Ok, so I am 24 and my brother is 39. My dad passed away in dec. so now its just my mom and i in the house together. I have always taken care of BOTH of my parents as they both had medical issues.
My brother who is 39 has only recenty started helping me wih mom in the last yr. (like babysitting her when I want to go on vactaion).
My bro is engaged (for the last 4 yrs). they have made no effort to get married on their own in terms of wedding planning. think they expect my mom to pay for it. My bro and his fw have been together since 1996.
So the dilemma: now that they know i am getting married and mommy is paying for the wedding they want one too! we can only afford one. my mom told them to go to the justice of the peace b/c they are older and honestly they really dont have many ppl to invite to a wedding--plus my mom gave them a downpayment for their house as a wedding gift (the wedding never happened).
Anyway, do YOU think I should let the share my spotlight at MY wedding and get married then and there.
Issues I see: -the ppl would be my friends and of course we have the same family members :) but they wouldn't realy get gifts b/c i would tell anyone it would just be a surprise after my ceremony.
-gosh, i dont want to be selfish but please give me suggestions how to handle this.
my mom says do whatever i want and she doesnt have an opinion.
btw- my bro mentioned it in a joking manner but i know he was serious.
SoontobeMrsO
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Re: Should I share the spotlight?
No way do not share the spotlight. They have been engaged for 4 years and had 4 years to plan a wedding on their own. If money is an issue then they can have a small wedding, have a church ceremony and go out to dinner with close family members.
erdbeere
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Re: Should I share the spotlight?
first of all...it is REALLY sweet of you to consider this!! Not many brides would.
I think it depends on a few things really...
Why haven't they made an effort to plan a wedding int he 4 yrs they've been engaged? Surely its possible to have a nice, small, backyard wedding or something for very little $$. If they have valid reasons, like health problems or somethng like that, then I would probably share the spotlight. If they don't have a valid reason, then I would not consider it because then it seems like they are just kind of freeloaders... let you do alll the work n planning to have a nice wedding, and they get to benefit.
Also, it would depend on how close you are to your brother.
Kara and Todd
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Re: Should I share the spotlight?
Posted by LoveRocks
I think that you are just so sweet for even considering it, but IMO, its is an AWFUL idea and I really believe that you will have major regrets if you allow it. Please don't share one of the most important days of yours and FHs life with anyone but each other!
I have to agree 100% with this.
AMGBride2008
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Re: Should I share the spotlight?
No no no...It's your day for you and your FH only. It's your brothers own fault that he chose to take the money your mom gave him and put it towards a house.
Just put your foot down and tell him that you deserve your own day and you do NOT want to share it with anyone but your FH... if he doesn't understand that than he has a lot of growing up to do.
Good luck!!!!
chacha
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Re: Should I share the spotlight?
WOW! The though of you even considering it makes me know (even though i dn't knwo you) how special you are! But PLEASE....39? He needs to go to the justice of the peace girl!! Don't share! It's not you being selfish---it's you being fair to yourself and there is nothign wrong with that---especially casue he already got a down payment for his house! Stand strong girl and put a foot down!
GinaZ
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Re: Should I share the spotlight?
NOPE!
You are a good person for thinking it, but they had their chance and got their house already! Have your day be for you!
Mizzdimple
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Re: Should I share the spotlight?
Posted by jaiese
If you're even questioning it, you shouldn't do it. Maybe you don't have to be extravagant and spend all of your mom's wedding budget. It would help if she gave some guidance on that front though...
i agree!
LitBallerinaGirl
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Re: Should I share the spotlight?
I agree with the other girls! Selfish?! Not even close! You proved that by even thinking about sharing it with your brother.
If he wants to get married then they should find some way to pay for his own wedding. I know this is going to sound ultra traditional, but you are the girl, and your mom is paying for your wedding. What about your brother's FI family? She is the bride shouldn't they offer to pay for some of it? It is in no way your obligation, and unless you want to share your day with them you should not feel obligated to do so and you definitely should not feel bad about not wanting to.
are you kidding me hell no this is the day you have been dreaming of all your life why should you have to share it with anyone else and let them steal your dream. and as far as his fh goes she should want her day to herself as well. so no i would not do it if i were you
Soon2beMrsH
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Re: Should I share the spotlight?
It is so sweet of you to even consider doing this. Most people never would. That being said I would not do it. They have been engaged for 4 years. Plenty of time to plan and pay for their own wedding themselves. I would not let anyone ride on my coat tails. Enjoy your day.
