a moment. They know nothing about rings... and it's a big investment.... so most guys are apprehensive to buy them on their own.

If you were him, who would you ask for advice? He would likely ask a few a few friends that went through the process, but would trust the opinion of the females in his family the most.....

Don't read so much into this! Enjoy the moment, and appreciate his effort to get a ring to present to you when he proposed....

purplereign Posted: Feb 21, 2007 04:26 PM

Re: Should I be scared-I really need advice re my engagement ring

He has sisters-3 of them. I don't know. He let her pick it out. He left it up to her. I don't know, it just gives me a bad feeling for some reason. Well, as far as being controlling in other aspects-not really, but this may be the start of it.

AeroJenn Posted: Feb 21, 2007 04:36 PM

Re: Should I be scared-I really need advice re my engagement ring

Well, first off -- im glad you picked out another ring and that you're happier with this one.

I dont think that this is really a sign of things to come if she hasnt really been controlling in the past. It may have literally just been one of those things where FH was lost and didnt know what to pick and he thought 'moms know best....maybe I'll have my mom pick one out' -- sometimes guys are dumb like that. He probably didnt think it would bother you at all.

Don't sweat it. Plus, he obviously just wants what will make you happiest since he already agreed to pick out another ring. He probably realized he made a mistake by asking his mom to pick out the first one.

BubbasBride Posted: Feb 21, 2007 04:42 PM

Re: Should I be scared-I really need advice re my engagement ring

get the ring you love and keep an eye on the situation. If it progresses, have a conversation with FH. If she's just overly enthusiastic about your engagement/wedding, that's ok.

lacey&mark Posted: Feb 21, 2007 04:45 PM

Re: Should I be scared-I really need advice re my engagement ring

Posted by purplereign

He has sisters-3 of them. I don't know. He let her pick it out. He left it up to her. I don't know, it just gives me a bad feeling for some reason. Well, as far as being controlling in other aspects-not really, but this may be the start of it.

you will know better than anyone on here about your fmil's personality and the potential for problems. have you and FH been together for a while? i would think if she was going to be super controlling, she would have been from the start. you said your FH asked her to pick it out...does he usually go to her to make big decisions? if you think about past behaviors and trust your gut, you will find your answer.

misshealey1974 Posted: Feb 21, 2007 04:45 PM

Re: Should I be scared-I really need advice re my engagement ring

I agree that it's a good sign that he was OK with you guys picking out a second ring...that was my biggest fear, that I would hate the ring FH picked out. As long as this is not the kind of thing that happens all the time, I wouldnt be too worried. Be happy that you have the ring (and the man) that you've always wanted!!

stephanielyse Posted: Feb 21, 2007 04:53 PM

.

madseason Posted: Feb 21, 2007 05:08 PM

Re: Should I be scared-I really need advice re my engagement ring

FM mail...

tricia3381 Posted: Feb 21, 2007 05:45 PM

Re: Should I be scared-I really need advice re my engagement ring

Posted by MattandTricia07

I don't know your FH or his relationship with his mother, but maybe he did really want a second opinion. It could be harmless, but then again, I don't know him or her.

If you are unhappy with the ring no matter who he got a 2nd opinion from, then I would get a new setting.

Good luck!

very well said!

I Love my bear Posted: Feb 21, 2007 07:10 PM

Re: Should I be scared-I really need advice re my engagement ring

He probably got really nervous about the decision and turned to his mom...maybe he thinks you + FMIL have a good relationship and maybe she'd know what you like? I dunno. But my FH said that choosing the setting/ring was one of the hardest choices ever... he did a really good job in spite of all...lol! But he told me if I wanted anything diff than we would def change it. All in all I think his intentions were good, esp since he said you can change it he just wants you to be happy!

ssdbk Posted: Feb 22, 2007 12:19 AM

Re: Should I be scared-I really need advice re my engagement ring

My DH is completely uncomfortable picking out jewelry. I feel that I know him well enough to say that it is not indicative of any major problem.

I guess it depends on the person.

PegaLega Posted: Feb 22, 2007 12:27 AM

Re: Should I be scared-I really need advice re my engagement ring

I dont know your FH or your FMIL but I can say this, even if he had bought it himself would you still want to change it? Or is it the fact that she picked it that bothers you?
If you get the feeling its a little to clingy on her part then I dont think you are wrong at all-though I will say I am sure he did want a second opinion b/c he is a guy and may not know what is nice and what is not. BUT FH asked me if I loved my ring and if I didnt we would reset it...I loved it so this didnt happen.

TheMrandMrsof2008 Posted: Feb 22, 2007 01:31 AM

Re: Should I be scared-I really need advice re my engagement ring

I agree with all being said. Its a huge deal for a man to pick out an e-ring. Maybe he just needed a second opinion. If you don't want to wear it the rest of your life, then you know what you need to do. But.. if its just because his mom picked it out....