Should I cancel my wedding?

She sounds like a real winner.

I hate to say this but you will have to deal with this BS for the rest of your life if you don't put your foot down. What's next? Telling you where to live and how to raise your children??? H e l l no!!!

I would cancel the big wedding -- have something small your way.

Good Luck sweetie

It all comes down to this:

It is YOUR wedding, you should be able to do what YOU want. In the end its not about music, etc... its about you marrying your FH! I am sorry your FMIL is a nightmare to deal with. But if it is causing you so much stress then i would think about it again... its your wedding and its meant to be a happy day for you!

I agree that this needs to stop now because she will just continue to do this for the rest of her life. Even after the wedding not like it will end. She will try to tell you how to raise your children and this can be an even more difficult situation. I know somebody whose MIL was this and personally saw how bad it can get even with the kids and just remember thinking that i would flip out. If the mother disciplined her kids, not hitting or anything bad but telling them they cant do something, the MIL would come and take the kid in front of the mother and say no dont listen its fine, and would let the kid do just what the mother told the kid not to do.

She has to understand her boundaries and know that she cant cross certain lines. You need to discuss this with your FH and have him talk to his mother. She needs to see that its something the two of you want, not just you bc otherwise if she thinks her son is ok with it then she will continue to do all these things.

You two are a team now and you have to stand by eachothers side, so he needs to understand your point and be there for you and help you in this situation. He needs to show his mom that if something bothers you, he will support you fully and for her to know she needs to back off.

Wow this sounds like my FMIL but mine is still 10 times worst...won't go into details. Just a taste of what mine is like, when we got engaged she told everyone, I was pregant!

FH did not want her to pay for anything for this exact reason, we would have to do things her way. It is a difficult situation.

I would sit down with your FH and discuss this. How does he feel? I know its your day. And I completely understand where your coming from. A part of me wants to say, just sit back and relax, just let her do it her way and enjoy your day. But if you do not stand up for yourself now, things will only get worse.

Good Luck!

if you and your FH plan to live near her, then she will always be in your face. You need to set the boundaries NOW.

Your FH should understand how you feel. Is he not on your side?

WOW!!! I don't know where to begin. If I was in your shoes, I would have a serious talk with your FMIL. You have known her for quite some time, so that's how she is and obviously you can't change that. You are receiving her help financially and that's why she feels she has a say in it. If you want to avoid youself a headache just tell her that you will accept her help with one condition and that is let it have it your way and that you will run things by her just so that she feels she has a part in it to and is informed. If you do not talk to her and express how you feel she will drive you crazy. I also suggest talking to FH about you wanting to talk to his mom.

Good Luck!!

Not so many years ago, when almost all parents paid for weddings, the B&G had virtually no say. But times have changed. Unfortunately for you, no one told your FILs.

How soon is your wedding? Is it possible for you to scale down & pay for it yourselves?

i thought i was reading my own post - sounds like my FMIL - not funny, i know, but you'll have to figure out a way to get around her manipulations - I'm constantly struggling with this coz she has FH completely, as in totally, wrapped around her fingers and I'm always the bad guy in the picture, but in the end, it always works out - as long as you know exactly what you want, don't ever doubt yourself and just go for what you desire!

goodluck!

I think you need to have a heart to heart with FMIL.

Tell her you love her and her son and really appreciate their offer to pay for everything. But then say you are apprehensive about continuing with the wedding plans because you are not happy with alot of things.

you need to tell her that while you want her to be happy, there are certain decisions you feel very strongly about. She had her wedding years ago, now it is your turn. Tell her you never would have accepted her offer to pay for everything (which is very generous) if you knew it was going to be a battle for everything you wanted.

Hopefully, you will be able to get through to her with kindness. Hopefully you will be able to make her see that this is YOUR wedding. If not, then I'm afraid you will have to tell her that you have no choice but to cancel everything because you are simply not happy with things to date.

After that- be prepared that she may throw her own ultimatum your way - like refusing to come to the wedding at all.

Things are going to be tough - but you have to put your foot down NOW. Or you are going to wind up living where she wants you to live, naming your kids what she wants to name them, etc....

Ahhh this is what I keep telling everyone. Here is an excellant life lesson that extends well outside of weddings: THERE IS NOTHING FREE IN LIFE! When parents offer to pay for your wedding there are strings attached. This means you will have to run every decision that involves money (that that means everything) past them first. You have no final say over your own wedding short of being put in this situation where all you can do is cancel it altogether and if you do that while you might set the precident that you and FH decide what you do in your marriage, you will also ruin your relationship with the inlaws for all time.

I know that weddings are expensive but knowing that 1) you are in charge of your own wedding however big or small that might be and 2) that you don't owe anyone anything because you took something for free are both reason enough to do it yourself. If you cannot afford a wedding then save and wait until you can or do it small.

FH and I were at our tasting at our RH and it was just he and I and the next table was another bride and groom and another after that and all of the sudden this bride and groom walk in with this entourage of what appeared to be both sets of parents and maybe even some grandparents and FH and I as well as the couple at the next table were just laughing hysterically at how ridiculous this all looked but then I thought how sad it was that the bride and groom couldn't just enjoy this experience by themselves without all of these people and additionally how demeaning it must be to sit there and feel like children having to ask mommy and daddy if they could please get what they want.

I think it is beautiful when parents offer to help their children or to even pick up the entire tab for their wedding but I think it takes a real adult to say thank you mom and dad but we will be taking care of it ourselves. Doing so earns you the resepect that parents show their children when they realize that they've grown into adults. This bride has does not have that respect from her FMIL and will not get it untl she says thanks but no thanks. But that doesn't help the present situation.

Now my dear, you must set the boundaries that you never set with this controlling woman and it is not going to be fun. Don't cancel your wedding yet but start booking things as you want them without asking her input and if she has an issue when she finds out tell her that is what you and FH want and agreed upon. If her gripe is with the cost ibeing too much, tell her that you are willing to contribute financially.

You said a few times that you do have a good relationship with FMIL although she can be controlling...she honestly may not realize whats shes doing, also since you and FH have been together since you were teens she may still think of you as a kid, plus you know her a long time so she treats you like her own...

I would have a conversation with her,,,if she knew how upset you were I think she'd back off a bit Im sure she just wants you and FH's happiness...HTH

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Posted by leeserd

FH and I were at our tasting at our RH and it was just he and I and the next table was another bride and groom and another after that and all of the sudden this bride and groom walk in with this entourage of what appeared to be both sets of parents and maybe even some grandparents and FH and I as well as the couple at the next table were just laughing hysterically at how ridiculous this all looked but then I thought how sad it was that the bride and groom couldn't just enjoy this experience by themselves without all of these people and additionally how demeaning it must be to sit there and feel like children having to ask mommy and daddy if they could please get what they want.

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*cough* I brought both sets of parents when we booked and I plan on bringing them to the tasting. I am fortunate that they are around to help me make decisions, but will not force their decisions on me if I disagree.

For the tasting, we get ONE dish each. There are over 12 choices of entrees and I would like to sample more than 2. That is why I will bring mine and his parents along. I think it will be a nice afternoon together.

All I'm saying is, perhaps the bride and groom WANT their parents to be a part of these experiences. They are not always begging mommy and daddy for things, but rather, just asking them to be part of it all.

I didn't mean to hijack this thread - but things aren't always what they seem to be.

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Posted by Bridezilla705

I forgot to add a major detail to all of this information. Complicating things even more is that my mil gave my fh the stone from her engagement ring to give to me. Which is so so so so nice of her but it makes me seem even that much more ungrateful if I refuse to use their money for the wedding.... aghhhh.

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FMIL obv cares for you a great deal if she did this..talk to her..as much as I would dread the convo also I think it'll help